Love Yourself First - Why Should You?

Try saying to yourself this statement - "I love myself and I put myself first." 
How does it make you feel?

More often than not, if you are not used to this concept, it will bring some shiver down your spine. You will not be at ease in saying that statement and it totally doesn't feel natural. Some people think by saying that, you are automatically a selfish and egoistic person. I used to think that way too but now, I beg to differ.

I really wonder how majority of us are being brought to believe that it is selfish to love ourselves. I wouldn't know many of your stories but I have my own life to look at.

In a traditional Chinese or I believe Asian family, we are so accustomed to put everyone first but ourselves. We have to put our elders first; these include our parents, our elder brothers/sisters, our grandparents, our aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, friends' parents, parent's friends, etc and the list goes on. As long as these people are in front of you, you are taking the second chair.

You have to show "respect" by making sure the people who are older than you are taken care of first. Hence, it's very common in the Asian family, the eldest in the family always take on the most responsibility, especially in the olden days and especially if you are a male. Many have sacrificed their own studies to go out and work early in their lives so that they are able to support their siblings. This trait is really admirable and pretty much rare to be seen in where I'm living now.

I too learned from my school and church that I have to serve. So, we serve for the sake of serving. I served for the sake of "this is how it is supposed to be". I served relentlessly on a weekly basis, if I could. But, there's this fake façade I found in people that at that point of time I couldn't pinpoint what it was. But it didn't feel "real". It felt like some people were there "serving" for a different purpose.

Don't get me wrong! I think ultimately, all our life purpose is not for ourselves, we have our own calling, believe it or not. You don't need to be Oprah or Jesus to have a calling. Your calling may just be for your family or friends and still that's a worthy calling. However, from my own personal experience, serving, giving and everything are so much more fulfilling when I have first to learn how to serve/give/love myself.

Loving yourself, is not a selfish act at all. It's actually the other way round.

Imagine if you are a car, your purpose is to be driven and to bring your passengers from point A to point B. Well, I don't drive well and I don't know the mechanics of a car but I do know one of the most important component without which you just can't go here go there is - you need the fuel.

To love yourself first, is like to put a full tank in your car to ensure your passengers have a good ride to their destination. To love yourself first, means to be the best that you can be so that you can give the best of yourself to others. How is that a selfish act? It is not only a win-win situation, because when your tank is full, you are happy. When you help others when you are happy, others are happy too.

I come a really long way in learning how to love myself. 14 years to be exact and I briefly mentioned how I came to realize that in previous post of mine where I talked about my parents. Since, I have been on both sides now (quoting Joni Mitchell's awesome song), I realize I am a better person after my tank is full. Not only I am happier, but others feel better when they are with me. How can they not be? My tank is full, I can bring them here and there to their destinations. Though sometimes my car will breakdown, but after putting myself at rest into a imaginary service center - as long as the fuel is intact, I'm good to go again.

Now, when I look back at all the values I have learned from being in a traditional Chinese family, being from school, from church I used to attend, I can now appreciate them even more. When I do give my respect to my elders, it comes from the utmost sincere place. I respect you because I want to and not because I need to and not because it's customary and tradition to do so. When I do good and serve others, it's not because I have to and not because I need to follow a certain doctrine to prove my worthiness, but because I love to and I genuinely will do it without anybody instructs me to do so.

Loving myself first, is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was a long and winding road but I have arrived, and here/now is better than there/then.

So, love yourself first, why should you?

Because before it's too late for you to realize, you are the only being who has accompanied you at your birth. You are the only person who has made all the choices in life that brought you where you are now. You are the only person who is still standing when others have left. You are the only person who cried yourself to sleep and still woke up the next morning and live your life as it is. You will be the one and only person who take that final breath as you part with this amazing journey called life. Why shouldn't you love yourself when ultimately, you are all that you really have?

The most meaningful lesson I learned from being at death’s door is that unless I love myself, nothing else in my life can function at its best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy I experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love I have for myself. The amount of love, kindness, patience I have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness I have for myself, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. - Anita Moorjani 

The Gift That Gives to the Givers

Two weeks ago, my friend whom I knew from one of the earlier French class I attended, invited a group of us for her 10th year anniversary. In my life, I have only heard of such event in movies but never really participated in any. I almost went to a panic mode when a dress code was announced, my wardrobe looks more suitable for going to the market than any of such big event. No wonder I never really like to go to wedding. The dress code scares me!

But she's a very special friend of mine. I call her "ma tante" (means my aunty in French). She doesn't look like any typical aunty though she may shop like one but she looks like a "hot" momma! In our group of 10 ladies who love French things (and some - like me - took it to the extreme by carrying piece of Eiffel everywhere), ma tante has always been the mother figure to everyone. She's selfless and being the Type A personality, always makes sure things are well thought and planned for.

So, when such monumental event was being announced, I seriously wonder deeply what gift would be appropriate? Clueless, really. Not to mention, she has warned a lot of times, not to give her anything as she doesn't need anything in life. Just be there and enjoy the moment. But how can that be possible!

I thought, what else could be better than to find a gift that gives more. So I asked her, will it be okay if I donate to a charity of her choice. She was very supportive to the idea and asked me to check out www.ForJuliana.org, the fiance of one of the most touching story on American Idol 2011 contestant, Chris Medina. If you haven't heard about him, please do. Check out the following videos:
- American Idol audition
- His single "What Are Words"

In short, Chris and Juliana were supposed to get married but a tragic car accident wrecked their dreams away just 2 months prior to the wedding. However, he chose to stay by her side and mentioned these few precious words that has become the inspiration of his single - “What kind of guy would I be if I walked out when she needed me the most.”

Once hearing my plan, the rest of Les Frenchies girls were on board with me and together we donated through Laurus Foundation and everyone was delighted. Secretly though, I was not that satisfied. Ma tante deserves more than this, I thought. So, I bombarded the email of the Executive Director of the Foundation, Chris Medina's FB and Chris Medina's official website. When you ask, you do receive.

The morning of the event, I received the most wonderful email from Juliana's mom - Janet, who told me that Chris thought it would be more personal to handwrite a letter to ma tante. Thanks to my friend's office printer too, we managed to pull things through and the result is as seen below.


As much as one may see it is a touching and thoughtful gift. But to me personally, the whole experience, has given me the most meaning. Sure, the destination was worth it :) but the journey to get there, the kind souls who have taken the extra miles in making sure ma tante was surprised = Priceless.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the following kind souls with the equal order of importance and significance:

• Jim Dolan, the Executive Director of Laurus Foundation - Thanks for passing the message to Chris. I hope your foundation will be able to reach the goal to help Juliana.
• Janet, Juliana's mom - Thanks for taking the time to write to me and making sure it pulls through not only in time but in such a beautiful manner. Wish Juliana a steady recovery. With so much love and prayers from all over the world, it is just about the timing, Juliana will be okay again :)
• Chris Medina - Thanks for taking the time to send us the handwritten letter. You are indeed a rare soul who chose to stand by your partner in times of need. Your story will be an inspiration to many people. Wish you all the best in your singing career.
• Ma tante - For being such a loving figure. Your selflessness is something that is so rare that not only your family is lucky to have you but we are so privileged to have known you.
  
• M.Y. - For taking the risk to go back to her office to get the letter printed.
  
• Les Frenchies - For supporting me in this idea and put Singapore on the map in supporting Juliana :) You girls are DIAMONDS! (They love their blings too much ...)
  
• The Emcee of the night - For the beautiful suggestion and convincing me to read it out to ma tante as if Chris was there reading it to her. Though I need lots of drinks before that, but it was a once in a lifetime moment and it was an honour.
• Oprah - *WHAT* Haha ... well, so that I'm able to say these words. "So this is how Oprah feels." Through her shows, the most meaningful moment was when people were touched not by the material things but by gifts with thoughts and meaning. This is truly an A-HA moment for me.
  
• Unseen forces of life - For giving me the instinct and inspiration to something that is so meaningful. For bringing me to the people that can make all these happen.
• My readers - Thank you for still reading up to this point. :) Your silent attention has been one of the driving force for me to stay creative in all areas of my life.
  

I have learned through this experience that the true gift in life is not only the joy we see in the eyes of the recipients but also the fulfilling effect to the giver. Giving is the gift that gives to the givers. Hope you will be compelled to give in whatever ways you choose to.

If you would like to support Juliana Recovery Fund, you may do so with the widget at the end of this post. Thank you so much for your time and attention.

You Still Can Give Even When You Have No Money

I stumbled upon this article who share 20 ways of giving even if you are broke. The title caught my attention and the ideas are just wonderful. Though some of them do depend on where you are but others are definitely do-able. For example, donate your old magazines, books, aluminum cans, etc. And the more interesting ones like donating your hair, bone marrow, even glasses.

No matter what, this list is definitely a start to kick-off more creative giving in us.

Check it out.

I am inspired!