15 Years Ago, Today, What Do You Remember? I Remember ....

I didn't realize what the date is today until I saw whose birthday it is on Facebook, one dear hometown friend of mine. This date brings me back to 15 years ago and I choose to relive it once in a while as a great reminder because that one event has changed my life.

7 May 1998, it was a Thursday. I remember vividly sitting inside the classroom, trying to finish my final paper for the national exam - Chemistry, hate it with my entire life. Our exam was supposed to end at 9.30AM but at 9AM the principal of the school came into my class and asked us to finish our paper instantly. We had to leave the school compound asap.

It was the year of Asian Financial Crisis, however in Indonesia, a racial tension was also brewing. My principal told us that there was a bunch of rioters attacking the suburbs and the next destination would be to the houses on the main road. My house is on the main road.

We packed up. We called our school bus. I was home around 10AM. Then there was the calm before the storm. The road was pretty empty. Everybody seemed to be just ... waiting. Around 10.45AM, I started to hear noises from few houses down the road. Yeah, they arrived. Shouting in ecstasy. I couldn't figure out what they were saying. They seemed pretty happy. They had stones and kept throwing to the row of houses. Few minutes later, it was my house.

Windows were totally shattered. I was in deep fear. But what was worse than the fear itself, hatred was brewing steadily in me. The hatred lasted for more than 2 years. Frantically, I called my best friend and shouted all kind of vows of vengeance towards people who did this. My parents tried to calm me down successfully by giving me a pill. Even my dog, Kiky, was more daring than me. She kept barking her best to protect the house. I was just swearing in tears.

We slept in a windowless house for almost a week, covered only by pieces of plywood. I slept with a stick and a can of insecticide next to me. Because if I couldn''t fight them, I could spray something into their eyes and that, I thought, would be good enough (?). While waiting for my exam results and whether any universities in Singapore would accept me, I kept myself busy by watching lots of Hercules. I watched it 7x. It put me in a very happy place, for those short few moments. It is still my favourite movie of a lifetime!

Anyway, 15 years have passed. Wow. 15 years! Almost half of my life, just zoomed right through me. But that one single event has really changed me .... I often shared with people who would listen to me ... how I got past the hatred .... I asked myself one question (after reading many many many books after) - "If I were to be in their shoes, what would I do?" I imagined myself being not so well-off. I have many kids to feed and there is this opportunity to get paid and all I need to do is just to throw stones at the houses of Chinese people. I would have said yes too.

Then, I understood where they came from and my hatred towards them didn't mean anything anymore. I was set free there and then because I learned to see that there are always many sides of a story and depends on which side you are standing, you will see the story unfolds differently. I have since then consciously trying to understand as many sides as I can to any scenarios but of course, life is so expansive, at times I still don't see certain things differently, I am still making mistakes and apologizing and learning from it. But always, without regrets. That will be waste of life.

15 years ago, today, I thank you for letting me be part of you. I wouldn't have changed a single thing because you made me the imperfectly perfect me today. I also need to thank the subject I hate the most, Chemistry, without which I wouldn't have been accepted to the university. Everything happens for a reason and the reason, most of the time, only we eventually will understand.

My house is the one in the centre with my dad's beloved Vespa in front. Photo was taken the next day after the riot.

At My Best, I Chirp

I love birds.
I love looking at birds.
I especially love when they just fly and soar up to the sky.
Or, when they say "hello" by flying right in front of me and catch me by surprise.

The slight sight of them will light up my face.
The slight sound of them will make me join them into nature's acapella group (when I'm alone, of course).

Friends on my FB are pretty used to my love affairs with birds, especially the pigeons. Well, I only recognize pigeons or occasionally Oriole ... the rest, I don't know their names. They never asked me to call them, maybe.

Besides being called a bird face and I do have a bird brain that tends to forget many things, I realize, at my best, I am like a bird. I chirp, I fly around, I mingle and I really chirp non-stop. At my worst, I hide in my nest, refusing to fly anywhere and my chirp subsides.

No birds chirp at all times and no birds hide at all times too.
Guess, that's the lesson I'm learning that I, occasionally, need to rest my chirping.
Though it feels "off", but there's nothing wrong with it.

Like this bird that was spotted by someone who has keen eyes for details, right outside my window, I too, need to rest and be alone. Sometimes, for no logical reasons at all, and that's alright. Because birds do what birds do best. They will chirp again when they feel like it.

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
- Joseph Campbell

 

DD and the Dark Passenger

People thought I am a happy go lucky person who sees beauties and lessons in every single things - to the point of oblivious about reality. Nah ... I am not all that. There will be the rare occasion when my dark passenger will take the driver seat, just like the past few days, and things ain't looking rosy anymore. Unlike Dexter Morgan, my dark passenger doesn't harm people physically, but unfortunately, I may have caused unnecessary worries in my friends' psyche. That just ain't cool, DD.

I went berserk. Not without reason. But with reasons only a selected few will know as it's too ridiculous and utterly useless to be mentioned. I wouldn't even spend another breath sharing about it anymore as it was really redundant.

What I learned is that in this uncool, unglam, irritating and dark moment, there will be a few starry starry friends who shine so bright that the dark passenger has no choice but to give way. Some of them came from the most unexpected places. I thank you and so grateful for your presence and efforts. Then there was also one fat star who didn't just shine brightly but shined so close until I was blinded and instantly snapped out from my darkness.

To all my dearest friends who have been worrying, I sincerely apologize. Forgive me as I knew not what I did. I will know better. I have decided to kick my dark passenger away and come back from my unpleasant retreat. Thanks for the secret message by FB, group chat and SMS. Thanks again for the painting, the nicely setup studio photo of the monkey and most of all the intentions that matter. It works. You all cheered me up. :)

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes darkness to make one realizes how bright the stars around have always been. I hope I didn't take too long to realize that.

PS. It's been a while since I blogged under the label of "Dark Aura". I really hope this doesn't come too often. Once every 5 years, I don't mind. :p

The Manipulative Golden Goose and Its Price

Imagine.

You are a farmer. Goose farmer to be exact.
In total you have 25 geese. Some lay more eggs than the other.
Following the 80/20 Pareto principle, only the top 5 geese produce 80% of the eggs that in turn can buy you more stuff. Then, out of the top 5 geese, apply 80/20 rule again, you have 1 special goose. Her presence may make or break your farm to as much as 20-30% of your overall egg production. That's quite significant, isn't it?

Unfortunately, nothing is perfect. It comes with a price.

• The golden goose can't get along with other geese unless she gave birth to those geese. Which eventually they will also suffer in silence but enjoying the "perks" along the way till they can't stand it anymore.
  
• The golden goose will kill off any other geese that she deems incapable.
• The golden goose has a very sensitive nature that you have to watch out for your words as she may break down and cry and traumatize not only other geese, but you, the owner of the geese.
• The golden goose is power crazy and a control freak. When you don't give her enough attention, she will "HONK HONK HONK" and scare the shit out of you.
• The golden goose is manipulative to everyone. Everything is a war zone to her.
  
• The golden goose is a very insecure and paranoid being. She keeps thinking others geese may want to eat her up. (Though in actual fact, other geese are too busy with their own food)
• The golden goose will plot her way to get rid of any beings that come in between her and the farmers even though it's just a farm dog.
  

There you go. You have a pretty well to do farm. However, life is not always pleasant in there. Dealing with the maniac golden goose sometimes may take a toll on your brain cell. But life still needs to go on. In the world of the survival of the fittest, you do what it takes to make sure your eggs production will continue to grow. You know the battle is half won with your golden goose by your side.

However, one day, the golden goose felt tired from all the hallucinations that seemed real. She called it quit. You were horrified. You fed her 55% more and you even enthroned her as queen goose. She was happy. For a while. Until she realized her reign is limited. She wants more. She demands other geese to bow down to her. Call her queen everyday. Is she satisfied now? Nope. There's still the farm dog who has nothing to do with the eggs production but still the dog is closer to the farmers. The golden goose is plotting her way to get rid of the dog. That's her next goal in life.

You take a step back from your owner's hat and look at the whole situation. Do you really own the golden goose? Or she owns you?

If you are the farmer, what would you do? Will you cut the goose loose? If $ is your goal, this goose is a keeper. No matter how much unrest and turmoil it may cause towards other geese. You don't really care. In the end, the money in the pocket speaks louder than the tranquility of your farm.

In the end, it depends on yourself. If you are new to such farm, under such farmers, will you be playing the game or stand aside and slowly lose your presence? If you do play the game, will you fight back, stay away or wait till a better farm comes along and hop on. The choice is in your hand.

Life sometimes does throw you shit. (Pardon my "french", can't help it!) And it's up to you how to deal with it. In the end, your life, your moves. No matter how many advisors are there to back you up, the final call is on your hand. Life is magnanimous though, if you make the wrong move. The most, pick a new farm and farmer and play a different set of game. Who knows you learn so much that you are able to be the enlightened golden goose instead.

Image courtesy of http://forum.c-rpg.net/index.php?topic=33.0

Tired of Figuring Things Out

Are you one of those, like me, who have lots of plans and plots when it comes to life?

You create benchmarks and have your own yardsticks against people around you whom you think are successful. Then you are all depressed because you are no where like them. Then you try to figure out what can be done better? Why are not as good as them? Why this? Why that? Are you? I am.

Finally I am throwing the towel of figuring things out. No point.

When I want something, I will get it.

When I can't have it. Then it's not now. May be next time.

I am tired of figuring things out. I am tired of planning and plotting.

I am tired of thinking too much and not going anywhere.

I am not them. I am me.

I am going to start living lives as how it is at this moment.

If it throws me s***, I will take the s*** and move on.

If people disappoint me, which they do, without fail, I will accept it and move on.

I learn (and I better learn it well) that s*** will always happen but no matter what happens, if you don't move on, life will. If you are not at the same pace as life, then you will be left behind, that's the truth with life. Time doesn't wait. Life doesn't wait. Then why are you sitting at the sideline watching all goes by? If you are not in the life that you want now, create it. If you think it's impossible, stop complaining then create one that is possible.

I am moving on may not be forward, it may be sideways but I am moving on, my way.

Uncovering what you really want to do is not about searching and figuring out what’s perfect. It’s about jumping in and seeing what the water is like. - Henri Junta, The Wake Up Cloud

Hello Blog

Geez. It's really been so long since I step into this blogosphere. Almost half a year. Even a baby is in the process of coming out by now. Lots have been happening in my life for sure. Good and bad. And still, I am not anywhere clear about my life. Guess that's just part of life. Am I sounding depressive now? May be it's the weather It's dull and dark. Or may be I'm just sleepy. ZzZzZzZz.

I'm just dropping in to say hello, and to say thank you for those who are still reading my blog. Really, I appreciate your attention. I really hope I will write more but my laziness has beaten me in that area. But definitely I will pop by once in a while.

In Oprah magazine, she has this section called "What I Know for Sure" and to make this post short and sweet, what I know for sure this time, is that nothing is certain and that one must be prepared for life from every angle and enjoy the most of it while the good still lasts. When the bad comes, you can look back to life and said "Hey, that was good. Time for more new good things before the bad wave is catching up!"

The Heart of Life

As I'm still scratching my head to write something that's more substantial while being accompanied by John Mayer's The Heart of Life, I thought to myself, why don't I share this song to my readers.

Well, let me first share with you the full lyrics of the song:

THE HEART OF LIFE
BY JOHN MAYER

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

There are 2 lines that hit me:
1. You know it's nothing new, bad news never had good timing
2. Fear is a friend who's misunderstood, but I know the heart of life is good

The year 2009, has been an awful year so far. Seriously, awful. I'm quite tired of being an energizer bunny whom people think my life has been pretty smooth sailing and I'm able to spread joy and motivate people but seriously, this is life, get real and it's been terrible recently.

And yes, like John Mayer said,"...it's nothing new, bad news never had good timing." I've seen it happened to so many souls this year and yours truly included. It's tough. And the road ahead, is super murky. I can't see a thing. It's that bad.

When you are so low, sometimes you really forget that your head can be used to look up too. Yes, it's seriously hard to look up at time like this. Seriously. When I try to look up, the voices push me down further to the pit of "worse-than-ever". How can one survive in sucha state of mind?

I don't know ...

But, I guess the song is a great reminder for me and for those who are in the down-low that, don't you forget .... "The heart of life is good."

Eventually, this too shall pass ... and life will be good again. Everything has its cycle and it happened to be a very turbulent time, this year. It will crawl back up, eventually. And meanwhile, I'll immerse myself in John Mayer's voice .... enjoy the video through this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS8NvoMudy8 or from the embedded video below. :)

What Good is A Religion?

What good is a religion?
If it doesn't stop one to lie
What good is a religion?
If it doesn't stop one to disrespect

He can go to church every week
And be the nicest men there
When he's back home
He's worse than an atheist

What good is a religion?
If he has no courage to speak the truth
What good is a religion?
If he shows hatred when pride is hurt

What a shame
Such man exists in close proximity
I don't blame the religion
But the man that he turns out to be

What Not to Say in the Airport

Thanks to Panci, I received this forwarded email. I didn't know in Singapore such thing happens. Well, not sure how true it is but there's no harm to be aware of what's happening. Please beware that the following letter is quite long. Read if you have the patience.

SHOCKING EYE-OPENER!!

IS THIS CALLED WORLD-CLASS SERVICE ???

**********************************************************************************************

Dear everyone

Thank you so much for your concern for asking why I did not make it for my trip to Australia . I have told some of you, and not had the chance to explain to all of you. In short, something completely out of my imagination happened and I could not board my flight.

Following is an email complaint that I have filed with CAAS, cced to whoever that is important.

It's 4 pages long – for your leisure reading and entertainment.

=) Sandra

**************************************************************************************************************************

Subject: A FAMILY HOLIDAY RUINED BY ILLOGICAL SECURITY OFFICERS

Dear Mr. Foo,

My name is Sandra Tan (I/C number 7328669G). It is with great disappointment and distress that I am filing a complaint to you with regards to my situation.

My family (including myself, my husband, my daughter, and my son) planned a Darwin holiday for the March school vacation period and was supposed to depart on 09 March. Unfortunately, we were put in a situation by the security officers at the departure terminal, that was way beyond our control and we were not able to make our trip. The following is an account of what had happened : -

I entered the Immigration gantry at about 7.15pm with my daughter (Belle Lee, 13 yrs old) to have our passport scanned and our hand carry luggage checked whilst my husband (Lee Ming Chong) stayed behind with my son (Caius Lee, 8 yrs old) at the ticketing counter to sort out my son's visa. After having mine and my Belle's passport scanned, we proceed to the security gantry to have our hand luggage and our bodies scanned. Belle passed the security gantry first, whilst I followed right behind her. A lady officer asked me to remove my boots for scanning, and I did as told immediately and put my boots inside the basket provided, for it to be scanned together with my hand luggage. I then proceed to the metal detector of which I cleared without the gantry beeping or detecting any metal objects. I was then asked to collect my luggage and my boots. In the mean time, Belle was throwing away a sweet wrapper and retuning to me and saw me putting on my boots.

Belle then asked casually "Mummy, why do you have to remove your shoes?"

Whilst putting on my boots, I replied her and said that "they (the security officers) are afraid that we might keep bombs in our shoes (which is why I need to take it off to have it scanned)"

Immediately, a security officer standing at the conveyor belt (Stephen S Naidira) who was standing in front of me said with a very rude tone "repeat what you just said". I clarified with him what he meant - is it for me to repeat what I had told my daughter? He said loudly again, to repeat what I had just said. So I did exactly what he told me. I said to him that "my daughter asked me why I need to take off my shoes, and I told her that you guys (the security officers) are afraid that we will keep bombs in our shoes." He immediately asked me to stand aside and said that he had to report it to his superior that I said the word "bomb" twice.

Then an Indian lady (Sivamalar) at the customs started hurling at me and my daughter and said that I said the word "bomb" twice and it is against the law and I can be sent to jail and they are calling the police. She (Sivamalar) was so loud and rude and she shoved us to the side, and refused to listen to my explanation. In fact, she got so aggressive that another officer Ricky Lim (I guess it's her supervisor) had to come forward to stop her from further attacking me and my daughter verbally, and specifically asked Sivamalar to "shut up". I told Ricky Lim that I would like to know the names of his staff because their attitude and rudeness were simply beyond any acceptable level.

Immediately Sivamalar got so angry and aggressive that she started charging at Ricky Lim and hurled "What?! What?! What?! She (she meant me) said the word "Bomb" twice, so what is wrong with arresting her (which is me) and we were told that if we heard the word twice, we will arrest!!" At that time, Stephen S Naidira came to me again to intimidate me further by asking me to repeat what I said earlier to my daughter again. I refused to repeat again then because I believe he was deliberately asking me to repeat so that he can count the number of times that I mentioned the word "bomb". I also believe that that the officers were deliberately provoking me by being rude and intimidating, in the hope that I will retaliate in kind, thereby making their unreasonable actions justifiable.

Despite my anger and the fact that my daughter was scared to tears by the situation, I knew I had to keep my cool. I sat aside with my daughter taking down names of the personnel involved on my mobile phone. I was told to wait for another officer of a higher rank to decide on the matter, and I was still hoping whoever the higher ranked officer that was coming will have the logical thinking to acknowledge that what I had said to my daughter was a simple, harmless private conversation taken completely out-of-context.

At about 7.30pm , the Sergeant-in-charge, Amran Buang came. After I explained the full context of the incident to him, he refused to make a decision and decided to escalate it further to the Auxilary Police and State Police. He said that the word "bomb" is very sensitive and I should not have mentioned it twice. I explained to him that I did not know saying the word "bomb" is against the law, and I further explained that I did not say the word "bomb" in a threatening context to the officer, the word "bomb" was taken completely out of context as part of an answer to my daughter's question. Despite my explanation, he said he cannot make the decision and my case has to be escalated to higher authorities.

Meanwhile, at about 7.40pm, my son's visa cleared and my husband and my son came in through the customs. After knowing what had happened, my husband tried to talk to Sergeant Amran Buang, further explaining to him that we are just a family going on holiday and what I have said to my daughter had been taken out of context. Again, no one was bothered to listen.

And again, we were told to wait for another officer with an even higher ranking. With time ticking away and at 7.55pm with no sign of the higher authorities appearing, we knew then our hope of boarding our flight had diminished.

Whilst waiting, Stephen S Naidira (the security officer) gathered with a few security officers at the side, including Sivamalar to discuss how they should present their statement to the police when they arrive later to make sure that they are adequately covered, and that they are just following the rule and doing what they were told to do. They said by insisting that they are taking actions "by-the-book", they would be ok.

I hope by now you have a clear picture of the situation. My kids were both crying then, with more and more policemen arriving which scared the living daylights of them, and with no hope to continue our holiday plans. I believe every action inside the terminal is recorded and I would insist that your review the CCTV recordings on that night to know that I am only stating the truth without exaggeration. You can also see that during the entire episode, I was not at any point defiant or rude or refused any further check by the officers, despite the infuriating situation that me and my family were put through.

I know it is important to stay vigilant to protect Singapore . I have young children, I know how important it is, which is why I complied without complaining when I had to remove my boots for scanning. However, here is an obvious case of the security officers trying to get away with their rudeness and aggressiveness by taking things way beyond what was necessary, in the name of following the security protocol. They were really angry when I asked for their names from Mr. Ricky Lim, and they knew very well then that they can abuse their power to make things very difficult for me and my family.

At around 8.05pm, we were informed by the Tiger Airways personnel that the plane will have to depart and they will off-load our luggage from the plane. At around 8.10 p.m., the State Police and other policemen arrived to take our statement.

In the entire episode, the State Police and the SWISS PORT personnel were the only ones who conducted themselves professionally and offered us consolation and meaningful advice. They have also at some stages expressed their personal views that they acknowledged this incident was gravely mis-handled on the part of the security officers. The State Police further confirmed that there is no case against us, and they would just need to complete the paperwork.

The Budget Terminal manager came to meet me and said that whilst he empathized with our situation, it is an airport security protocol and frankly, it's "just too bad" that this happened to us.

My statement and my daughter's statement only completed at about 10.45p.m. The counter service staff, Ms Nur Aisah Bte Ali Hassan was very helpful and advised us on our next steps. She was kind enough to ask us to return the next day to change the traveling dates and advised the additional charges involved.

I am not given a report for this case, but my case number with the State Police is P/20070309/0015. I was already told by the State Police that the case is closed without further action.

For the ordeal that my family had been put through, I would want an official reply from CAAS and all relevant authorities addressing the following : -

Whether the security officers were trained to handle passengers with such bad attitude and rudeness and if such actions by them are condoned by authorities. I would insist you to refer to the CCTV recordings during the period of the incident.

What actions would be taken by CAAS and all relevant authorities with reference to both the security officers, Mr. Stephen S Naidira and Ms. Sivamalar, for their unruly behavior and attitude? Surely, characters as such do not belong to a national airport that aspired to be a world class traveling hub.

What actions would be taken by CAAS and all relevant authorities with reference to Sergeant Amran Buang, who had the authority to end this episode promptly, but instead decided to prolong our ordeal for no justifiable cause? Is it a protocol that even after establishing the facts that we, as a family poses no security threat, there is still a need to escalate the matter to the authority and have the State Police and other policemen carry out a full investigations only to end up in vain?

Why is it that even at level of Sergeant, whom I reckon is better educated, experienced, and able to make logical sense of the whole situation, refuse to make a simple decision and end our ordeal quickly? Is this a Singapore civil service practice where decision making is pushed and shoved from one level to another no matter how obvious what the final decision should be from the very beginning?

Whether all the officers concern are properly trained and competent to handle such situation. Besides hardware ( i.e. the protocol book), are they taught to apply the software ( i.e. common senses)? Is it really a protocol that as long as the word "bomb" is mentioned twice by a person (once being asked to repeat by the officer) – then no matter what context, tone, situation and profile of the person who said it, it would not be taken into consideration? What if my daughter instead of asking me a simple question about my shoes, decided to say: "mummy, according to news report, there are speculations that the recent Indonesian air crash may be attributed to a bomb inside the plane." Would your security officer would come up to her and ask her to repeat one more time, and she would be put under arrest? Your staff kept telling me that saying the word "bomb" in the airport is illegal and I can go to jail. They quoted newspaper examples of how people have gone to jail because of that. I think your staffs need to be trained to understand and differentiate situations and circumstances.

As far as I knew, the people that went to jail had VERBALLY THREATENED staff members in the aviation service or had DELIBERATELY caused public alarm using sensitive words. My case was clearly none of the above. Even if, I am saying if, indeed its illegal to mention the word "bomb" in the airport no matter what context, the person involved need to be warned ahead of time. You cannot arrest a person for committing something illegal when the person has no idea that the word is illegal in the first place. Your staff could have given me a verbal warning to say that such sensitive words should be refrained in the airport and I would have walk away remembering the warning. But instead, they decide to let the matter escalate further.

Who is to compensate for the expenses that are already incurred and forfeited for this trip, and our emotional stress and duress during the entire episode? The total cost incurred, including air tickets, accommodation, and land tours amount to about $4,200. We had to put up with hours of humiliation with more than twenty policemen and officials surrounding us, questioning us, checking our luggage through and through. We had put up with never-ending questioning from different departments, and best of all, repeated checks on my same pair of boots. My kids were terrified, puzzled, disappointed and exhausted from this entire ordeal. My husband and I are left with one week of applied leave and no vacation and holiday to look forward to.

I would like to state that not everyone that we came across in this episode had been unpleasant. I wish to take this opportunity to express my gratitude for the empathy shown by the State Police and the SWISS PORT personnel.

I will be waiting for your reply. Please let me know when to expect it in email. In the mean time, I may seek legal advice for my rights and entitlement in this incident.

Yours sincerely

Sandra Tan Hong Lian

Losing Steam?

I was losing my steam ... and I am still a little bit. When I told my friend, the cooking pot, about it, she's so inspired to draw me this piece of art.

So, you see the train ... yes, that's me, with the open-book hairstyle. I have 3 of my great friends behind me .. the queen, the cooking pot and the pig. As I lost my steam and the train can't move anymore, the queen and pig tried hard to push and motivate me ... and I was still struggling. So, in the end, according to the artist, the smart the cooking pot managed to save the day by getting me the Energizer bunny batteries. Ah ... she saved the day :p ...

If only life can be energized by batteries hmm ... may be it can? Hmm .... It makes me wonder :-)

Thank you, cooking pot for the great effort and artwork. I hope one day it'll make you lots of lots of money through auction. :p

"I Quit"

Not me ... don't worry. But for my regular readers, please don't expect something happy and chirpy out of this post. Cause I'm again in my dark aura realm. Beware!

So many of you know I'm the type who'll try to see the positive out of anything but this time I can't help it. I've to do what most Singaporeans love to do. COMPLAIN!!!! And I'm going to discriminate a little ... though I hate it but heck ... I ain't give a damn this time.

First of all, I'm in the property business ... to look for a local (Singaporean) cleaner to work for is very tough ... unless you outsource it to 3rd party company, but that'll be really costly. For the business like mine, it'll be advisable to have an in-house helper. And boy, I can't be more than grateful enough to have my assistant, my trusted cleaner until today. Why? Because she said "If you want me to do that, I'll quit". I was like WAT????

The job is ain't easy but it ain't difficult too. Not all units need cleaning here. Not everyday either. So you may find my cleaner shaking legs for 3 days in a week .... I'm fine with it. Why? cause most of the objectives are met. It's not about how many times you spend in a job, but whether you deliver the results. To me, I hold dearly to the concept as that's been passed down from my boss too.

But today, my cleaner threw tantrum ... why? Because I wanted her to iron all the bedsheets WHEN SHE HAS THE TIME. OWN TIMING. Because one of the customer complained and she said if you want me to do that, I'll resign, with her soprano voice that even creatures in Pluto may hear.

So, there was a pretty ugly fight between her and me which was all resolved just by not asking her to do any ironing of the bedsheets at all and I throw $200 for her to buy as many bedsheets as she wants. Case closed there. And she's quiet.

What I'm not happy about is how people can make small stuff become big stuff ... and talk it so not diplomatically .. and i seriously wanted to use the term "low life animal" ... I'm that angry. I'm angry because out there people are complaining money is so difficult to earn, but when money is given to their face, they are spoilt and want to work less for more. That's fish! Then the constant complaining how others are bad bad bad bad ... OMG for goodness sake ... if your job I offered to any of my countrymen, not only I'll get cheaper rate and may be better job and less complaining. Why??? Because those people have harder life and jobs are harder to come by too. But heck ... I'm not in my own land ... and it's not that my own land is that fantastic too -.-

So ... after so much of rambling and ranting ... I realize ... I really want to discriminate women for being so emotional and petty at times ... it's definitely true that working with men is much better than women (in my own experience) ... but of course there are great women out there ... but generally, men work better when they are not as emotional and see things as they are. Which mean this statement is for myself, I wonder how many times have I been in the emotional roller coaster which may have caused distress to others without me realizing. Boy, that's really tough to put up with.

I'm angry how people easily use the word quit without using brain ... but I wonder which one is better .. not quitting and keep biting your own tongue or just slam it down ... hmmm I'm in dilemma here ... but seriously if I'm able to find replacement fast, I would have sacked her on the spot. Unfortunately, in Singapore, it's very difficult to find people to be full time cleaner (you can ask other cleaning companies on this too). I've interviewed dozens of them ... they are so picky ... I TELL YOU!! .... How? Well, they'll say ... too far from home, no food centre nearby, pay too low, job too hard, transport too inconvenience, work too long hour, etc .... OMG WAKE UP!

With this kinda mentality, I seriously wonder where this country will go next ... I know there are great people and stuff .... but people mostly want only the good and don't want to go through hardship (and I may be the one in this ship too) ... and they expect prosperity to fall down their head? Wait long long.

Anger

WARNING!
This is not the normal happy happy post ... As the title has suggested. It's filled with dark aura. You may discontinue reading it if you think it'll just pollute your state.

Just yesterday I was being asked about my MSN nick ... what does it mean:
"People who anger you, control you."
and I explained that the more you are ranting about someone, without you knowing, what you thought about is that someone ... and in that way, the person you are angry with ... controls your mind, soul and spirit if you are not letting it go.

And guess what....I was that person who's being controlled. How amazing can that be?
Here I am sharing a great quote about anger and here I am being consumed by it and be its victim.

What makes me angry? It doesn't matter. Because the bottom line is, I'm the only person responsible for my own feeling. I'm in control of my own thoughts and I only have myself to be blamed. I just hope others too will be responsible for their own feeling before pointing fingers to things and people outside them.