Who Do You Choose to Have in Your Garden of Life?

Besides his full time occupation of being a doctor, in his heart, my dad is a loving farmer. With the limited space we have on top of our shop house, he has managed to plant more than 23 varieties of vegetables or fruits 2 years ago (the number should be increasing by now? I'm not sure). Plants that eventually will feed our family, relatives, neighbours and friends. He's super happy when people get to taste the fruits of his labour. The feedback he receives will fuel him to do better, try new things and share more.

Due to the very limited space that we have, he is very careful of what he grows. I remember when he had to get rid of plants that didn't give positive feedback. No fruits, no flowers ... nothing. After waiting for few months, he will then decide to get rid of them and let the space be flourished with new seeds.

Through that observation, I've learned a very important metaphor to life. We too are the gardeners of our lives. The relationships we have with others are like the diversity of plants we have cultivated along the way. We planted the seeds just like how we sealed our friendships through the initial handshakes. We watered and tended to the plants on regular basis, just like how we consciously ensure we don't lose touch. Some need more time, some need more attention, some need more activities together, different strokes for different folks. Based on the feedback we receive, whether the relationships bear fruits or not, we then decide whether the limited space of our garden is being invested wisely.

Sometimes, despite the perceived giving on our end, we may not receive any types of positive affirmations from the relationship. Just like the plants which are not dying but they are also not going anywhere. Maybe they need more time. Maybe they just grow better with different soils and farmers. Sometimes, we will never know. But what we know, as the farmers of our own garden, being given the same amount of time by The Universe, we must do our best to ensure our gardens don't go to waste. When our best is still not enough, then it's time to let the plant go. Eventually, each plant will find a place where it really belongs. All is well.
 

Your energy will only rise in direct relationship to the number of things you are able to get rid of - not to the things you acquire. By getting rid of things, attitudes, encumbrances, and blocks of one kind or another, things fly.
- Stuart Wilde

Fortunately, this money plant has been with me since 2007.
We are still meant for each other and it gave me positive feedback. Huat ah!

PS. Happy spring cleaning too, Everyone!

A Thank You Note to My Papi

One of my greatest influence in my life without me knowing, is my dad. I am dedicating this post to my Papi (Yesh, that's how I call him since I was a little girl, I don't really know why though).

My dad is an awesome guy. (Mom, do you know how lucky you are?) I look up to him especially when I was very young. I wanted just to be like him. I wanted to whistle like him, even though I couldn't, I then pretended to whistle and the sound was coming from my throat instead of the smooth whistling manner. (Couldn't believe the school actually asked me to perform the fake whistle in front the entire school!!!). I wanted to look like him, so I stole his hair gel and combed my hair exactly like him. I admired him to the bits and I couldn't understand why then. I think I know now.

He is a very lovable creature, my dad. An enlightened soul who is like a beacon of light wherever he goes. He talks to anybody, from all walks of life - a trait that I'm glad to inherit into my DNA even until now. He always shows kindness and compassion towards everyone. When he can help, he will do his best. He's also very playful and never stops seeing the lighter side of things. My close friends who have met him, love him too even though he can't stop making fun of them somehow, they let him because they too feel safe to make fun of him. None of my friends that I know up to this day would leave his presence without a laughter or simply a smile. That's how he left a footprint in people's heart. Aren't I lucky to have a dad like him?

However, when discipline was needed, I was not spared. The rattan was my very best friend when I grew up. I was never spoiled. Jokes and playfulness aside, he managed to instill a sense of authority towards me which I learned to appreciate as I grew up. Because, without those loving "smacks", I couldn't imagine what kind of being I would be.

The biggest living inheritance I have ever received from my dad was definitely the art of being loving and the habit of acknowledging every living beings. Riding on the Vespa with him all around our small little town, we always acknowledged people we knew as long as we saw them. That's why when my parents were away and I was on my friend's motorcycle, the next day I was scolded by my parents because the news traveled so fast and thanks to the uncountable journeys on the dark blue Vespa, my face was pretty recognizable by then! -_-" And I had disobeyed the rule to not be on anybody's motorcycle EVER! (I think this rule still applies even until now.)

My Papi has been the beacon of love and I really couldn't ask for a better father figure to make me who I am today. Papi, I know you will be reading this because you seem to be pretty active on Google Plus through your "much-cooler-than-mine" iPad 2. I would like you to know that I love you very much and I can't be more thankful enough for your presence all these while and most importantly, by simply being who you are, you have taught me how to love life and everything/everyone in it.

"Love is a matter of inner nature, not of relationship. Love has nothing to do with relationship, love is a state of being. It is an inner component of one's individuality." - Osho

My kinda Man with my beloved Sister, Kiky who was super overweight thanks to 
the generosity of my Dad! Yes, that's not a piglet. It's a miniature pinscher.

The Happiness Journey by Ajahn Brahm

I attended a free talk by Ajahn Brahm, a Buddhist monk from London but who's now based in Australia. He has 3 free talks as organized by Buddhist Fellowship Centre. The Happiness Journey was the first one, which I didn't intend to go because I thought I am a pretty happy person. But things changed, just one night before the talk, I took a look at the date and exclaimed,"Hey, I can make it!". So, I went. At the very last minute, my Personal Trainer who is a very open minded Christian, told me that he too would like to come. I welcome him of course. He enjoyed it and even donated to the temple. I was shocked.

If I forget everything about the almost 2-hour talk, I will not forget the story Ajahn Brahm shared in the very beginning. He said he has shared this numerous time and will not stop doing it (because the same people keep coming to the talk ... haha, he has great sense of humour). After he told the story, I totally agree. One of the simplest and yet most profound metaphor that I really hope everyone can benefit from it.

The Chicken Farmers
There are 2 chicken farmers. One is dumb. One is smart. Every night the chickens have the same rituals, they lay eggs and poop in the chicken shed.The next morning, the farmers will also have the same routines, they will wake up and go to the shed. However, what they collect are totally different and that sets them apart.

The dumb farmer will collect the poop and leave the eggs in the shed. He then brings the poop into his home to his family. Not only it stinks up the entire house, it makes the family very uncomfortable.

The smart farmer will collect only the eggs and leave the poop behind in the shed. He will use the poop as fertilizer much later. He then brings the eggs to his family and some to the market to sell. The family is well fed and he earns some money from the sales. 

The metaphor was shared when the interviewer asked how can one be happy. Here are the explanations to the story:
The dumb farmer represents people who are not happy.
The smart farmer represents people who are happy.
The poop represents unhappy thoughts, unpleasant moments of the past.
The egg represents happy thoughts, the pleasant moments of the past.
The home and the family represents your own mind, your home, your family, your friends, people whom you share your stories with.

The reason why people are unhappy, is because, even after the unhappy events have passed, they still carry them in their mind. They then share the stories to their friends/family and "stink up" the entire ambience.They pollute their own mood and those around them.

The reason why people are happy, is because, they only remember and share the happy moments. This doesn't mean they forget the bad, they use those bad moments as "fertilizers". They learn from it and grow from it but they choose not to bring it to their minds or to impose those to their home, family, friends, etc.

This powerful metaphor, if applied in real life, you will be a much happier person. How do I know it? I have walked the path without me realizing. I am a happier person in 2012 than in 2011, I realize it's all because I have been collecting "eggs" and not "poop. If you are familiar with my "nonsense" on Facebook, I have been collecting my eggs in the form of:

• Moment of the Day (MOTD)
• Awesomeness of the Day (AOTD)

No matter how ridiculous it can be for others, those moments and awesomeness make me extremely happy. As I tend to have a memory of a bird, I write and share it through Facebook. For more personal moments, I wrote them in my journal which I then able to write them out in a letter and the moments I collected for 4 months, were worth 10 pages in point forms. I surprised myself.

It is not difficult to be happy, if happiness is really what you are looking for, if not, don't bother. The key is really to be so aware and mindful of your own mind. Once you are aware and mindful, the next step is be very deliberate on the thoughts you allow to park themselves there.

So, what are you collecting now? Poop or eggs? I know for sure what I want and no turning back.

If you are interested in the 2 other talks by him, the information is below. All is welcome. Literally, all.
No registration needed. 

"Never allow anyone to control your happiness." - Ajahn Brahm

Lesson from 2012 - #1 - Do Not Believe in the "He Says", "She Says", "They Say"

So, I have promised that I will share 3 most important lessons I have learned in 2012. Here is my very first one:

"Just because someone says the words, doesn't mean it is the truth. 

If you believe in it, please take full responsibility. 

It was your choice to begin with in trusting their words."

Can you believe I have heard about this lesson since 2002 and then in 2005 but I only understood it in 2012?

In 2002, my ex-boss and I were walking back to the office. I remember this scene so vividly and now I understand why. There is a lesson hidden in those few minutes of walk. We were talking about projects on hand and also about some of our customers. I then made a remark,"Words are cheap." He quickly said,"No, Donna. Words are free." His words never left my brain since then.

In 2005, again my new boss then shared with me to never ever believe in "he says", "she says". If you would like to know something you have to:

• Get the facts directly. See the figures. See the things for yourself.
• Talk to the person who is directly involved in the matter.
• 3rd party account doesn't represent the truth.

Finally in 2012, I understood and internalized this lesson. I can say the last half of 2012, I have lived my life so effortlessly in this area. I may have slip-ups but most of the time ...

• I speak without fear and only the truth to anyone who bothers to listen.
• I am responsible of what I say but I am not responsible of how others will interpret and use/abuse my message. When a message is passed down to a 3rd party, he/she may have her own perspective and distort my message. They are free to do so.
• If there is something I really need to know, I will seek it directly from the relevant parties. 
• Words are free and they have their own power. Whatever come out from my mouth, they will spread their wings and fly. Make sure they are worthy of those flights. 
• I may seek advice from people but in the end the choice is mine. If I listen to them and take action accordingly, I am responsible completely for the decision made.

Taking full responsibility of what comes out of my own mouth has been a liberating practice. I know my truth. I stand by it and have no fear when others have problems with it because they see what they want to see. You can't control that.

Taking full responsibility of what I deem to be the truth based on the information I get from others, has taught me to discern better. I can see clearer now when some of the advice given to me was "biased" and based on that person's personal experience. In the end, I am the master of my destiny and the choice I make is my own responsibility. It's my life, who else can be the best person to decide for it? Moi, of course.

When you remove the habit of saying and believing in "he says", "she says", "they say", etc you will realize most of the things they really say, don't matter much. If it does bother you, then go and talk to him/her/them directly. Have some "balls" and face the person yourself. Cut off the intermediaries or just take those as stories to the ears (some can be really quite epic - can be used as inspiration for next fiction story). No point getting too personal about it.

Again, life is too uncertain. Make sure you fill it with something that's worthy. And speculating or getting affected by what people say, is definitely not worthy of your breath.

Thank You, 2012. Come Here You, 2013.

Wow ... without realizing, this is a ritual I have which I also did in 2011 when I said Au Revoir to 2011 and Bonjour to 2012. I shall, ask the same questions again and that will be:

What have you learned?
What will you leave behind?
What will you bring with you to 2013?

2012 has been a wonderful year to me in so many levels. Looking back, 2012 has been my best year ever in my entire life. I thought 2011 was the best then 2012 proves me wrong. For that, I thank you, 2012. Every single moments I had with you was simply splendid and memorable. It was colourful beyond explanations. Some of the experiences are unimaginably precious, which will only come by once in a lifetime. I'm glad I lived through it fully and not missing any of those moments.

What Have I Learned?

• I have learned that living the best life means living, breathing and being your true self no matter what others say.
• I have learned that making sure I am happy at any given moment will bring me to places I've never been.
• I have learned by taking care of myself and making sure I'm at my best in all areas, life will give its best to me too.
• I have learned that after every lessons I learned, I thought I understood, life will change and the lessons are totally renewed and I have to humble myself to learn something new again. There is indeed no absolute.
• I have learned 3 other important lessons which I think will break them into 3 posts and share it in 2013. Wow ... what a learning year 2012 has been for me.

What Will I Leave Behind?

• I will leave behind the thoughts that whatever I do is not good enough. Because I have done enough. I have given enough and I am enough.
• I will leave behind people who are unappreciative of what I have done because there are many others who will, and some I've not met yet.

What Will I Bring with Me to 2013?

• I will bring with me, the precious people who value me, who see me as I am, who accept me, who grow with me, who teach me, who don't give up on me, who bother to let me know how I meant to them, who occasionally popped by to let me know I am being missed (you know who you are SYT), who bothers to include me on special events even though I'm a new addition and who are simply who they are. That took courage, so I bring with me courageous bunch of awesome souls into this wonderful year.
• I will still bring with me, my intuition, my feeling, my heart that beats and senses things better than my mind. They have never failed me.
• I will bring with me my faith in all good things in life.
• I will bring with me my sense of wonder.
• I will bring with me an empty mind so it will be filled with new lessons and experiences. Though I must really thread carefully on what I want to learn next.

2012, really thank you. I could list down how eventful my life from the beginning until the end of the year but that will be such a bore. You know. I know. That's enough. I have to let you go now. I have to enter 2013, another floodgate will open for me. I can feel it. But without you, 2012, I wouldn't be who I am now and I wouldn't be ready to embrace what's in store for me. It was a blast and now it will be part of my precious memory.

Hope you will have a great year ahead too, dear readers!

C.S. Lewis said it best - "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

If you ask me what the most memorable and impactful moment of my life was - it would have been this;
my very own event "Dîner en Noir". Didn't know it was possible, it was merely a stupid idea.
(Thursday, 30th of August 2012)

Image courtesy of Brian Tracy's FB page.

If the World Ends on 21.12.2012

So the Mayans said the world may end on 21/12/2012. How exciting if that's real. There and then whatever you need to do, you don't need to any more. You will be eternally freed - unless you are reincarnated again and you have to serve your Karma which means nothing much has changed. Bummer.

Assuming, it will really end when the clock strikes midnight, what will you be doing? Will you be happy with whatever you are doing then? What if, the world ends in the afternoon, or even at night? Will you be pleased with the people you are spending time with? If not, ever wonder why you are doing it?

Honestly, I don't really know what Mayans were predicting but I don't think the world will just vanish on 21/12. But, one never knows. I mean, it may not be 21/12, it could be 25/12, then what?

Most importantly is to really live as if you are going to die everyday, every single moment. Also to look at people around with such mindset too and you will live differently. All fights don't matter. All flaws don't seem to be as huge any longer. But you can't control if others do though. You can only live your best life and let others be as they are. Even if your best maybe their worst nightmares, then maybe you should look for people who could appreciate your best instead.

Strange isn't it, it takes death to make one knows how to live. But even with death as our final destination, we tend to forget about that one important fact. We live as if we are going to live forever. We still try to prove we are right. We try to justify our wrong deeds. We are all going to die anyway, does it matter? Can't we lighten up a little bit? Have fun a little bit? Spread some joy a little bit? Give a little more. Keep the guard down. Let loose. Be vulnerable and fall and then get back up again then fly then fall then get back up again then breathe and feel free. 

If the Mayans are right this time, I would say, I have lived my best life. It could have been better in certain areas but up to this point, I am very pleased with the way I live. 

How about you?

If it does end, just remember this quote from the movie I'm watching - Pitch Perfect.
"Told you. Endings are the best part."

That may just be right for anything. :) Cause you may not know what beautiful beginnings you will be welcomed with at the other side. 

At My Best, I Chirp

I love birds.
I love looking at birds.
I especially love when they just fly and soar up to the sky.
Or, when they say "hello" by flying right in front of me and catch me by surprise.

The slight sight of them will light up my face.
The slight sound of them will make me join them into nature's acapella group (when I'm alone, of course).

Friends on my FB are pretty used to my love affairs with birds, especially the pigeons. Well, I only recognize pigeons or occasionally Oriole ... the rest, I don't know their names. They never asked me to call them, maybe.

Besides being called a bird face and I do have a bird brain that tends to forget many things, I realize, at my best, I am like a bird. I chirp, I fly around, I mingle and I really chirp non-stop. At my worst, I hide in my nest, refusing to fly anywhere and my chirp subsides.

No birds chirp at all times and no birds hide at all times too.
Guess, that's the lesson I'm learning that I, occasionally, need to rest my chirping.
Though it feels "off", but there's nothing wrong with it.

Like this bird that was spotted by someone who has keen eyes for details, right outside my window, I too, need to rest and be alone. Sometimes, for no logical reasons at all, and that's alright. Because birds do what birds do best. They will chirp again when they feel like it.

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
- Joseph Campbell

 

So, Which 3 Days of Your Life Are You Grateful For?

Happy Belated Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Well, it's not something that's well celebrated in Singapore but I "enforced" it among my best friends since last year and it has been a ritual for us since then. A great ritual I must say. Ok, it has only been 2 years haha! But heck, it's going to be a ritual from now on.

Due to my short-term memory, I don't really remember what I was thankful for in 2011 but my great BFF kept it on her mobile and we were able to have a glimpse of all things we were thankful for. Apparently my cockiness has never changed. I always declare that I have too many things to be thankful for and my list can grow as long as I want them too. No! I was not born this way. Trust me on this. It's a learned process.

Anyway, as I was short of time ... with my tired body that just touched down Singapore from a long trip, I chanced upon this newsletter when my Blackberry was finally able to receive emails. The title of the email is - 20 Questions for Thanksgiving.

So, while my BFFs were thinking about what they were grateful for (since I already did it the night before, yeah yeah ... I'm a snob haha!), I threw them some of the questions from the given list. I didn't ask them all but one of my favourite question was:

 14) Name three days in your life that you feel especially grateful for.

One of my friend said - Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The other one said - 23, 24 and 25 of December.

And here are mine:

1. The day I was aware that I will die
   Don't ask me when I realized this. I don't have the exact date. But maybe, it was sometimes in 2007. When I was so fully aware that my heart is not going to beat here forever, I lived differently. It was a good realization but not as good as when I came to the next realization. Anyway, I was pretty ready with my own eulogy but I think it still can be done better than that. I must thank my MonkeyBro for teaching me the most important phrase on earth "Memento Mori".
2. The day I was aware that people around me will die
   Well, I knew about this in Oct 2012. It was an internally painful process. When I finally realized that my loved ones will just vanish and I won't even know when. This realization is very different compared to #1 and I must say it's so much more powerful. Words couldn't express the essence of this lesson. You really have to live and feel it. I see people differently since then. Not just my loved ones, everyone.
3. The day I was "roughly" aware of my purpose of life
   This is a tough one! It has been a gradual process! I have been asking the question of "purpose of life" for really long! For many years! I never stopped asking myself and even strangers. I asked others because I thought through them I might just see a glimpse of my answer. My friends found me amusing and probably a bit strange, but heck, I kept on asking. Eventually, I slowly unfolded it. I wouldn't say that I know the exact answer to it but I know I am on my way of discovering and I'm in a better place compared to where I was when I asked that question.
4. (To insert my cockiness here, I am adding #4 though only 3 were required) The day I understood my mother's advice.
I don't need to say much. Click the link above and you will get what I mean. If I ever forget all the lessons above, I think by remembering my mom's best words, I am safe in life. It's a great moral compass that took me 14 years to fully grasp it. But once I got it, I have never lived a day without it. Never! Even Shakespeare agrees with it when he said - "to thine own self be true".

Gratitude is heaven itself. – William Blake

So, again, happy thanksgiving! It's a day that I think should be celebrated daily. So, what are the 3 days of your life that you are grateful for? Why not make it everyday since we are all blessed with 365 days per year? Wouldn't that be awesome. :)

What am I thankful for on Friday, 23 November 2012? I am thankful for the new people I met below that have made my day so memorable. It would have never been the same without them. So, thank you George, Heather, Zaki, Haikel and Rhizza (whom I met on the very sad day when my mentor passed away). Didn't know she too experienced the same thing as I did then. Life is an amazing journey, isn't it? You really wouldn't know where it will bring you, so just sail your boat and keep discovering what it has to offer.