Old Age is No Place for Sissies

Old age is no place for sissies.

- Bette Davis

Whenever I come back to my hometown, Pematangsiantar, there is one person that I must meet - my Chinese tutor. I just met her few minutes ago and it was one of the toughest moment I had in my life because the face of old age was too in my face. Yes, I'm indeed a sissy.

"Lao shi" which means teacher in Mandarin, is how I always call her since I was 3yo. But actually she has been more than just a teacher to me. She's like a friend, a mentor, a grandma and one of the important person from my hometown that's so close to my heart.

I was her student even before I went to the kindergarten. She literally saw me growing up. When she was hanging the laundry, I was there next to her pretending I was playing piano on top of the washing machine. She told my parents I did that thinking there was some talent in me and I got enrolled to music lesson after that. Aiyoh!

She never failed in giving me birthday presents ever since. By the time I was not that amused by toys and stationery, she taught me the value of gold. My birthday present was upgraded from toys to gold ring. By the time the price of gold soared up, she gave me 'angbao' (red packet) filled with money instead. Very practical. Also, as I have some phobia crossing the road in my hometown (still am), she would help me and made sarcastic remark "aiyoh, so big liao dunno how to cross road ah." Then she would smile and laugh at me for being so chicken. :) I always love those moments.

When my parents came to Singapore in December 2013, I asked them how Laoshi was doing and they said she is bed-ridden, her legs are too weak to walk. She wanted to give me angbao once again afraid she wouldn't have the chance to see me anymore. My parents dismissed her and said she's big enough and you don't need to give her angbao anymore. If you want, please give it to her yourself. That statement from her mouth really crushed me.

Today, I finally met the frail her. Someone who once used to wash me after I went to toilet cause I was helpless and clueless, now the table has been turned. She is helpless in her diaper. After talking to her for at least 10 minutes, she actually didn't even recognize who I was. But she remembered once I mentioned my name and said I have different look but my jovial and mischievous character still the same.

I asked her what she thinks is the most important in life, she said working. Indeed, she has devoted her entire life to her work. Teaching Mandarin, which she can't do it anymore now, must be devastating to her. But what she didn't know those Chinese characters are not the only thing she has imparted to her students. I can't speak for others but for me she has instilled in me the importance of being kind, friendly, generous and always smile in all circumstances (except when those moment I drove her mad, thank God there were only a few of those). Strong lady that she is in her 80s, never married, she is still with her big smile even though it lacks some luster now, but she still smiles.

People in my family (and community) always emphasize the youngsters to get married. Why? If not, when you grow old, who will take care of you? Funny logic, really. Because what if your husband/wife dies before you or if your kid dies before you or ... as if you know what will happen. Getting married is an insurance for old age? I'm not sure. I've seen too many elders with kids and spouses who are also living alone and taking care of themselves in the end.

But what I learn from my Laoshi who is single, unmarried, without any children is still being taken care of very well. A family whom she taught for many years has stepped up to provide care for her. Providing the 24/7 attention that she needs. Without her knowing, she has built her own family simply by doing what she knows best - teaching.

I don't know anything about old age but I know seeing someone you care so much slowly drifting away is not an easy sight. But that's life. All of us will go through that. Our loved ones will go through that. Hence the only moment that is truly real is the present moment we have with them, which we may lose if we are too busy on our phones when we are at their presence. Sorry ... I'm rambling with not much sense.

I said goodbye to her as I needed to leave and I did things I never did to her before. While trying hard to hold back my tears, I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek and told her,"Laoshi, ming nian zai jian." (Teacher, see you next year!). That's a lie. I will see her again before I leave because I am not sure if there is a next year. I hope so. I will see her again and with my broken Chinese I will write her a short note to let her know that my life would have never been the same without her presence (though she already knew as I already wrote her such letter once but I will do it again). I will let her know she has led an awesome life touching many lives without her even knowing and the inevitable of being old and frail is nature's way to let you know, you've done enough. Please rest and savour the moments you have collected. They are enough.

Thank you, Laoshi. See you tomorrow or Friday. I have not decided yet. But I will see you again.

Why Do I Love Pigeons?

If you have been my Facebook friend for a while, you can't help but to associate me with pigeons. You will see I often talk about them, take photos of them, pretend to have conversations with them and friends will tag me of some pigeons photos because they thought of me when they see pigeons. (Honoured, thank you)

I wonder how did I start to love pigeons? I was not born like that. I didn't notice pigeons when I was young. I didn't notice pigeons when I was in the university. How did it happen?

As I walked down the memory lane, the earliest quirky pigeon experience I had was when I just finished my lunch with my BFF at the hawker center near my place. I saw, there was (I think) 1 pigeon in front of us. It was walking so cutely with that swinging behind. I followed it for quite a while then I chased it and then it flew away. I remember saying this out loud,"Cheh! Whatta show off!" As usual, my best friend just shook her head in disbelief. Though she's used to my idiosyncrasy, but the list keeps expanding as time goes by and she has no choice but to keep out with it.

Since then, I notice pigeons everywhere I go. I find them really amusing. They always make my day without fail. Sure, in Singapore, they are everywhere. But I didn't use to notice them the way I notice them now. Whenever I had a bad day, the sight of them will perk me up a little bit. Believe it or not, my good days definitely outnumber my bad days. Maybe because, as I started to notice the small little things, those small moments snowball into bigger moments.

Today, I finally understand why I derive joy from such experience as I stumbled upon the following quote -

The big events are noteworthy. But the big events are not the fabric of your life experience. And it’s the fabric of your life experience that equals to the way you chronically feel. And the way you chronically feel, is life. 

- Abraham-Hicks

Ahhh ..... A-HA!
That makes sense now.
Noticing pigeon is one of the thread in the fabric of my life experience. Listening to Titanium by David Guetta, was another. Going for wine events and getting to know people are two more threads. Stumbling upon cool words contributes too. What started off as only a few strands of individual string, have woven themselves beautifully into a big piece of fabric. And that ... is ... my life experience. A big, ever expanding tapestry that I call my awesome life.

Dear pigeons (I don't care what breed, gender, sexual orientation, religion, age, etc you are)
Thank you for enriching my life. Thanks for having fun with me (well, fun for me, not sure about you. :p) and I know for sure we will have more of such moments going forward. I'm glad you're always there when I need you, except at night but your friends - the bats - do a good job too, sometimes.

So, how do you chronically feel? Have you found what are the strings that contribute to your fabric of life? 

I Believe There's A Reason

I believe there's a reason why I was born as an only child. For slowly I learned, I am responsible in keeping myself entertained when my parents were working. I have books and my imagination as my bestest of friends. I hardly knew what boredom was.

I believe there's a reason why I'm a Scorpion Monkey. Both western and eastern zodiacs are signs that thrive through curiosities. Questioning everything, I learned to see my life filled with adventures and mysteries. The people I met were like the characters in the movies, dropping clues so the seeker may eventually solve the puzzles.

I believe there's a reason why I was born in Indonesia. A country with the motto - Bhineka Tunggal Ika which means we are one even though we are different, I learned to embrace diversities. Every culture; be it the Javanese, the Batak, the Chinese, enhances the richness of the country. I remembered being at awe with all their wedding costumes for each province. Not to mention my palate was truly spoiled by the choices of food that one can never run out of.

Image courtesy of http://hafilastamps.blogspot.sg/2011/06/prangko-pakaian-pengantin-daerah.html

I believe there's a reason why people called me many names since I was 3 years old. Donald Duck. Donut. Kacibol (The one with holes in the specs). Maradona. Madonna. Dontel. Don King. Dono. Dari Tanah (From the ground). Da Li Dan (Big egg). Da Ling Dan (Big zero). I learned that they can call me anything they want and I can still have fun in the process because names have never defined me. So far, I am giving myself more nicknames than others have given me. And I finally learned what I called myself is so much more important than what others call me. For now, I am very happy with Frenchie Cow-ish Pigeon-ish Scorpion Monkey Golden Beng who shouts Huat Ah and drinks wine at anytime possible. This list will get longer as I discover more things in my life.

I believe there's a reason why I was made fun of when I mixed with friends who were much younger than me in high school. People called me "The King of Kids". I understand now, I was learning to stand out and not to conform. I learned to be comfortable with whichever crowd I chose. Most importantly, I have learned, there's no such things as age gap; it's only the gap in your mind that you're unable to come into terms with.

I believe there's a reason why my parents had to bring me to all their "older people" outings. I was always the only kid around and never allowed to leave my parents' sights. I understand now, I was being trained to the art of observing, listening and communicating with a more mature audience. Closing the imaginary "age gap" once again, from the other side of the spectrum.

I believe there's a reason I feel at ease in Singapore. Equipped with my love for Hokkien dialect and surrounded myself with the locals, I was naturally mistaken as Singaporean within one month. I learned that Singapore is another platform for me to embrace International diversities. More cultures, more adventures, more experiences, more knowledge, more things unknown. Exciting!

I believe there's a reason why I studied in Singapore, a heaven for knowledge in all forms. I continued my journey through books, tapes and seminars. Though the self-help route honestly didn't help me much, but without those pebbles to step on, I wouldn't have discovered the final rock to lean on and I wouldn't have met my amazing ex-boss who's now my mentor, my big brother and a really good friend.

I believe there's a reason why my dog, Kiky, had to pass away when I was in Singapore. Thinking of that moment could still bring me to tears. I have learned that her death was a lesson that I took really long to learn. That every moment with your loved ones is simply precious. You can't get back with whatever you think you can trade it with. Once it's gone, it's gone. I vow to myself, I will never get a dog unless I am able to spend most of my time with it. I can't bear to think I have never spent enough time with it. Not again.

I believe there's a reason why my heart was compelled to learn French for no logical reason at all. It was a gate that opened up to explosions of friendships, experiences and amazing possibilities that I wouldn't even have imagined it to be possible. If I really need to trace back, my current sources of income, all thanks to my one single decision of following my heart - taking French course in Alliance Francaise. One of the best decision ... EVER!

I believe there's a reason why I am here now. Well, maybe, there's no reason. Maybe there has never ever been a reason for anything at all. All this can just be my imagination. But I still choose to believe in reasons that serve and inspire this selfish lunatic me. Hello, c'est ma vie! As long as I still can choose for myself, I will choose to believe in the goodness of all things.

"... how simple and beautiful life can be—if we choose to see it that way." 

- Oprah Winfrey

Cow Rocks!
How 1 year and 8 months just flew outta the window and life keeps getting better. Thank you, Universe! :)

To Live With or To Live Without

Just yesterday I posted this conversation that I had with my BFF on my Facebook, it was titled as -_-" of the Day. Something that just make you have the "WTH" look.

-_-" of the Day:
DD: I think I'm not so attached to most things/people nowadays anymore. Can live without more and more things.
BFF: Really? OK, let me see what are the things I can take from your room. Hmm ... 
DD: O_O
BFF: Your clothes don't fit me. I'm not interested in your Eiffel towers. Your fridge can't fit into my room. OK. Nothing to kidnap.
DD: -_-"

I received many interesting comments too from my friends such as .....

"I want your eiffel towers."

"Are u attached to your money? I can help relieve you of your burdensome material possessions."

My friends do have great sense of humour. I enjoy playing along with them too.

Then, this afternoon, I was at the super-crowded-during-lunch-time kinda coffee shop. Sipping my hot tea and eating biscuits. I was lucky to get a seat but then again, when you are just one person, how much space do you need, right? The Universe gave me 2 tables for 4.

Meanwhile, a group of people, who were blocked by a big pillar from my angle, were looking for a table. They were trying to squeeze in 1 table which by right only fit for 2. One attentive and "efficient" server (bosses will love this kind, I bet), Mdm. Lee, came to me and asked if I was willing to swap table with them. I said, of course and thanked her for letting me know as I couldn't see them. If not, I would have offered them anyway. With my shrinking butt size, I don't really need that big space.

This incident got me thinking though. I'm not sure how it is related to my Facebook post or what I'm going to say next but I'm still going to say it anyway ...

Firstly, I find it really interesting that a day before I made such statement, the next day I was being shown a similar situation to affirm what I already affirmed.

Secondly, I am very amused by my friends' reactions who immediately think if I can live without it, I should give it away. It really got me thinking ... Sure, I can live without many many many things. But if I do have it, do I really need to give it away? Why? Just to prove my statement is right? No wonder I rarely want to be right anymore nowadays. I just want to be happy.

So, I can live without many things but I am happy to have them anyway. So, sorry my dear friends, I'm happily not giving you any of the items you are requesting not because I can't live without them but because I know I can choose to live with or without them. And, at this point of my life, I still choose to live and appreciate them for as long as they let me to too.

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Oh well, maybe not and that's fine too. It's 10.52PM now and apparently I have been given a curfew to vacate from the office building asap ... if not .... I also dunno what will happen. Hmmm ...

15 Years Ago, Today, What Do You Remember? I Remember ....

I didn't realize what the date is today until I saw whose birthday it is on Facebook, one dear hometown friend of mine. This date brings me back to 15 years ago and I choose to relive it once in a while as a great reminder because that one event has changed my life.

7 May 1998, it was a Thursday. I remember vividly sitting inside the classroom, trying to finish my final paper for the national exam - Chemistry, hate it with my entire life. Our exam was supposed to end at 9.30AM but at 9AM the principal of the school came into my class and asked us to finish our paper instantly. We had to leave the school compound asap.

It was the year of Asian Financial Crisis, however in Indonesia, a racial tension was also brewing. My principal told us that there was a bunch of rioters attacking the suburbs and the next destination would be to the houses on the main road. My house is on the main road.

We packed up. We called our school bus. I was home around 10AM. Then there was the calm before the storm. The road was pretty empty. Everybody seemed to be just ... waiting. Around 10.45AM, I started to hear noises from few houses down the road. Yeah, they arrived. Shouting in ecstasy. I couldn't figure out what they were saying. They seemed pretty happy. They had stones and kept throwing to the row of houses. Few minutes later, it was my house.

Windows were totally shattered. I was in deep fear. But what was worse than the fear itself, hatred was brewing steadily in me. The hatred lasted for more than 2 years. Frantically, I called my best friend and shouted all kind of vows of vengeance towards people who did this. My parents tried to calm me down successfully by giving me a pill. Even my dog, Kiky, was more daring than me. She kept barking her best to protect the house. I was just swearing in tears.

We slept in a windowless house for almost a week, covered only by pieces of plywood. I slept with a stick and a can of insecticide next to me. Because if I couldn''t fight them, I could spray something into their eyes and that, I thought, would be good enough (?). While waiting for my exam results and whether any universities in Singapore would accept me, I kept myself busy by watching lots of Hercules. I watched it 7x. It put me in a very happy place, for those short few moments. It is still my favourite movie of a lifetime!

Anyway, 15 years have passed. Wow. 15 years! Almost half of my life, just zoomed right through me. But that one single event has really changed me .... I often shared with people who would listen to me ... how I got past the hatred .... I asked myself one question (after reading many many many books after) - "If I were to be in their shoes, what would I do?" I imagined myself being not so well-off. I have many kids to feed and there is this opportunity to get paid and all I need to do is just to throw stones at the houses of Chinese people. I would have said yes too.

Then, I understood where they came from and my hatred towards them didn't mean anything anymore. I was set free there and then because I learned to see that there are always many sides of a story and depends on which side you are standing, you will see the story unfolds differently. I have since then consciously trying to understand as many sides as I can to any scenarios but of course, life is so expansive, at times I still don't see certain things differently, I am still making mistakes and apologizing and learning from it. But always, without regrets. That will be waste of life.

15 years ago, today, I thank you for letting me be part of you. I wouldn't have changed a single thing because you made me the imperfectly perfect me today. I also need to thank the subject I hate the most, Chemistry, without which I wouldn't have been accepted to the university. Everything happens for a reason and the reason, most of the time, only we eventually will understand.

My house is the one in the centre with my dad's beloved Vespa in front. Photo was taken the next day after the riot.

When DD Said "Adventure", Life Gave Her One Immediately

Just 1 day after my May Day post, declaring to the world that "my life is indeed an adventure", The Universe heard me so fast and gave me the first "adventure". So, here we go ....

After happily sharing my lunch to my FB friends, I proceeded to the bus stop and waited under the super hot sun for my bus. I told my friend,"If I stand under this heat for few minutes every day, I'm sure I can burn some calories without exercising." The bus heard me, refusing to let me burn off those calories around my belly, it arrived shortly after. I hopped on happily and continued whatsapp-ing / facebook-ing my friends.

One hour later, I grabbed my bag, went in to the building where I supposed to start my social media project work. Then, I realized ... I forgot something. My weight seemed too light. Oh yeah ... I left my laptop in the bus. Better still, the laptop doesn't belong to me. Oh yeah, baby!

There was a little bit of panicky moment ... but I immediately called the bus hotline for more than 5x, nobody picked up. Oh well ... I googled through my dying Blackberry apparently the terminal is not that far away. So, I took another bus and prayed really hard hoping the laptop was being kept by the driver at the terminal. At least 20 minutes had passed since I went off the bus. Arriving at the terminal, I approached any bus drivers who then led me to their small little office and found out the bus has left the terminal. No laptop was spotted. Many kind people there, really, from the lady drivers, to the uncles, they all tried their best to help me. One has called the office at the final interchange and asked me to talk to the guy. The guy on the phone said he would call me back.

One uncle gave me a few more numbers and I just called all of them and repeated the same message. Well, no harm, right? No idea whom I called. I still had 50-50 chance by then. The driver could have kept it and brought it to the interchange or some passengers with sharp eyes might see it and grabbed it away. I told The Universe, whatever it is, I am learning my lesson and will think about it later.

Meanwhile, I was thinking for plan B, asking all my friends for contacts if they knew where I could get such model at a discount. One friend offered an alternative solution to the issue and offered her old laptop with friendship price. Another one was willing to give me her spare laptop for free. I was deeply touched by the people who were there and offered their ears/heads/hearts/laptop to me. What could I really do anyway? Carelessness happened. I had tried all ways to get it retrieved. At that moment, I could only smile, breathe deeply and wait for phone calls. I did just that.

On the way back to the building, I received a phone call from the first guy I spoke to. *Poof* ... He said he had tried his best. He called 4 drivers and none saw any laptop. "Oh well..", I said, "It's okay then. I will lodge a police report, I guess." Back to the building I went and just totally let go of the entire situation. I drank more water. Very thirsty lah ... weather so hot!

Then I wondered,"What do I need to learn here? How did I attract and create this situation?" For sure I was not being "present" at that moment! I was in the "now" then but I was not in the "here" of the situation. My body was in the bus but my mind was elsewhere. I let go and quickly switched to Plan B/C mode. I realized I was not too panicky as I normally would ... guess that's a good thing. I remembered to breathe and smile and "oh well, what now?" to myself. I continued on with my life ...

As I am a big fan of romantic comedies and cartoons, my adventure too had a happy ending. Half an hour later, I received another phone call from Mr. Wee (must be the 2nd or 3rd gentleman I talked to from whichever number that was given to me earlier). He said,"Oh you are so lucky. The bus just reached the interchange and your laptop is with us." Of course, I went there afterwards. Of course, I thanked him/them/anyone with all my heart. Of course, I took my laptop and left and came back again to pass them the abundant of bread I bought to show my deep appreciation to them.

Am I really "lucky"? Hell yeah! I am well supported and protected in all ways. Then I declared to some of my friends that I love this country and the people in it DEEP DEEP DEEP! Because if the same thing has happened elsewhere ... you will see me singing Auld Lang Syne with a bottle of something.

Well, what I learn for sure is to be really careful with what you ask for! I think I need to tweak the part when I say my life is an adventure! Must specify what kinda adventure I'm having. Universe ah, don't like that play one can? But thank you nevertheless to give me an amazing happy ending in the end. All is well indeed.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one’s own way.”
—Dr. Viktor Frankl

A Letter to May Day of 2013

Hello 1st of May 2013.

I welcome you with open heart and over flowing joy because I sincerely have been looking forward to meet you after much anticipation since 4 months ago. Many have worried for me - from family members to friends - but not me. Why? Because this marks the day that I am officially without a constant income, without a title, without a job and ultimately without a perceived safety net. I am totally fine and at peace with it. I actually feel excited of the path ahead of me. :) Lunatic? Yeah, I have been self-declaring that for months. Nobody really believes me anyway. They thought I am joking when I speak the truth. Not the first time anyway, right?

So, what's in store for me this month? I am not really sure. I am quite busy though ... I will tell you why .. later, if I do remember.

For sure, looking back at the rear view mirrors, I realized I am a chatterbox ... daily without fail, I simply love to share my happenings to a few of my friends. I believe some of them must be bored to death. Since I have a blog with my name, I decide, it's my story, my blog, I am going to tell it here instead. Save my breath and those who are really interested can continue reading it. Those who are not, will be free from my constant messaging.

After more than 1 year of living so freely and truly to myself, I realize, my life is indeed an adventure. Full of stories. I simply couldn't contain what I have in me anymore. I have to let it out. Though today is a public holiday where most people are resting and simply not doing anything ... I know one friend has to go back to the office due to the nature of her job ... so I shall join her and make this my first post for May Day of 2013!

How did I end the month of April, BTW?
With an impromptu dinner.
3 of my friends were there for dinner and 2 of them joined in afterwards.
I was challenged to do a dare which ended up with me meeting 5 other lovely friends of mine. My heart really couldn't contain my happiness when I met all of them. I was lunatically ecstatic!
I had a great night. I hope my friends did too. I love all of them dearly because through them I see the beauty of this amazing world. Oh yeah ... I also would like to thank 2 other special friends ... 1 of them was trying to accommodate her schedule for me but simply couldn't and the other one bothered to listen to my rant though I bet she was really sleepy at 1.30AM.

I have great friends. I have great encounters and I indeed have an awesome life that I wouldn't trade for anything in this world.

Thank you all for this amazing ending and beginning of what's to come. For my readers, you will sure to hear from me more often now. :) Thanks for reading so far! :D

PS. Since I remember what I said earlier ... I have been busy with many complimentary wine tastings last months. Looking forward to more. Need more divine juice to keep on writing, you know? :D

 A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.

- Thomas Carlyle

Dear Knees of Mine, I Love You Crazily!

I have never loved the left side of my lower back so much until today. I woke up with pain but I ignored it and went to sleep again thought it would go away. Alas, apparently I have sprained my left lower back without knowing how it did happen. Maybe I practiced some impossible Kungfu moves during my sleep.

The entire day I moved in pain, I still am. My BFF couldn't stop laughing because I do look like some senior citizen grasping for breath. I too had fun laughing at myself because it was pretty amusing. However when my attention deficit disorder behaviour went away and I was left with only pure awareness of my body, I felt very appreciative towards my knees that enable me to still perform certain movements that normally require bending. I appreciate my flexibility like I've never done before. Then I laughed because maybe this indeed is a preview to old age if my joints decide to be super stiff, where movements are simply limited (if I'm granted to live that long, of course). It's not easy. Almost anything that relates to bending, I need an extra support from my hand. I can't just do it freely anymore.

I always find it amazing that such simple actions - bending and twisting - where people do it without blinking, require many parts of the body to make it happen. This amazing machine called "body of ours", when one of its parts is down, it hinders us in doing so many things. Oh, even squatting was a tough chore.

Today I declare my utmost love to every single parts of my body, and you should too. Without them, I can't do many things and guess that's what this humbling pain is trying to teach me. I am especially in love with my knees this weekend. I may take a few more movements to accomplish what I can do in one swift, but I could still do it.

Our body is indeed an amazing creation. As long as mine is still operated by the breaths I take, I promise to make it one of the greatest love of my life because without it, I'm just a lover in spirit. That really won't be that fun for someone who jumps around like a monkey like me!

To awesome health!

PS. I bet if my parents read this, I will receive a call with some lovely nagging in place ... I'm waiting ... :p

Finding Comfort in the Unknown

If there's a theme for the first quarter of my 2013, it gotta be a few of the following words ...
- The Unknown
- The Untitled
- The Unlabeled
- The Uncertain
- The Unexplainable

This is not the first time I faced so many situations that were totally incomprehensible; all happened at the same time. But, this is the first time I find myself feeling really at ease with most of them. Some take a little more time but eventually, feeling at peace is the final destination. Name me one aspect of life and I will confidently tell you,"Je ne sais pas!" because I really have no clue about what is happening and what is going to unfold next. Truthfully, I'm crazily okay with it now.

Ironically, life is never certain, isn't it? But most of us live our life, as if we have the premonitions of what will happen the very next hour, most of the time. We do flow in life with this sense of security and certainty, somehow. That our jobs are still there. That our friends are still with us. That people who know us, will understand us. That our health will not really give way because oh we are so healthy now. That we will go travel here and there by this time of the year. That we will go out and have fun. That the food we love will somehow be there forever for us.

Humility is one of the biggest teacher in life and finally I come to grasp the latest lesson I just learned that there are some things, no matter how brilliant our logical mind tries to understand, we will not be able to get any explanations regarding some people or circumstances, even in this lifetime. They will remain as ... mysteries. Especially if the circumstances involve another human being, the level of manipulation might be higher. People say, well you can just ask the person directly if you want to know the truth. But what is the truth? Words are free. One can create a set of truth to answer your queries but how will you know if that's the REAL truth?

Nothing is more liberating and comforting than finally realizing that the only truth in your life, is the one you allow to stay in your mind. Since you are capable of deluding yourselves with so many miserable things, why not choose something that actually make you feel at peace. For this specific situation that I am going through, I choose to believe that though I have done my very best with good intention, others are free to interpret, perceive and twist whatever I intent. I have my freedom and they too have theirs. I choose to bless the experience, then let go and let The Universe do what it knows best.

Someone taught me "路遥知马力，日久见人心" which literally means over a long distance, one will learn the strength of the horse, over a long period of time, you will know what's in a person's heart. Funnily, this very same person now actually delivered this lesson through live demonstration! Great life teacher indeed!

True character of a person can be revealed by time, but I would like to add, not only by time but by difficult time. Because everybody can be awesome friends during good time. Only in the very testing hour of life, someone's true nature will surface up. I'm so grateful that it only took me less than 2 years to realize the "truth" of certain situation.That's not very long, really.

To end with a beautiful Indonesian phrase that I really love, "Mati satu tumbuh seribu", which means when one dies, thousand more will grow. My story indeed has a very happy ending. :) Because what was lost, the Universe decided to replace it with greater possibilities.

What is the Unknown? Ah ... but a beautiful blank canvas where I am free to paint as I wish. But the dots to be filled with whatever you can imagine them to be. I welcome and embrace the Unknown with all my heart because life is so much more fun when you think you are some kind of superhero, just like in the movie, conquering adventures as they come with the unexpected twists  and turns; but you know in the end all is going to be really swell.

Image courtesy of the Facebook page of Moving the Sun to Shine in Dark Places

Love Yourself First - Why Should You?

Try saying to yourself this statement - "I love myself and I put myself first." 
How does it make you feel?

More often than not, if you are not used to this concept, it will bring some shiver down your spine. You will not be at ease in saying that statement and it totally doesn't feel natural. Some people think by saying that, you are automatically a selfish and egoistic person. I used to think that way too but now, I beg to differ.

I really wonder how majority of us are being brought to believe that it is selfish to love ourselves. I wouldn't know many of your stories but I have my own life to look at.

In a traditional Chinese or I believe Asian family, we are so accustomed to put everyone first but ourselves. We have to put our elders first; these include our parents, our elder brothers/sisters, our grandparents, our aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, friends' parents, parent's friends, etc and the list goes on. As long as these people are in front of you, you are taking the second chair.

You have to show "respect" by making sure the people who are older than you are taken care of first. Hence, it's very common in the Asian family, the eldest in the family always take on the most responsibility, especially in the olden days and especially if you are a male. Many have sacrificed their own studies to go out and work early in their lives so that they are able to support their siblings. This trait is really admirable and pretty much rare to be seen in where I'm living now.

I too learned from my school and church that I have to serve. So, we serve for the sake of serving. I served for the sake of "this is how it is supposed to be". I served relentlessly on a weekly basis, if I could. But, there's this fake façade I found in people that at that point of time I couldn't pinpoint what it was. But it didn't feel "real". It felt like some people were there "serving" for a different purpose.

Don't get me wrong! I think ultimately, all our life purpose is not for ourselves, we have our own calling, believe it or not. You don't need to be Oprah or Jesus to have a calling. Your calling may just be for your family or friends and still that's a worthy calling. However, from my own personal experience, serving, giving and everything are so much more fulfilling when I have first to learn how to serve/give/love myself.

Loving yourself, is not a selfish act at all. It's actually the other way round.

Imagine if you are a car, your purpose is to be driven and to bring your passengers from point A to point B. Well, I don't drive well and I don't know the mechanics of a car but I do know one of the most important component without which you just can't go here go there is - you need the fuel.

To love yourself first, is like to put a full tank in your car to ensure your passengers have a good ride to their destination. To love yourself first, means to be the best that you can be so that you can give the best of yourself to others. How is that a selfish act? It is not only a win-win situation, because when your tank is full, you are happy. When you help others when you are happy, others are happy too.

I come a really long way in learning how to love myself. 14 years to be exact and I briefly mentioned how I came to realize that in previous post of mine where I talked about my parents. Since, I have been on both sides now (quoting Joni Mitchell's awesome song), I realize I am a better person after my tank is full. Not only I am happier, but others feel better when they are with me. How can they not be? My tank is full, I can bring them here and there to their destinations. Though sometimes my car will breakdown, but after putting myself at rest into a imaginary service center - as long as the fuel is intact, I'm good to go again.

Now, when I look back at all the values I have learned from being in a traditional Chinese family, being from school, from church I used to attend, I can now appreciate them even more. When I do give my respect to my elders, it comes from the utmost sincere place. I respect you because I want to and not because I need to and not because it's customary and tradition to do so. When I do good and serve others, it's not because I have to and not because I need to follow a certain doctrine to prove my worthiness, but because I love to and I genuinely will do it without anybody instructs me to do so.

Loving myself first, is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was a long and winding road but I have arrived, and here/now is better than there/then.

So, love yourself first, why should you?

Because before it's too late for you to realize, you are the only being who has accompanied you at your birth. You are the only person who has made all the choices in life that brought you where you are now. You are the only person who is still standing when others have left. You are the only person who cried yourself to sleep and still woke up the next morning and live your life as it is. You will be the one and only person who take that final breath as you part with this amazing journey called life. Why shouldn't you love yourself when ultimately, you are all that you really have?

The most meaningful lesson I learned from being at death’s door is that unless I love myself, nothing else in my life can function at its best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy I experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love I have for myself. The amount of love, kindness, patience I have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness I have for myself, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. - Anita Moorjani 

Facebook Fasting - Life Without FB for One Week

Facebook Fasting for a week - a decision that I made exactly one week ago (7 July 2012) and wow, time simply flows. It's been an interesting week as I'm observing myself going through this experiment and now is my time to reflect and share my learnings.

Why? 
I made this decision when I consciously caught myself unconsciously checking on FB (even if there's no need for me to be there) as long as I was idle or bored. I could be on the bus. I could be walking. I could be waiting. I could have better things to do but I didn't want to and my fingers had their minds of their own and they automatically went to FB. That realization shocked me and hence I made the decision to check myself into a self-made FB Rehab program. 

The objective of this experiment was for me to be more aware and conscious of my actions when it comes to FB especially in the department of browsing aimlessly as if my life depends on the updates of others. My friend, Nate sent me this photo below on the first day of my fast and I thought it was hilarious.

Image source: www.lagag.com

How?
The rules are entirely created by myself and there are a few such as:

1. No access to FB in any ways except through email notifications 
2. No posting and commenting on new items unless from existing posts and can only reply by email and no other ways

Some of my friends said I should have cut-off all email notifications too but I insisted no to that because, like it or not FB is a new way to reach out to someone and I do rely on them for invitation to events, for arranging an outing, etc. So, email notifications are important and hence I treated it as if I am receiving normal emails anyway. I will not cut it off totally because that was not the objective of the fast in the first place. You will see why I am so glad I didn't cut it off.


When?
7 - 14 July 2012


What Happened Then?

Day 1 - Saturday, 7 July 2012
Since it was a Saturday and I already woke up pretty late, the day passed pretty fast. I didn't feel the "withdrawal" syndrome yet as there were activities to keep me occupied. Until I was on the bus, with nothing else but my phone and wallet, at one point my fingers automatically pressed "B" for browser and almost typed "www.f ...." then I STOPPED to my horror. It was so reflexive that I almost didn't realize it happened. It was really a WTH moment for me. No more itch after that. Oh yeah, friends whatsapp-ed me photos that were uploaded on their FB pages. I thought that's really interesting. I was fasting but they couldn't help but to share what's happening on their pages.


Day 2 - Sunday, 8 July 2012
Another tolerable day since my day was packed from day to night. Another friend shared with me what's on her page. 


Day 3 - Monday, 9 July 2012
Worst day ever for FB Fast. I had a very bad withdrawal syndrome that every time I felt the itch, I simply ranted to all my friends. That happened a lot of times during the course of the day! It was really horrible. It was when I was so bored to hell that I needed something to numb my mind, and I couldn't browse and the feeling of irritation was tremendous. One great friend reassured me that I didn't miss much as there were only photos on food, babies and most probably not important jokes and links that don't matter after a while.

However, something interesting happened. Normally when you are staying away from things, the more the universe is trying to tease you with it. This day was one of them. As I was contributing to a blog about an event I attended recently, I needed certain photos which were only on my FB. I refused to access it no matter what and begged my BFF to go to my page, tell me what she saw and emailed the photos to me. She laughed at me with all the joy she could sum up as this is karma. She has her "Gadget Free Night" on Wednesday from 9-12PM, during those moments I always tease her and have the tendency to show her something on FB. Karma really struck hard on me this time. 


Day 4 - Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Caught myself reflexively wanting to go to FB 1x. Phew ...
Friend shared me a link of a restaurant and asked if I've been there before. I went to their domain name and they brought me to their FB page directly. I closed it and I told my friend, sorry! Not today. Honestly, I feel silly and realize how FB has permeated into our lives just like that. 


Day 5 - Wednesday, 11 July 2012
A peaceful day indeed. Nothing much happening. No itch at all. A dinner appointment has been set through FB message, luckily I didn't go cold turkey on the email alerts. 


Day 6 - Thursday, 12 July 2012
I received email notifications that people shared what I have shared previously. Clueless. But totally not curious to check out what that was too. I think I was "healing" well.


Day 7 - Friday, 13 July 2012
You are not going to believe that in my work, FB is being used. Certain updates were being announced through FB so much faster that my staff alerted me to it. FB, you are indeed here to stay. You are not friendster or just a phase. You are much more.


What Do I Get Out Of This?

Today is the day when everything is over. When I should be jumping up and down in happiness that finally I can browse FB again but I realize I don't have such feeling. I don't have such urge anymore. The rehab program does work. This image was the first thing I saw when I opened up my FB page (there were also 3 friend requests which I have approved before I took the print-screen of it). Huah! 

These are what I have learned from the entire experiment:

1. Life without browsing aimlessly is do-able. When your mind is set on somethings, with enough will power and self-control, you can be assured that you will achieve it.
2. There are people who really missed my presence on FB and told me about it. You know who you are, I really cherish the acknowledgments. I am glad to be back too to connect with all of you.
3. I realize I have so much time available. I managed to finish one book which was a memoir (a type of book that I have no patience for, normally) and I'm embarking to a novel type of book now (which again, another type of book that I have no patience for!). Now, I appreciate it. It is rewarding and enriching to the mind and soul.
4. I have more ideas and I write more. I managed to finish 5 pages of writing though it was very haphazard but I did it. Well, there was a deadline set by my dear friend to it but still, if I was busy browsing, I wouldn't have done it. 
5. FB is a part of my life. Some people may condemn its existence but I choose to embrace it. Like any tools, when used appropriately, it does more good than harms. 
6. I share therefore I live. I miss sharing quotes on FB. I have so many that I keep collecting in my invisible warehouse and couldn't wait to share with the world on my goodies. Life and including quotes are so much better when one is able to share them with others.

I am really glad I went through what I went through. I learned so much about myself and about people around me and about FB in this short fasting period. And it's true, when you simply take the stand as an observer, you learn so much more interesting quirks that you will not see if you are in the system. I believe this applies to many aspects of life too. When some things go crazy, step aside, step out, walk away for a while and observe what's happening. When you are ready, move back into it and you will see things with a better perspective. 


I love putting myself into such experiment and wonder what will be my next fasting like? Hmm ... thinking cap is on. :) 


Thanks for reading up to this point. Thanks for being with me in this journey too. I am really grateful for your presence on/off FB with me. Have a great weekend, everyone! Oh yes, today is Bastille Day (French National Day). 

"Bonne fête, tout le monde!"

An Unusually Usual Friday

10.25PM on a pretty quiet Friday night. I am sitting down accompanied by my ergonomic keyboard with the sound of wind gently banging on my balcony door. It feels like an unusual Friday night ... How can it not be? This is the first since 16th of September 2011, I finally have my Friday to myself doing absolutely nothing. Provided my calendar is not bluffing me. If it bluffed, then the previous "Me Time" Friday would have been on 24th of June 2011.

Startled!

As I went through the list of my past happenings, damn I did lots of things every Friday! I ate, drank, watched play, watched movies, went to friends house, traveled, invited friend to my house, etc ... can't believe those have been the past. Some of them still felt so fresh as if they were few weeks old. Time really waits for no one and moments just pass you by without you realizing. What you held once as "an awesome time" now it's simply a part of your memory. Sometimes make me wonder,"So, that was it? A fragment of my memory?"

But that's life. It passes. It flows. It doesn't stop and wait for you.
Each and every breath that you are inhaling now, is unique, then it passed and ... gone. Next breath. Inhale. Exhale. Gone ....

On this unusually usual Friday, without any outside activities, without much interactions, I am actually consciously breathing and aware of my each and every breath. Surprisingly, it feels unusually awesome to feel and breathe life in its stillness.

An Eulogy with Wicked

Recently, I had the privilege to watch Wicked in Singapore. A musical that has been glorified by a few of my friends who were lucky enough to watch it in US. I am grateful Wicked managed to find its way to Singapore and I didn't need to fly so long to watch it.

Image courtesy of www.applause-tickets.com

Geez ... what an awesome performance it was. I was genuinely amazed. Love the story. Love the songs. Love the lyrics. But most importantly, I just love the lesson it tried to impart through the "perceived" good and evil, that some things are simply not what they seem to be. In the darkness there is light and vice versa.

Ideally, I would love to watch Kristin Chenoweth plays Glenda but I don't think that will happen as she has left the Broadway scene for quite a few years now. I first chanced upon her in Pushing Daisies, although she was not the lead actress but she sure made sucha big impact and you couldn't help but to love her so much. I remember her more than the lead actress anyway! At that time I was ignorant about her big role in Wicked.

Then, she appeared again in my momma Oprah's farewell spectacular and she sang "For Good". Another round of ignorance, I didn't even know that song was from Wicked. I only know,"Wow! What an appropriate song hor ...!" Then I dug deeper and found out ... damn, this is from Wicked! Damn, the lyrics is so awesome. Damn! I love this song to the core and then a light-bulb-moment dawned on me ... I want this song to be played in my funeral as an eulogy, as a thank-you note to those who have given me something in life.

Ok. Call me crazy. But those who are really close to me know that I have been really fascinated with "death". I love to visit quirky places that have relations to death and so far I have been to Les Catacombs (Paris), Cimetière du Père-Lachaise (Paris) and Trunyan Village (Bali). More to come.

Then a friend introduced me to a Latin phrase - Memento Mori which means "remember your mortality" or "remember you will die". What a beautiful and morbid concept. But how can it be morbid when that is the absolute truth about life? We will die one day. You will never know when, won't you? Unless you choose to take your own life by your own hand. But majority of us do think we are going to live forever. Going through everyday simply by ticking the to-do lists. Sure, nothing wrong with that actually. But on your death-bed, once you have fulfilled them, I just wonder, will all be worth it? I am not sure. I can't answer this question myself.

However, I do know for sure, up until now, quality relationships with people who are genuine and connected well with your souls are worth it. When you do look back, you will think of those moments how someone have touched your life, how someone have awakened you and pushed you to grow further. You will also think about the great happy moments that you have. Occasionally you may dwell into the dark sides but those will not last, unless you love to stay in the dark for long. I know I don't. Those happy shiny moments will takeover and simply make you feel so much better. Then you know, you do have a life well lived.

I have been really fortunate and blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful souls in this lifetime. I have also been fortunate to be able to cut off the energy suckers, not easy but sometimes it is simply necessary to do. Hence to all the beings that I have been in contact, what else can be more appropriate then when I am gone from this earth, to thank each and everyone of them by singing "For Good" as an eulogy for me to you.

Here, I share a snippet of the beautiful lyrics and its video when Kristin Chenoweth sang for Oprah, while the men of Moorehouse College who had received scholarship from her, appeared. Hope you will enjoy it as much as I do while remembering those people who have indeed changed you for good.

PS. Apparently, having a rehearsal by singing to my best friend was not a very good idea. Many tissues were "killed". Guess I will keep the rehearsal session to myself.

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

Au Revoir 2011! Bonjour 2012!

Hello readers

2011 is finally saying farewell to us. 2012 will enter in few hours time.

How has 2011 been to you?

What have you learned?
What will you leave behind?
And what will you bring with you to 2012?

I have learned that not until you love yourself, the world won't love you the way you think. I have learned that those that really matters tend to be the simple intangible things in life such as relationships. I have learned that what you feed your mind affects how you view the world.

I will leave behind the thought that the elements outside me need to change before I can be happy and contented. I will leave behind that I have no control and not responsible for all aspects of my life. I will leave behind the naive concept that there are somethings can be forever.

I will bring with me into 2012 the "me" that is slowly evolving and revealing to its truest expression of self. I will bring with me my intuition, my gut feel, to listen to them more after listening to kind advices from others. I will bring with me my blessings and feeling of constant gratitude to things / experiences I have already had and those that will come my way at their own time.

I am saying goodbye to 2011 with a great smile on my face knowing I have lived an awesome and colorful life and I am looking forward to 2012 for more awesome experiences that I believe will come. Good and bad are really relative. I wish everyone a life well lived, a lesson well learned and laughters well shared.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

11 Dec 2011 - With Models of Abercrombie & Fitch.
See! Told you my 2011 was awesome and "colorful"! *wink*

If I Can Only

If I can only speak two words
Let them be "Thank You"
To all the souls who have taught me how to live

If I can only move one part of my face
Let them be my lips
To smile upon the blessings which have chanced upon me

If I can only give one thing
Let them be my question
To realize that answers are there all along

If I can only feel one emotion
Let them be love
To let me know that all is supreme

Thank You for Letting be Your "Anyhow" Teacher

This post may come a little bit too late but I would like to wish Happy Teachers' Day to those who teach in the traditional manners and to those who don't. I dedicate this post instead to my ex-students who still bother to see me as a teacher!

I used to be a teacher for a super duper short time ... so short that even with one hand, you can count the number of months I really taught. And if you scrutinize further the hours I did teach ... it was so measly that I wonder did I really deserve to be called a teacher?

Nevertheless, until today, I keep in touch with 2 precious students of mine. Both, cutely, used to be childhood best friends. One (Ms. Ding Dong) wished me over FB - an award winning media student, the other one (Aunty Cheng) sent me a Whatsapp message and currently is pursuing her career as a teacher, she's quite a sought-after tuition teacher herself.

Though honestly, academically I taught them NOTHING as I myself didn't know what I was teaching about. Don't ask me anything about Chemistry and Mathematics. There's a reason why I scored only A in the subject called - Tao of Action Learning. I am grateful enough to have their friendships. One helps me update all kind of perks, deals and latest gossips in town. One helps me to hunt down things from Paris then wrote me a postcard and said "Paris nice meh?". Geez ... tell me who's the lucky one here? I am.

Thank you, for letting me be your "teacher". Even 7 years have passed, you both are no longer in that yellow/blue uniforms, it's a miracle we still maintain our friendships. Here's to more years to come and by then I believe I will still look as young as you both! HUMF!

Love you all!

17th October 2005 - Celebrating Lonceng Ding Dong's birthday

8th December 2008 - Catching Up with Aunty Cheng @ Ya Kun

I Think I Can Die Now

HA!

You think it's going to be a morbid post? It's not. Don't worry. I'm not depressive or anything.

Just that at this moment of my life, I feel like a ball of happiness. So happy. So contented. So fulfilled that I can just die now.

Sometimes I really wonder why am I not dead yet? Why can't I just go happy like this? What's there for me to do ah ....? I wonder and I wonder ...

Let's see how long the wondering will go.

Guess there's something really not finished for me yet here ... Hmm ... I hope I will find it and finish it and still leave this world as one chunky ball of pure happiness.

On verra. (We'll see)

I hope you will have a chunky ball of happiness inside you too.

I greet each day with optimism and joy. I am a bundle of joy, and people love to see me. It is such an exciting time to be alive! - Louise L. Hay

Donna, What About Your Purpose in Life?

Recently, I posted something stupid on my facebook? Eh hold on -_-" I posted my previous blog post on my facebook. That's not too silly, isn't it? Anyway, I posted it and a friend of mine who had a great memory of my "silly questions" asked me,"What about your purpose in life?"

I used to "irritate" most of my close friends with the question - What is your purpose in life? If money is not a problem, what would you do? They will give me a stare, pondered a little then answer. This friend of mine, however, was in a same boat as me. We are both still searching, I guess. The conversation went something like this:

DD: What is your purpose in life?
My funny friend: Don't know yet.
(Few days later)
My funny friend: I know how you can know your purpose in life already.
DD: Really? How?
My funny friend: Google it!
DD: -_____________________________​_____-"

Though I almost fell of my chair when I read that, I did google it! Haha. I found Steve Pavlina's article is insightful as usual. I didn't read it. But the tab has always been open on my browser ever since and I continued living my life.

Can't believe one month has passed since then and apparently, I have not been losing sleep thinking about my purpose in life. I was too busy living my life. Literally. (Though some of my close friends don't agree with this statement.)

Believe it or not, I have one of the best 1 month ever. I have many new friends, many new experiences, connected with many old friends and even went to Beer Fest with one though we haven't met since university time, signed up to a new course, loving French even more, etc. For the first time I remember how it feels to truly live and breathe again. 90% of my breathing and non-sleeping moment, I feel alive. I feel grateful and blessed in every way.

Did anything change? Hmm ... not really but if I have to pinpoint on two things:
- I am more grateful with what I have
- I keep asking questions even though answers may not come immediately

You see, I still don't know what my purpose in life. And shitty events still pop out of no where. At times I could just flaunt my "French" in Hokkien that I didn't even accompany it with
"pardon my _______" to end the sentence. But one of the question I used to ask, I know how to answer it now. That feels really good. That makes a difference.

Question:
If money is not a problem, what would you do?

Answer:
If money is in abundance, I will spend as much quality time as possible with my friends. As I am someone who loves 1-to-1 interaction with people, that's when the quality of the conversation heightened, I will meet 2-3 different people a day and have a super quality time with them. I will travel if I need to and do this 5x a week. The last 2 days of the way, I reserve it for myself and my family.

I will learn from my friends and listen attentively as each words they say may be the next wisdom yet to be discovered. But I do have friends that function well as a group, we will go to a country of our dream and simply have a great "bitching with quality" time.

If money is not a problem, I would really love to visit the following countries on a regular basis just because my friends who live there easily triumph all the monuments that has ever been built.
- USA
- France
- Germany
- Belgium
- Switzerland
- UK
- Australia
- Canada
- Indonesia
- Malaysia
- China
- Hong Kong

However, back to my friend's question - Donna, What about your purpose in life?
My answer to her was,"Still googling."

When I know it, my friend, my mouth that moves like that of goldfish, will definitely tell you about it. Meanwhile, I am going to choose to breathe as one wise man used to say:

"Choose to inhale; do not breathe simply to exist. That's not always easy but it is always worthy." - Final sentences of Mattie Stepanek on his dying bed.

Image courtesy of my own album taken in Toulouse, France 24th December 2008

How Was "THE" French Class? - L'atelier des vins et de la gastronomie française

So ... she asked.
"Any feedback?"
"What do you think of the class?"
"Anything we can add and change?"

*Silence*

Seriously, I don't know how to answer those questions in French. Compared to most of my classmates, I am not only the youngest but the poorest with French vocabularies ever. Most of them either speak fluent French or have at least taken French course for minimum of 5 years. Me ... not even 2 years and even DARED to take a break for 1+ years. -__-"

I could understand 60-70% of the words but to respond to them, that's another realm.

"L'atelier des vins et de la gastronomie française" means French wines and food workshop. I registered myself to the class simply because there's the word WINE in it! I was even willing to pay a premium for it.

You think I'm a miser, right? Sometimes I am .... I brought my voucher to the counter and the aunty said,"you cannot use this voucher for this class ler ..." Then I replied,"Oh! Issit?" (Thinking for a few seconds and ...) "Ok lah ... I want this class.", I decided. The rest is history.

First day of the class was so intimidating! "WTF!" I was shouting so loud in my mind. Not only I was the youngest, littlest and lousiest with my speaking French! Most of them know their terroir, food, wines, Michelin chefs, map of France, .... I know RIEN (nothing)! Some can even recite the experience they have had with the Louis Vuitton of desserts, restaurants, etc .... I stared in amazement accompanied with my fit flop and chewing gum.

That was exactly 7 weeks ago :) Nothing changes, of course. I am still the youngest, smallest, and lousiest with my speaking French. I love Hokkien when combined with French and I still love to wear my FitFlops despite how horrendous the fashionista may think.

However, the invisible networks of friendships have evolved. One decision that I made 7 weeks ago has opened me up to a beautiful perspective towards world that I will never imagine I will be a witness of. Edith Piaf will say,"Je ne regrette rien (I regret nothing)."

What a wonderful classmates I have! To name a few:

• A perfectionist baker
• A happy and resourceful chef
• The "nose"
• The rescuer of the furry ones
• The one who shields us all
• The wine expert
  
• The "enlightened" Frenchie
  

"What do you think of the class?"
I think, it's fantastic.

Not because of the syllabus, the materials. But the passion of the teacher and fellow students. The moments they have weaved together through sharing their stories. And ultimately, the stories they will tell when they are asked by others.

"What do you think of the class?"
I think the class is like life. You may pay an expensive price for something that you don't even know what to expect. You went in with an open mind and open heart. You have no calculative ROI (Return of Investment). And you get out with an everlasting experience. It is something that words can't decipher and money can't really comprehend.

Ultimately, I am thankful for the experience. I am thankful for the kind souls I have encountered that I will be in touch dearly (provided they feed me with food, desserts and wines!). I learn so much from all of you that I would want to learn more. I have been fortunate and honoured to be at the presence of all of you. Hope these friendships, intertwined with the love of food, wines and desserts, will form a beautiful chapters in our lives.

Merci beaucoup, tout le monde! :)


PS. Photos of all the wines have been chosen because I respect the privacy of my classmates and let them be eternalized by these bottles always! HAHA (*what a crap I am writing, man*!)

The Gift That Gives to the Givers

Two weeks ago, my friend whom I knew from one of the earlier French class I attended, invited a group of us for her 10th year anniversary. In my life, I have only heard of such event in movies but never really participated in any. I almost went to a panic mode when a dress code was announced, my wardrobe looks more suitable for going to the market than any of such big event. No wonder I never really like to go to wedding. The dress code scares me!

But she's a very special friend of mine. I call her "ma tante" (means my aunty in French). She doesn't look like any typical aunty though she may shop like one but she looks like a "hot" momma! In our group of 10 ladies who love French things (and some - like me - took it to the extreme by carrying piece of Eiffel everywhere), ma tante has always been the mother figure to everyone. She's selfless and being the Type A personality, always makes sure things are well thought and planned for.

So, when such monumental event was being announced, I seriously wonder deeply what gift would be appropriate? Clueless, really. Not to mention, she has warned a lot of times, not to give her anything as she doesn't need anything in life. Just be there and enjoy the moment. But how can that be possible!

I thought, what else could be better than to find a gift that gives more. So I asked her, will it be okay if I donate to a charity of her choice. She was very supportive to the idea and asked me to check out www.ForJuliana.org, the fiance of one of the most touching story on American Idol 2011 contestant, Chris Medina. If you haven't heard about him, please do. Check out the following videos:
- American Idol audition
- His single "What Are Words"

In short, Chris and Juliana were supposed to get married but a tragic car accident wrecked their dreams away just 2 months prior to the wedding. However, he chose to stay by her side and mentioned these few precious words that has become the inspiration of his single - “What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me the most.”

Once hearing my plan, the rest of Les Frenchies girls were on board with me and together we donated through Laurus Foundation and everyone was delighted. Secretly though, I was not that satisfied. Ma tante deserves more than this, I thought. So, I bombarded the email of the Executive Director of the Foundation, Chris Medina's FB and Chris Medina's official website. When you ask, you do receive.

The morning of the event, I received the most wonderful email from Juliana's mom - Janet, who told me that Chris thought it would be more personal to handwrite a letter to ma tante. Thanks to my friend's office printer too, we managed to pull things through and the result is as seen below.


As much as one may see it is a touching and thoughtful gift. But to me personally, the whole experience, has given me the most meaning. Sure, the destination was worth it :) but the journey to get there, the kind souls who have taken the extra miles in making sure ma tante was surprised = Priceless.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the following kind souls with the equal order of importance and significance:

• Jim Dolan, the Executive Director of Laurus Foundation - Thanks for passing the message to Chris. I hope your foundation will be able to reach the goal to help Juliana.
• Janet, Juliana's mom - Thanks for taking the time to write to me and making sure it pulls through not only in time but in such a beautiful manner. Wish Juliana a steady recovery. With so much love and prayers from all over the world, it is just about the timing, Juliana will be okay again :)
• Chris Medina - Thanks for taking the time to send us the handwritten letter. You are indeed a rare soul who chose to stand by your partner in times of need. Your story will be an inspiration to many people. Wish you all the best in your singing career.
• Ma tante - For being such a loving figure. Your selflessness is something that is so rare that not only your family is lucky to have you but we are so privileged to have known you.
  
• M.Y. - For taking the risk to go back to her office to get the letter printed.
  
• Les Frenchies - For supporting me in this idea and put Singapore on the map in supporting Juliana :) You girls are DIAMONDS! (They love their blings too much ...)
  
• The Emcee of the night - For the beautiful suggestion and convincing me to read it out to ma tante as if Chris was there reading it to her. Though I need lots of drinks before that, but it was a once in a lifetime moment and it was an honour.
• Oprah - *WHAT* Haha ... well, so that I'm able to say these words. "So this is how Oprah feels." Through her shows, the most meaningful moment was when people were touched not by the material things but by gifts with thoughts and meaning. This is truly an A-HA moment for me.
  
• Unseen forces of life - For giving me the instinct and inspiration to something that is so meaningful. For bringing me to the people that can make all these happen.
• My readers - Thank you for still reading up to this point. :) Your silent attention has been one of the driving force for me to stay creative in all areas of my life.
  

I have learned through this experience that the true gift in life is not only the joy we see in the eyes of the recipients but also the fulfilling effect to the giver. Giving is the gift that gives to the givers. Hope you will be compelled to give in whatever ways you choose to.

If you would like to support Juliana Recovery Fund, you may do so with the widget at the end of this post. Thank you so much for your time and attention.