Who Do You Choose to Have in Your Garden of Life?

Besides his full time occupation of being a doctor, in his heart, my dad is a loving farmer. With the limited space we have on top of our shop house, he has managed to plant more than 23 varieties of vegetables or fruits 2 years ago (the number should be increasing by now? I'm not sure). Plants that eventually will feed our family, relatives, neighbours and friends. He's super happy when people get to taste the fruits of his labour. The feedback he receives will fuel him to do better, try new things and share more.

Due to the very limited space that we have, he is very careful of what he grows. I remember when he had to get rid of plants that didn't give positive feedback. No fruits, no flowers ... nothing. After waiting for few months, he will then decide to get rid of them and let the space be flourished with new seeds.

Through that observation, I've learned a very important metaphor to life. We too are the gardeners of our lives. The relationships we have with others are like the diversity of plants we have cultivated along the way. We planted the seeds just like how we sealed our friendships through the initial handshakes. We watered and tended to the plants on regular basis, just like how we consciously ensure we don't lose touch. Some need more time, some need more attention, some need more activities together, different strokes for different folks. Based on the feedback we receive, whether the relationships bear fruits or not, we then decide whether the limited space of our garden is being invested wisely.

Sometimes, despite the perceived giving on our end, we may not receive any types of positive affirmations from the relationship. Just like the plants which are not dying but they are also not going anywhere. Maybe they need more time. Maybe they just grow better with different soils and farmers. Sometimes, we will never know. But what we know, as the farmers of our own garden, being given the same amount of time by The Universe, we must do our best to ensure our gardens don't go to waste. When our best is still not enough, then it's time to let the plant go. Eventually, each plant will find a place where it really belongs. All is well.
 

Your energy will only rise in direct relationship to the number of things you are able to get rid of - not to the things you acquire. By getting rid of things, attitudes, encumbrances, and blocks of one kind or another, things fly.
- Stuart Wilde

Fortunately, this money plant has been with me since 2007.
We are still meant for each other and it gave me positive feedback. Huat ah!

PS. Happy spring cleaning too, Everyone!

A Thank You Note to My Papi

One of my greatest influence in my life without me knowing, is my dad. I am dedicating this post to my Papi (Yesh, that's how I call him since I was a little girl, I don't really know why though).

My dad is an awesome guy. (Mom, do you know how lucky you are?) I look up to him especially when I was very young. I wanted just to be like him. I wanted to whistle like him, even though I couldn't, I then pretended to whistle and the sound was coming from my throat instead of the smooth whistling manner. (Couldn't believe the school actually asked me to perform the fake whistle in front the entire school!!!). I wanted to look like him, so I stole his hair gel and combed my hair exactly like him. I admired him to the bits and I couldn't understand why then. I think I know now.

He is a very lovable creature, my dad. An enlightened soul who is like a beacon of light wherever he goes. He talks to anybody, from all walks of life - a trait that I'm glad to inherit into my DNA even until now. He always shows kindness and compassion towards everyone. When he can help, he will do his best. He's also very playful and never stops seeing the lighter side of things. My close friends who have met him, love him too even though he can't stop making fun of them somehow, they let him because they too feel safe to make fun of him. None of my friends that I know up to this day would leave his presence without a laughter or simply a smile. That's how he left a footprint in people's heart. Aren't I lucky to have a dad like him?

However, when discipline was needed, I was not spared. The rattan was my very best friend when I grew up. I was never spoiled. Jokes and playfulness aside, he managed to instill a sense of authority towards me which I learned to appreciate as I grew up. Because, without those loving "smacks", I couldn't imagine what kind of being I would be.

The biggest living inheritance I have ever received from my dad was definitely the art of being loving and the habit of acknowledging every living beings. Riding on the Vespa with him all around our small little town, we always acknowledged people we knew as long as we saw them. That's why when my parents were away and I was on my friend's motorcycle, the next day I was scolded by my parents because the news traveled so fast and thanks to the uncountable journeys on the dark blue Vespa, my face was pretty recognizable by then! -_-" And I had disobeyed the rule to not be on anybody's motorcycle EVER! (I think this rule still applies even until now.)

My Papi has been the beacon of love and I really couldn't ask for a better father figure to make me who I am today. Papi, I know you will be reading this because you seem to be pretty active on Google Plus through your "much-cooler-than-mine" iPad 2. I would like you to know that I love you very much and I can't be more thankful enough for your presence all these while and most importantly, by simply being who you are, you have taught me how to love life and everything/everyone in it.

"Love is a matter of inner nature, not of relationship. Love has nothing to do with relationship, love is a state of being. It is an inner component of one's individuality." - Osho

My kinda Man with my beloved Sister, Kiky who was super overweight thanks to 
the generosity of my Dad! Yes, that's not a piglet. It's a miniature pinscher.

The Happiness Journey by Ajahn Brahm

I attended a free talk by Ajahn Brahm, a Buddhist monk from London but who's now based in Australia. He has 3 free talks as organized by Buddhist Fellowship Centre. The Happiness Journey was the first one, which I didn't intend to go because I thought I am a pretty happy person. But things changed, just one night before the talk, I took a look at the date and exclaimed,"Hey, I can make it!". So, I went. At the very last minute, my Personal Trainer who is a very open minded Christian, told me that he too would like to come. I welcome him of course. He enjoyed it and even donated to the temple. I was shocked.

If I forget everything about the almost 2-hour talk, I will not forget the story Ajahn Brahm shared in the very beginning. He said he has shared this numerous time and will not stop doing it (because the same people keep coming to the talk ... haha, he has great sense of humour). After he told the story, I totally agree. One of the simplest and yet most profound metaphor that I really hope everyone can benefit from it.

The Chicken Farmers
There are 2 chicken farmers. One is dumb. One is smart. Every night the chickens have the same rituals, they lay eggs and poop in the chicken shed.The next morning, the farmers will also have the same routines, they will wake up and go to the shed. However, what they collect are totally different and that sets them apart.

The dumb farmer will collect the poop and leave the eggs in the shed. He then brings the poop into his home to his family. Not only it stinks up the entire house, it makes the family very uncomfortable.

The smart farmer will collect only the eggs and leave the poop behind in the shed. He will use the poop as fertilizer much later. He then brings the eggs to his family and some to the market to sell. The family is well fed and he earns some money from the sales. 

The metaphor was shared when the interviewer asked how can one be happy. Here are the explanations to the story:
The dumb farmer represents people who are not happy.
The smart farmer represents people who are happy.
The poop represents unhappy thoughts, unpleasant moments of the past.
The egg represents happy thoughts, the pleasant moments of the past.
The home and the family represents your own mind, your home, your family, your friends, people whom you share your stories with.

The reason why people are unhappy, is because, even after the unhappy events have passed, they still carry them in their mind. They then share the stories to their friends/family and "stink up" the entire ambience.They pollute their own mood and those around them.

The reason why people are happy, is because, they only remember and share the happy moments. This doesn't mean they forget the bad, they use those bad moments as "fertilizers". They learn from it and grow from it but they choose not to bring it to their minds or to impose those to their home, family, friends, etc.

This powerful metaphor, if applied in real life, you will be a much happier person. How do I know it? I have walked the path without me realizing. I am a happier person in 2012 than in 2011, I realize it's all because I have been collecting "eggs" and not "poop. If you are familiar with my "nonsense" on Facebook, I have been collecting my eggs in the form of:

• Moment of the Day (MOTD)
• Awesomeness of the Day (AOTD)

No matter how ridiculous it can be for others, those moments and awesomeness make me extremely happy. As I tend to have a memory of a bird, I write and share it through Facebook. For more personal moments, I wrote them in my journal which I then able to write them out in a letter and the moments I collected for 4 months, were worth 10 pages in point forms. I surprised myself.

It is not difficult to be happy, if happiness is really what you are looking for, if not, don't bother. The key is really to be so aware and mindful of your own mind. Once you are aware and mindful, the next step is be very deliberate on the thoughts you allow to park themselves there.

So, what are you collecting now? Poop or eggs? I know for sure what I want and no turning back.

If you are interested in the 2 other talks by him, the information is below. All is welcome. Literally, all.
No registration needed. 

"Never allow anyone to control your happiness." - Ajahn Brahm

Lesson from 2012 - #1 - Do Not Believe in the "He Says", "She Says", "They Say"

So, I have promised that I will share 3 most important lessons I have learned in 2012. Here is my very first one:

"Just because someone says the words, doesn't mean it is the truth. 

If you believe in it, please take full responsibility. 

It was your choice to begin with in trusting their words."

Can you believe I have heard about this lesson since 2002 and then in 2005 but I only understood it in 2012?

In 2002, my ex-boss and I were walking back to the office. I remember this scene so vividly and now I understand why. There is a lesson hidden in those few minutes of walk. We were talking about projects on hand and also about some of our customers. I then made a remark,"Words are cheap." He quickly said,"No, Donna. Words are free." His words never left my brain since then.

In 2005, again my new boss then shared with me to never ever believe in "he says", "she says". If you would like to know something you have to:

• Get the facts directly. See the figures. See the things for yourself.
• Talk to the person who is directly involved in the matter.
• 3rd party account doesn't represent the truth.

Finally in 2012, I understood and internalized this lesson. I can say the last half of 2012, I have lived my life so effortlessly in this area. I may have slip-ups but most of the time ...

• I speak without fear and only the truth to anyone who bothers to listen.
• I am responsible of what I say but I am not responsible of how others will interpret and use/abuse my message. When a message is passed down to a 3rd party, he/she may have her own perspective and distort my message. They are free to do so.
• If there is something I really need to know, I will seek it directly from the relevant parties. 
• Words are free and they have their own power. Whatever come out from my mouth, they will spread their wings and fly. Make sure they are worthy of those flights. 
• I may seek advice from people but in the end the choice is mine. If I listen to them and take action accordingly, I am responsible completely for the decision made.

Taking full responsibility of what comes out of my own mouth has been a liberating practice. I know my truth. I stand by it and have no fear when others have problems with it because they see what they want to see. You can't control that.

Taking full responsibility of what I deem to be the truth based on the information I get from others, has taught me to discern better. I can see clearer now when some of the advice given to me was "biased" and based on that person's personal experience. In the end, I am the master of my destiny and the choice I make is my own responsibility. It's my life, who else can be the best person to decide for it? Moi, of course.

When you remove the habit of saying and believing in "he says", "she says", "they say", etc you will realize most of the things they really say, don't matter much. If it does bother you, then go and talk to him/her/them directly. Have some "balls" and face the person yourself. Cut off the intermediaries or just take those as stories to the ears (some can be really quite epic - can be used as inspiration for next fiction story). No point getting too personal about it.

Again, life is too uncertain. Make sure you fill it with something that's worthy. And speculating or getting affected by what people say, is definitely not worthy of your breath.