The Autumn Leaves in Singapore

6.30PM on a bus, joining others who can't wait to be where they are destined to be. Most look really tired. Some are playing with their "smart" gadgets, like moi. Some are staring blankly through the windows.

2 French ladies board the bus and my ears seem to have an auditory orgasm. With my limited vocabularies, I try to pick up as many words they utter. It is not easy.

Then, the bus stops in front of the traffic light. You may have heard the saying - stop and smell the flowers, but how can one do that on the bus. One of the French lady "sort-of" does that.

"Oh, what beautiful autumn leaves."

Autumn leaves? Singapore? I think I need to go back to my French school or I need to clean my ears.

"They remind me of the chilly weather that I love."

Seriously? Is she high? I wanna know what she's drinking. French autumn wine? I was still looking up and down for the autumn leaves she was referring to.

"When the leaves change their colours and they fall onto the ground. J'adore ca."

I see only green bushes. Lady, where is it?

The friend did mumble something, I couldn't really hear. The lady continues ...

"Having such painting at home. Oh, ça c'est la classe."

Aaaaaahhhh!!! Painting!!!!!!
She is admiring this huge painting in one of the art gallery while the bus stops. I didn't even notice it though I have been passing it a few times.

Her keen observation and verbalization of the entire experience have also transported me to this autumn-ish place. I felt the chill. I felt the breeze and I even felt the "classiness" if you hang this huge painting in your bare living room. That's how powerful our mind is. What you choose to observe and pay attention to will determine your experience and imagination.

It is indeed an ordinary day with paths and routines that you experience on regular basis. But if you are able to spot just one new thing during that journey, you will see life with a totally new perspective.

Do just that! Try it! If you don't feel a tingle in your soul, you haven't paid enough attention to life. Maybe you too need to stop and stare at something. I did and I went back to Paris. :)

What Do You Need to Make You Complete?

With a really heavy heart, I am saying farewell to one of my favourite TV show that I used to "mock" when my friend introduced it to me - Desperate Housewives. I am glad I didn't dismiss it just because of my ignorance. Surprisingly, this show has supplied me with tons of quotes and wisdom. I love the prologue and epilogue by Mary Alice - always, always, my favourite parts of the show. But like all good things, like most things, they all come to an end. I have to accept it.

The last episodes seem to be pretty rushed and forced at times, but what I enjoy the most are always the lessons they are trying to impart. One of the theme they brought up was Lynette's constant search of happiness and fulfillment. Being a strong woman who knows she is more than just a stay at home mom, she's a capable career woman who sacrificed for her family. She carried this discontent in her through her controlling nature. Even with a husband who truly loves her, and whom she loves too, she just never feels contented.

As usual, when the storms finally subside, when her love life and family are settled, drama has to spring out somewhere. She has a job offer which requires her to move away from the lane. As she is contemplating and justifying her decisions to Tom (her husband), he said the following:

"Lynette, I would do anything. I would go anywhere in the world if I believe it would finally make you happy. But as long as I've known you, you've always thought you needed something else to make you complete. And I'm starting to realize, nothing ever will." - Tom Scavo (Desperate Housewives - S08E23)

How many of you can relate with those phrases? I believe many of us do. Because, the number of people who think they are/have enough around us, I believe they belong to the minority. We are always seeking. We are always looking for the next thing to fill the gap. When our job is fine, we think we can improve in the relationship department. Then when we have that perfect relationship, we think we can do better financially. Then we have career, finance and relationship covered, we think we can do better spiritually. We always discover more and more holes to be filled. Will it ever stop? When will it be enough?

I was one of those people. When I was young, without realizing, I always thought I was not good enough. Then I grew up (not in height), I became more aware that I still think I am not good enough. Being in a very typical Chinese family doesn't help at times, because you were constantly being compared with others. When you were young and unsure about yourself, then others compared you, of course you will think,"Geez, they are better. I am not.".  Then the search for the next best thing continued. Never enough. I kept seeing flaws everywhere.

After remembering and finally living my mom's advice, I realized I am enough. Oh, kidding me. I'm not only enough. I am awesome, like all of you are too. I love myself. I love life and life simply loves me. With such realization, all those noises on insufficiencies stopped pretty instantaneously. We all were born unique and perfect despite whatever humanly flaws we think we have, we are simply perfect spiritual beings. We forgot about that by feeding ourselves with beliefs that were passed down by others. We forgot how complete we already are.

Then we thought of seeking completeness through others, through our partners, through our possessions ... but completion doesn't come from outside. It comes from the inside and it spreads out. Not the other way round.

"...it's the day you realized that I finally have the things I need to be happy, and then you forget. So, then what happens is, instead of waking up every morning and shouting - somebody loves me - you start looking around and thinking - what do I want now? what's the next thing I need to be happy? So, you look and you look and you keep thinking you found it but nothing works and the reason why nothing works is because that hole in your heart that you try to fill is already filled. You just forgot. 

Don't ever forget. Always remember how much you wanted to be loved and how much you are loved. And I think if you can do that, and it isn't easy, you will stop looking and realized you already are happy." - Lynette Scavo (Desperate Housewives - S08E23)

What a beautiful realization.An A-Ha moment that everybody should experience at least once (Once is enough to create a big impact in your life). If you think she can say that because in the fictitious land, Lynette has a husband who truly loves her. Then you are wrong, all along her husband has loved her but she forgot and couldn't see it. (And of course it's a TV shows that lasted for 8 years, they needed more dramas).

What if you don't have that special others like Tom Scavo, don't forget, you have yourself. Don't ever forget that you should love yourself first and that you should be the first and last person who loves YOU when no one else will. When you do that, completion will fall into place. Life will make sense. Relationships will flourish. The universe will love you more and bless you with more. How do I know? I am living and breathing it. I only really start loving myself completely for less than 2 months and already my life is unfolding in its magical and mystical way. (Before that I was having, as Facebook puts it as "it's complicated" kinda relationship with myself.)

To end the post, the conversation between Tom and Lynette from the last episode of Desperate Housewives summed it really well. I hope you get the message. I hope you see that what you really need to make you complete is simply to embrace the here and the now as they are. You are already complete.Nothing more. Nothing less.

Lynette: "I'm happy right here right now."

Tom: "I bet someone like that, could be happy anywhere."

Who Are You in Front of the Kids?

"The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from, more than what you tell them. They don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are."
- Jim Henson

In June 2012, will mark the 14th year that I have been living far away from my parents. I simply couldn't believe how time simply flies right through you without you noticing. It felt like not so long ago, my parents came with me to Singapore to make sure I was ready for the university. It was 14 years ago, my parents left me outside the lecture theaters area as I was too occupied and rushing to join back my orientation group. It was 14 years ago when my mom kept repeating actually one of the most important advice one can ever get in life and it really took me almost 14 years to finally understand and implement that simple two words' worth of advice. 

The quote above came to me just few minutes ago and I couldn't help but to reflect on what I have learned from my parents. It's so true. I could hardly remember the things they have told me though I know it's meant for my well-being. Imagine, it took me 14 years to realize how important the one and only thing my mom ever passed down to me knowing I will be away from them for long. I can't imagine how many important gems they have uttered and they simply went in from my right ear and went out through the left one. But I am always grateful for what/how my parents have always been in front of me, because that's where I learned the most.

My parents have been ...
Compassionate and Generous. I always see them helping those in needs. By frequenting their shops, by spreading the words to help their business, by asking them to keep the change, by donating some of the items knowing some family really can make good use of them.

Curious. They never stop learning. Their thirst for knowledge and making sure they are up-to-date amaze me even up until now. My mom reads anything that she can get hold on to. My dad manages to figure out how to use blackberry messenger, iPad, whatsapp, etc by humbly asking others to teach him (including the impatient me, sometimes).

Thoughtful and Prepared. Especially when we travel, whatever they bring will be like the most complete Swiss Knife of the travelers. They bring medicines just in case people fall sick in whatever way may be. They bring extra photocopies of important documents just in case the immigration may need one and we don't need to rush out to find photocopy machine. We never leave house without wet/dry tissues knowing they are not so readily available in my country, especially in the toilets.

Congruent and Consistent. This should be one of the most important essence I have drawn from them. What they say they mean. What they mean they do. This applies to both of them. When one thinks I need to be caned, the other one would really be congruently agreeing and my legs and ass would always be in trouble. *Ouch*

I agree fully with the quote above. We tend to learn by mimicking others. As our parents tend to be the very first people we encountered, we learn the most by mimicking them. I don't think I have graduated learning from them. Nobody will ever be. But I will be forever grateful for their existences in my life. 

This doesn't mean parents should stop telling their kids what to do. They will eventually listen. Like me, some may get the important message, 14 years later. My mom, like most Asian mothers, loves to nag. But the one and only time when she gave a very clear and concise advice was before I came to Singapore and she emphasized it many more times before she went back to Indonesia after I have considered "settled down" in the hostel. 

Her message was - 自愛 (Zì'ài). It means love yourself. 

Every time she said that I would say,"我知道了" (I already knew). Oh, how cocky I was. I didn't know anything at all. What I meant was, I understood the definition of those words but I don't know what they really meant at all. It took me 14 years to realize. 14 years to start practicing it consciously. 14 years to have my A-Ha moment over the very simplistic two-letter word. Mom, I got it now. I don't think I am too late, but I got it now. 

Sometimes, even when the master appears, the student listens, doesn't mean the student is ready. But when the student is ready consciously, his/her world expands to another realm. As adults, we really need to be more mindful and aware of who we are in front of the young ones. You really don't know what they will bring with them as they grow up.