Thursday, July 26, 2012

How Would You Know It Will be the Last? (A Dedication to My Mentor - Dennis Ng)

I lost an admirable friend and a great mentor today. I'm still in shocked as I'm typing this because 2 deaths of the people I knew around the same time, playing Cashflow game in 2001-2003, simply not amusing any more.

How would you know, really, that the last time you saw that person, would really be the LAST time?

You wouldn't know ...

I didn't too.

Monday, 25 June 2012 - we had a gathering at Park Mall where Dennis Ng, my financial mentor whom I personally saw his progress from zero to financially free, was giving (who would have known) a last lecture. As eerily as this might have sound, I felt very off when I saw him. He loved to do this to people who come early to any talks of his, he opened up the floor by welcoming any questions. At that point of time, I felt like asking him - are you okay, Dennis? You look so skinny. Is everything okay? But I refrained myself from doing so. Not going to put him on a spotlight like that but I texted a few of my friends about this.

At the end of the talk, he did reveal that he's struggling with his health. My heart was so crunched. This guy, who's struggling with his health and yet he's still doing what he does passionately - sharing the message of financial literacy. I was and still kinda not the type of person who gives people hugs. My BFF is training me though, asking me to hug few of my close friends. I summed up the courage before I left the room, I asked Dennis - Can I give you a hug? I did. I tried so hard to hold back my tears. Now I know why I was compelled to do what I did then. I followed my heart and never look back and I glad I did it because now, no more chance.

He reassured me then - I'm fine, don't worry. I'm fine.

He was not fine. He is gone now.

How would you know, my friends, that the person you see now in front of you, will be the last time you see them? How would you know that whatever you strongly believe in really don't matter when death comes knocking at the door?

You wouldn't know.
You really wouldn't know.

The best advice he has ever given to me is to acquire self knowledge and honestly express yourself at its best. People can teach you anything but ultimately, you will come out with your own knowledge - your unique way of fishing instead of being given the fish. His legacy is simply by reassuring people how ordinary and average he was and yet through believing 100%, he achieved what he couldn't even imagine would be possible.

Thank you, Dennis for your life. I am really honoured and so privileged to know you. To walk those paths with you carrying our Cashflow board game to people's houses for free. You helped me when I was just a student to attend those investing seminars. Most importantly, after all these years, you never forget me and acknowledged our experiences in any of your talks as if I was one of the witness of your journey, which I was. You were my real life proof of possibility. I saw your journey and you were who you said you were. Hope your legacy will continue. You will be so truly missed by me.

RIP.



PS. For some of his teachings and interviews, can be found in this youtube link.

Friday, July 20, 2012

The Lighthouses of Life

Everybody has a home team: it's the people you call when you get a flat tyre or when something terrible happens. It's the people who, near or far, know what's wrong with you and love you anyway. These are the ones who tell you their secret, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they are at your house, these are the people who cry when you cry, these are your people, your middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what people. - C.M.

The above quote was written by my friend whom I knew since October 2011. We were in the same French class for 2 months, then we remained Facebook friends. Between March - April 2012, I posted a few comments on her photos of food, which always made me salivate during ungodly hours. Since then, our friendship has blossomed and I was really honoured when she considered me as her "home team". I must say, it is one of the most splendidly written original quote among my friends. Simple. Authentic. Down to earth. Straightforward. Warm. Relatable.

Almost 2 months have passed since the quote was first uttered, but it seems to have a very special shadow effect on me. Though I couldn't really relate to it in my personal context, I don't really have a "team" per se - well not many people will get themselves a glass of water without asking when they are in my house; however, it has set to be a silent reminder in my journey through life. Then the full blown realization came when I had more quiet moments due to my Facebook Fasting for a week.

You see, my dear readers, these 5 months, my life has taken a very big whirlwind turn. It was almost unrecognizable in a very amazing way. I was and still am following my bliss. My life was extremely active. My schedules were packed. I met so many new people in such short period of time. I love it. I love all the experiences and connections I made. Every moment I am simply grateful for each and every one of them. Be it talking to a stranger at the hawker center or simply buying someone completely random a drink, I love all of them. I was moving really fast in life. Too fast that I feel like I am on a speedboat, sailing speedily on the vast ocean called life; observing all the wonders life has to offer. 

At first, they were exciting, new things almost everyday. Like a kid's first visit to a candy store. 

"Oh, look at that fish, it's huge!"
"Oh ... there's that beautiful ship decorated with so many lights. There must be some kind of party there!"
"Wait a minute, the bird was amazing, they are making a V-formation."

As I sailed further and further from the shore, I felt its magnificence and yet I also felt a little bit stranded. 

A speedboat, alone, on this amazingly vast ocean together with the mystical company of the night.

I stopped. I breathed in. I breathed out. I took it all in.

Then, I looked around and I saw a few small glimpses of light at the back of me, coming from different directions. I turned my speedboat back to look at them closely. I went "WOW", they were of different colours. Different shapes. Different blinking rates. Different locations. Some to my right. Some to my left. Some on the top of the hill. Some were on the ground and totally not blinking. They were all bright lights but yet they were different. Yet, all is the same thing - they are the lighthouses of my life - the reminders that they are there when I need them. They are the willing witnesses to my life - listening to my glories and perils. They are my homes.  

Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save;
they just stand there shining. - Anne Lamott

My lighthouses are the people in my life who matter greatly to me. They shine uniquely and independently from each other and yet they have the most genuine intentions for me at all time - that I am safe and sound. They are fully grounded and all stand on the same side and never fail to have my back. When I am home, with them, we will share stories and nonsense. Then they let me go, again, for my adventures and wishing me nothing but the very best not forgetting shining my path while I'm gone. My amazing people, my awesome friends, my earthly angels - my lighthouses. 

My existence will never ever be the same without your genuine attention and interest in me. You know who you are.

I strongly believe everyone has his/her own home team or lighthouses. You may name them anything you like, as you feel right, because in the end of everything, you know these are the people who will not forsake you. Who see you for who you are and still love you to bits. Each loves you in their own way.

Some through their words when you need acknowledgments and validations. 
Some through silence and consent. 
Some through deadlines to make sure you reach your goals. 
Some through questions as they are genuinely interested in your stories. 
Some through actions and simply be there when you need them the most. 
Some through crappy jokes to brighten your gloomy days. 
Some through health tips because they want you to be healthy. 
Some through books they lend to you because they think you may learn a thing or two. 
Some through reading twice what others only read once to ensure they don't miss any important points. 
Some through a sudden appearance on your phone with no greetings needed because you are already in their thoughts.
Some through their smiles and hugs.
Some through their nags and words of warnings.
Some through treats and gifts.
Some through their availability when you call them out last minute.
Some through their persistence, letting you know you are always on their mind. 
Some through visiting your Facebook page (known/unknown) because they are interested to know about what you have to say.
Some through simply telling the truths.
Some simply by being their authentic selves because they respect you enough not to fake who they are when they are with you.

Who are your lighthouses? 
Who are the members of your home team?
How have you been treating them? 
Have you been taking them for granted?
When did you last speak to them? 
Have you told them, in your own unique way, that you appreciate them?
If you leave this world today, will they know they have made such big impact in your life?
If not, what are you waiting for?

As I continue sailing my small speedboat in this vast ocean called life, I always remember to turn back and wave frantically to my lighthouses to tell them that - I see you. I appreciate you. I never forget your existence. I am continuing my adventures now but you will always be my homes, truly.

Image was taken on 20th of May 2005, can't believe I finally have a purpose for this after 7 years.
Ikea table lamp rocks!


Saturday, July 14, 2012

Facebook Fasting - Life Without FB for One Week

Facebook Fasting for a week - a decision that I made exactly one week ago (7 July 2012) and wow, time simply flows. It's been an interesting week as I'm observing myself going through this experiment and now is my time to reflect and share my learnings.

Why? 
I made this decision when I consciously caught myself unconsciously checking on FB (even if there's no need for me to be there) as long as I was idle or bored. I could be on the bus. I could be walking. I could be waiting. I could have better things to do but I didn't want to and my fingers had their minds of their own and they automatically went to FB. That realization shocked me and hence I made the decision to check myself into a self-made FB Rehab program. 

The objective of this experiment was for me to be more aware and conscious of my actions when it comes to FB especially in the department of browsing aimlessly as if my life depends on the updates of others. My friend, Nate sent me this photo below on the first day of my fast and I thought it was hilarious.
Image source: www.lagag.com


How?
The rules are entirely created by myself and there are a few such as:
  1. No access to FB in any ways except through email notifications 
  2. No posting and commenting on new items unless from existing posts and can only reply by email and no other ways
Some of my friends said I should have cut-off all email notifications too but I insisted no to that because, like it or not FB is a new way to reach out to someone and I do rely on them for invitation to events, for arranging an outing, etc. So, email notifications are important and hence I treated it as if I am receiving normal emails anyway. I will not cut it off totally because that was not the objective of the fast in the first place. You will see why I am so glad I didn't cut it off.


When?
7 - 14 July 2012


What Happened Then?

Day 1 - Saturday, 7 July 2012
Since it was a Saturday and I already woke up pretty late, the day passed pretty fast. I didn't feel the "withdrawal" syndrome yet as there were activities to keep me occupied. Until I was on the bus, with nothing else but my phone and wallet, at one point my fingers automatically pressed "B" for browser and almost typed "www.f ...." then I STOPPED to my horror. It was so reflexive that I almost didn't realize it happened. It was really a WTH moment for me. No more itch after that. Oh yeah, friends whatsapp-ed me photos that were uploaded on their FB pages. I thought that's really interesting. I was fasting but they couldn't help but to share what's happening on their pages.


Day 2 - Sunday, 8 July 2012
Another tolerable day since my day was packed from day to night. Another friend shared with me what's on her page. 


Day 3 - Monday, 9 July 2012
Worst day ever for FB Fast. I had a very bad withdrawal syndrome that every time I felt the itch, I simply ranted to all my friends. That happened a lot of times during the course of the day! It was really horrible. It was when I was so bored to hell that I needed something to numb my mind, and I couldn't browse and the feeling of irritation was tremendous. One great friend reassured me that I didn't miss much as there were only photos on food, babies and most probably not important jokes and links that don't matter after a while.

However, something interesting happened. Normally when you are staying away from things, the more the universe is trying to tease you with it. This day was one of them. As I was contributing to a blog about an event I attended recently, I needed certain photos which were only on my FB. I refused to access it no matter what and begged my BFF to go to my page, tell me what she saw and emailed the photos to me. She laughed at me with all the joy she could sum up as this is karma. She has her "Gadget Free Night" on Wednesday from 9-12PM, during those moments I always tease her and have the tendency to show her something on FB. Karma really struck hard on me this time. 


Day 4 - Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Caught myself reflexively wanting to go to FB 1x. Phew ...
Friend shared me a link of a restaurant and asked if I've been there before. I went to their domain name and they brought me to their FB page directly. I closed it and I told my friend, sorry! Not today. Honestly, I feel silly and realize how FB has permeated into our lives just like that. 


Day 5 - Wednesday, 11 July 2012
A peaceful day indeed. Nothing much happening. No itch at all. A dinner appointment has been set through FB message, luckily I didn't go cold turkey on the email alerts. 


Day 6 - Thursday, 12 July 2012
I received email notifications that people shared what I have shared previously. Clueless. But totally not curious to check out what that was too. I think I was "healing" well.


Day 7 - Friday, 13 July 2012
You are not going to believe that in my work, FB is being used. Certain updates were being announced through FB so much faster that my staff alerted me to it. FB, you are indeed here to stay. You are not friendster or just a phase. You are much more.


What Do I Get Out Of This?

Today is the day when everything is over. When I should be jumping up and down in happiness that finally I can browse FB again but I realize I don't have such feeling. I don't have such urge anymore. The rehab program does work. This image was the first thing I saw when I opened up my FB page (there were also 3 friend requests which I have approved before I took the print-screen of it). Huah! 

These are what I have learned from the entire experiment:
  1. Life without browsing aimlessly is do-able. When your mind is set on somethings, with enough will power and self-control, you can be assured that you will achieve it.
  2. There are people who really missed my presence on FB and told me about it. You know who you are, I really cherish the acknowledgments. I am glad to be back too to connect with all of you.
  3. I realize I have so much time available. I managed to finish one book which was a memoir (a type of book that I have no patience for, normally) and I'm embarking to a novel type of book now (which again, another type of book that I have no patience for!). Now, I appreciate it. It is rewarding and enriching to the mind and soul.
  4. I have more ideas and I write more. I managed to finish 5 pages of writing though it was very haphazard but I did it. Well, there was a deadline set by my dear friend to it but still, if I was busy browsing, I wouldn't have done it. 
  5. FB is a part of my life. Some people may condemn its existence but I choose to embrace it. Like any tools, when used appropriately, it does more good than harms. 
  6. I share therefore I live. I miss sharing quotes on FB. I have so many that I keep collecting in my invisible warehouse and couldn't wait to share with the world on my goodies. Life and including quotes are so much better when one is able to share them with others.
I am really glad I went through what I went through. I learned so much about myself and about people around me and about FB in this short fasting period. And it's true, when you simply take the stand as an observer, you learn so much more interesting quirks that you will not see if you are in the system. I believe this applies to many aspects of life too. When some things go crazy, step aside, step out, walk away for a while and observe what's happening. When you are ready, move back into it and you will see things with a better perspective. 


I love putting myself into such experiment and wonder what will be my next fasting like? Hmm ... thinking cap is on. :) 


Thanks for reading up to this point. Thanks for being with me in this journey too. I am really grateful for your presence on/off FB with me. Have a great weekend, everyone! Oh yes, today is Bastille Day (French National Day). 

"Bonne fête, tout le monde!"