What Do You Need to Make You Complete?

With a really heavy heart, I am saying farewell to one of my favourite TV show that I used to "mock" when my friend introduced it to me - Desperate Housewives. I am glad I didn't dismiss it just because of my ignorance. Surprisingly, this show has supplied me with tons of quotes and wisdom. I love the prologue and epilogue by Mary Alice - always, always, my favourite parts of the show. But like all good things, like most things, they all come to an end. I have to accept it.

The last episodes seem to be pretty rushed and forced at times, but what I enjoy the most are always the lessons they are trying to impart. One of the theme they brought up was Lynette's constant search of happiness and fulfillment. Being a strong woman who knows she is more than just a stay at home mom, she's a capable career woman who sacrificed for her family. She carried this discontent in her through her controlling nature. Even with a husband who truly loves her, and whom she loves too, she just never feels contented.

As usual, when the storms finally subside, when her love life and family are settled, drama has to spring out somewhere. She has a job offer which requires her to move away from the lane. As she is contemplating and justifying her decisions to Tom (her husband), he said the following:

"Lynette, I would do anything. I would go anywhere in the world if I believe it would finally make you happy. But as long as I've known you, you've always thought you needed something else to make you complete. And I'm starting to realize, nothing ever will." - Tom Scavo (Desperate Housewives - S08E23)

How many of you can relate with those phrases? I believe many of us do. Because, the number of people who think they are/have enough around us, I believe they belong to the minority. We are always seeking. We are always looking for the next thing to fill the gap. When our job is fine, we think we can improve in the relationship department. Then when we have that perfect relationship, we think we can do better financially. Then we have career, finance and relationship covered, we think we can do better spiritually. We always discover more and more holes to be filled. Will it ever stop? When will it be enough?

I was one of those people. When I was young, without realizing, I always thought I was not good enough. Then I grew up (not in height), I became more aware that I still think I am not good enough. Being in a very typical Chinese family doesn't help at times, because you were constantly being compared with others. When you were young and unsure about yourself, then others compared you, of course you will think,"Geez, they are better. I am not.".  Then the search for the next best thing continued. Never enough. I kept seeing flaws everywhere.

After remembering and finally living my mom's advice, I realized I am enough. Oh, kidding me. I'm not only enough. I am awesome, like all of you are too. I love myself. I love life and life simply loves me. With such realization, all those noises on insufficiencies stopped pretty instantaneously. We all were born unique and perfect despite whatever humanly flaws we think we have, we are simply perfect spiritual beings. We forgot about that by feeding ourselves with beliefs that were passed down by others. We forgot how complete we already are.

Then we thought of seeking completeness through others, through our partners, through our possessions ... but completion doesn't come from outside. It comes from the inside and it spreads out. Not the other way round.

"...it's the day you realized that I finally have the things I need to be happy, and then you forget. So, then what happens is, instead of waking up every morning and shouting - somebody loves me - you start looking around and thinking - what do I want now? what's the next thing I need to be happy? So, you look and you look and you keep thinking you found it but nothing works and the reason why nothing works is because that hole in your heart that you try to fill is already filled. You just forgot. 

Don't ever forget. Always remember how much you wanted to be loved and how much you are loved. And I think if you can do that, and it isn't easy, you will stop looking and realized you already are happy." - Lynette Scavo (Desperate Housewives - S08E23)

What a beautiful realization.An A-Ha moment that everybody should experience at least once (Once is enough to create a big impact in your life). If you think she can say that because in the fictitious land, Lynette has a husband who truly loves her. Then you are wrong, all along her husband has loved her but she forgot and couldn't see it. (And of course it's a TV shows that lasted for 8 years, they needed more dramas).

What if you don't have that special others like Tom Scavo, don't forget, you have yourself. Don't ever forget that you should love yourself first and that you should be the first and last person who loves YOU when no one else will. When you do that, completion will fall into place. Life will make sense. Relationships will flourish. The universe will love you more and bless you with more. How do I know? I am living and breathing it. I only really start loving myself completely for less than 2 months and already my life is unfolding in its magical and mystical way. (Before that I was having, as Facebook puts it as "it's complicated" kinda relationship with myself.)

To end the post, the conversation between Tom and Lynette from the last episode of Desperate Housewives summed it really well. I hope you get the message. I hope you see that what you really need to make you complete is simply to embrace the here and the now as they are. You are already complete.Nothing more. Nothing less.

Lynette: "I'm happy right here right now."

Tom: "I bet someone like that, could be happy anywhere."