Important Message from Dr Richard Teo Keng Siang (1972-2012)

This video that I am about to share is worth watching. I have shared it on my Facebook and it's so good that I really hope those of you who are not my FB friends will also have the chance to view it, hence I decide to blog it.

I first chanced upon the message also on FB, it was a long transcript which can be found in this link. It was a great message but the video has more impact on me (and different from the transcript above). I know I have blogged about my future eulogy and remembering the mortalities of people around us, but actually listening to the message directly from a man who was really dying, made it more real.

Dr Richard Teo was a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer. Towards the end of his life, he realized what really is essential in his life and hence his message is for people to not make the same mistake as him.

I am not able to embed the video, so here's the link once again. I hope you will benefit it as much as I do.

"When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. ... Don't let society tell you how to live. Don't let the media tell you what you're supposed to do okay because that's what happened to me. And I led this life thinking all these things are going to bring me happiness. I hope you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your life. Not according to what other people tell you to do and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself or whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself." 
- Dr Richard Teo

PS.
27 October 2012
I just found out from all the comments given by anonymous people that the video has turned private. :(
As I'm not the owner of the video, I can't make it public.
However a kind stranger has provided me with the updated link and voila hereby I'm sharing it once again. (I can't embed it still). Hope everyone will benefit from this!
Thanks, whoever-you-are to update me on this!

My "Diving" Experience

The first time I saw this image from my friend's Facebook page (I think it was 5th of August 2012), I told myself,"Huah! I want to do that too. I want to dive with the sharks!" Shortly after, I registered and confirmed my trip just like that. 

2.5 months later, I passed my theory test and finally on the 19th of October made my way to Tioman, Malaysia for the rest of the practical training. It was pouring cats and dogs on the first day of my training, but that didn't bother me. We were all going to get wet anyway.

When I was putting on my wet suit... ho boy, I didn't like it at all. I was thinking to myself. This is one troublesome activity ever. I had to wear a full body suit as they didn't have any other in my size. After which, we had to carry all the gears and went into the pool for the first pool training. We were made to swim 20 laps in that wet suit. I thought - the pool is so small, this is going to be easy. But it was not - I was so quickly out of breath due to the weight of the wet suit and super choppy pool water. Urgh. 

We continued with other exercises, they were fine until we had to clear the mask full of water under the water. That was when I simply lost it. I couldn't get used to not being able to use my eyes and nose at the same time. I totally hate the feeling of it. Maybe it's because I have never swum without goggles since 9yo. I simply couldn't swim with eyes opened or closed under water. Just not natural for me. Towards the end of the day, I was also shivering like mad. So cold! The full body suit didn't protect me at all too. I seriously kept asking myself, why on earth did I sign up for this? Geez! So, yeah, I threw in the towel. I called it quit the next day. I simply knew diving is simply not for me despite how many people told me "Oh, you are so going to love it." They are all wrong. I don't love it. It was one of the easiest decision I've ever made in my life. No regrets at all.

While my dive mates were training in the pool, I spent an amazing time on the beach from +/- 1 to 8PM. One of the longest ever for me to do so. Yeah, I got burnt alright. But I also saw "Nemo" when playing around in the beach. I fed the fish and they all swam around me. I had so much fun and geez, I didn't even need to breathe in and breathe out unnaturally from the gas tank! I breathed the air that The Universe has supplied to me for free. Fresh!
  

The rocks that mesmerized me the first time I saw them.

I realize there and then that:

1. What you think is cool for others, doesn't mean it's cool for you.
2. Sometimes, you really do need to try things out to decide if it's for you or not. 
3. As long as you are not having fun, don't bother doing it. Don't waste time. (Of course, some works need to be done whether it's fun or not fun.)
4. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. If you don't like it, quit it. Time is more precious than your pride.

I bet the underwater world must be amazing. Look at the image above with the sharks, splendid and magnificent. I believe my inability to scuba dive means I may have missed out on many amazing sea creatures. But I find diving deeper into other realms above sea level is as fulfilling too. People to be understood. Lessons to be learned. Sunsets to be admired. Miracles to be recognized.

I love my "dive" in the here and now and every moment I am still discovering much more than I could imagine. I say bye to the underwater world while maintaining my "buoyancy" on earth, to discover more "little wonders" to be shared with you. I leave the sea to the people who truly are having fun in it instead. So yeah, I'm D.D. and I chickened out from the diving course. I'm proud of it and love myself for it.

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

Image courtesy of someone else. I stole it with permission but without approval yet. But should be okay lah...!

 

Lesson Learned through Friendships Woes

In the last 3.5 years, I have seen a few circles of my friendships are missing a few of their links. Recently, such occurrence happened again. I realize, at all time, I am always the bridge. No, not bridge, I am not connecting anything between the separated worlds. I am simply connected to both parties and have the privilege to see things from both points of view (as much as they are willing to share with me, of course) and to really, not judge who's right, who's wrong. Because ultimately, only the people who are in the situation will know the truth. Words conveyed, to me, are just words conveyed.

It always saddened me to see friendship falls apart.If I can befriend everyone in the world from all walks of life, I will. I will also encourage them to be my friends on Facebook because I really love to share quotes with them. Haha. But, I have learned through life that, everyone really has different lessons to be learned, at their own pace, at their own time. We may not understand it at the moment, like pieces of puzzle, but eventually as time goes by, the picture will form and the grandeur of the image is splendid. Everything will turn out to be for the best for each individual. They will be happier. They will finally find a safe harbour to dock their ships. They will eventually find where they belong. All will be well.
  





To my friends who are affected in the recent curve ball, if you are reading this, I just want to let you know that I love each and everyone dearly. It is a sad fact that things have happened and each time when anything happens, like a pebble dropped into any body of water, it will have its own ripple effect. Things will change. People will be affected. But like that body of water, once the ripple effect subsides, all will look calm again. The pebble will sink and the ripples will simply be part of the serene water. It is still there, but it is at peace and "one" with the water.

If it's meant to be, people will find their way back at their own time, through their own way. If it's not meant to be, people simply have their own paths to walk on. Let them be. Let us be. Let it be. 

Thank you for those great moments together. What we had was precious and forever etched in my heart. In the here and now, let us create our very own new beginnings and let them blossom to whatever The Universe has in store for us. So far, The Universe has never disappointed me. All is eventually well.  

It’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken.  Some relationships and situations just can’t be fixed.  If you try to force them back together, things will only get worse.  Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something better. - Marc and Angel Hack Life

Relationship, It Should Be Easy.

What an interesting night I had ...!

Spending time with 6 French speaking people after my 1 whole month of detox, oh how apt! Not only my ears were having orgasms, I was being spoilt with great food and great wine and most importantly, with my super broken Fransinglais (French+Singlish) I was able to carry a "decent" conversation with a Spanish lady in French.

A little bit of background story on how I ended up where I was:

• I attended a series of wine conferences. Out of 4 of them, I had to spit my wine 3 times. Tonight, finally I got to taste the wine in that fantastic heavenly uniquely Helicium glass which I am going to acquire soon for its magic.
• My friend is in-charge of the event, he was tidying things up and I was helping him. He asked me if I would like to have dinner with "them". I was like ... eh? them who? Them apparently were the organizers, the wine glass seller, the presenter, etc .... so of course I said,"OUI" without a shadow of doubt.

So, we had dinner at Bistro du vin. I had the most pathetic portion compared to all of them. They must have thought I am some kind of pauper for simply eating salad. But seriously, I was not hungry lah. But from what they were eating, I know what to order next.

The highlight of the day for me was when the entire dinner was over. I was so ready to take my direct bus home. One couple (the presenter and the wife whose name I don't even know properly till now!!!! I believe it was Gabriella) talked among themselves then decided to send me home. I was pleasantly surprised and I never said no when the universe has arranged free transport. So, I began my journey with them.

I didn't know they are husband and wife. I thought they are DATING! Why? Because there's this air of sweetness between them. He was driving but he dropped himself at Alliance Francaise as his scooter was there. The wife then drove me back and drove back home. When it was only the wife and I in the car, I started to ask my infamous questions in French.

DD: Wow, so you are husband and wife! I can't tell!
The wife: Haha. Yeah, we've been married for 11 years.
DD: No way! 11 years???
The wife: Yeah. 2 kids. 2 boys.
DD: You know to most people that's considered a miracle right?
The wife: Haha! Maybe!
DD: So how's married life? Heard it's supposed to be hard work.
The wife: No way. To me, it's joie de vivre (joy of living). It's never hard work.
DD: I think it's the first time I hear this. I agree with what you said though. It shouldn't be difficult. It should feel easy.
The wife: Exactly. That's how I feel. It's never difficult.
DD: That's really great because you belong to the minority. But how do you know he's the one?
The wife: Honestly, I didn't know if he was the one or not. Even until the day I have to walk down the isle, I was still not sure and my friends were making sure I was not escaping somewhere.
DD: Seriously? And look how far you've come.
The wife: Ya. I never regret it.
DD: That's life. You'll never know anyway. I'm glad you took the plunge. Nice meeting you. Enchanté et bonne nuit.
The wife: A vous aussi. Ciao.

Many times I've heard that relationship is hard work. Marriage is hard work. Like seriously? Who imparted such beliefs to these people? Well, it may not be incorrect. It does require work, but HARD WORK???? You do know what you believe will become reality right?

No wonder when people around me made that statement, my gut feel disagrees with them in silence. It shouldn't be hard. If it's hard, you need to force it to happen. If you force, then what's the point? It should be easy. It should flow. It should just happens. If it doesn't, it's fine too. Have you ever seen river flows through "hard work"? Or do they simply flow to the sea?

I agree with Gabriella completely. She got it. If they never told me they are husband and wife of 11 years, I really wouldn't have guessed it at all. They were so sweet, gentle, kind and polite to each other as if they were just dating for the first time. How many couples you have witnessed around you are like that? Tell me? For me, they are one of the very few. The rest must be pretty forgettable or "work too hard" that they simply look like the typical husband and wife who believe that marriage is hard work.

I am not a relationship expert but I do know how powerful our minds are. Whatever you think is true, will be true. If you think relationship requires hard work, then it will be for you. Personally, there are certain truths in both perspectives. When others view it as hard work while you are actually feeling happy doing things for your loved one(s), who do you think is right? Both. But which direction you choose to believe and set the course of your life, is entirely up to you.

Thank you, Universe, for letting me meet such wonderful couple. They are truly inspirational.

Love does not dominate; it cultivates.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Morbid Realization of the Day

After "mastering" the art of loving myself and being grateful, recently I have been "introduced" to another lesson in life.

Most of what I've written so far, I realize, are pretty "I" based. I am grateful .... I am putting myself first ... etc .... I feel that I have graduated from the "I" part in life and hence, The Universe is subtly introducing me to the next life lesson, where the "I" has to take a back seat since it's pretty safe and secure now.

For those who know me, I am pretty fascinated with the topic of "Death". Yesh, DD who has the impression of always happy go lucky, actually has her morbid side too. I made a trip down to Ubud, Bali last year not doing what the typical touristy stuff but to visit an island filled with dead bodies unburied. I went to Paris in 2008 with one of the intention to visit Les Catacombs (mass grave) and actually queued 45 minutes for it. I also made a point to visit the Père Lachaise Cemetery. Call me nuts but there's something about death that intrigues me.

Gradually, I understood why the fascination. My monkeybro introduced me to this Latin phrase - Memento Mori which means "Remember you will die". Since then it has been one of my motto. To remember one day I will die. So, most of my actions are based on that principle. When I am confused, I will ask myself,"If today is the last day of my life, will I do what I am going to do? If not, what should I do?" Then I will go ahead and do it or say whatever I need to say. So far, the actions taken and words I have uttered based on this principle have brought me to great places.

But you see, even the above is very "I" based. It's about me. But life apparently has different lesson plan for me now and the realization hit me this morning, morbidly. Sure, if I die now, I will be okay. As in, I have lived my life fully that it's fine for me to leave now. But .... what if, the death is not about me but about people around me. What if they are those of my loved ones? How would I feel then? Will I be okay?

I realize life lesson really has different level and once you have graduated with the "self" you will need to learn about "others". Then you will realize, life is never ever about you anyway.

So, I asked myself - if he/she/it dies now/today/tomorrow/next week, have I done my best for them? If not, what do I need to do here and now knowing how impermanent everything can be.

Honestly, this is one bitter pill to swallow. I, definitely, haven't really grasped the impact of that one question that I posed upon myself. To look at the person in front of you, knowing that they may just *poof* without you knowing, is a pretty heart wrenching experience. Even if it's not real, but even imagining it brought tears to my eyes. I am still learning. Still trying to find peace with this realization.

I'm just glad I'm aware of it and awareness is the key to any changes in life. Moving forward, I don't look at the people in front of me the same way anymore. I will learn, eventually, to be at peace with this realization. Meanwhile, I will do my best at every given moment as if it's the last for me and people around me. This will be a conscious choice I make every single day.

"Life is short, and shortly it will end"

(from Llibre Vermell de Montserrat from 1399)

Love Yourself First - Why Should You?

Try saying to yourself this statement - "I love myself and I put myself first." 
How does it make you feel?

More often than not, if you are not used to this concept, it will bring some shiver down your spine. You will not be at ease in saying that statement and it totally doesn't feel natural. Some people think by saying that, you are automatically a selfish and egoistic person. I used to think that way too but now, I beg to differ.

I really wonder how majority of us are being brought to believe that it is selfish to love ourselves. I wouldn't know many of your stories but I have my own life to look at.

In a traditional Chinese or I believe Asian family, we are so accustomed to put everyone first but ourselves. We have to put our elders first; these include our parents, our elder brothers/sisters, our grandparents, our aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, friends' parents, parent's friends, etc and the list goes on. As long as these people are in front of you, you are taking the second chair.

You have to show "respect" by making sure the people who are older than you are taken care of first. Hence, it's very common in the Asian family, the eldest in the family always take on the most responsibility, especially in the olden days and especially if you are a male. Many have sacrificed their own studies to go out and work early in their lives so that they are able to support their siblings. This trait is really admirable and pretty much rare to be seen in where I'm living now.

I too learned from my school and church that I have to serve. So, we serve for the sake of serving. I served for the sake of "this is how it is supposed to be". I served relentlessly on a weekly basis, if I could. But, there's this fake façade I found in people that at that point of time I couldn't pinpoint what it was. But it didn't feel "real". It felt like some people were there "serving" for a different purpose.

Don't get me wrong! I think ultimately, all our life purpose is not for ourselves, we have our own calling, believe it or not. You don't need to be Oprah or Jesus to have a calling. Your calling may just be for your family or friends and still that's a worthy calling. However, from my own personal experience, serving, giving and everything are so much more fulfilling when I have first to learn how to serve/give/love myself.

Loving yourself, is not a selfish act at all. It's actually the other way round.

Imagine if you are a car, your purpose is to be driven and to bring your passengers from point A to point B. Well, I don't drive well and I don't know the mechanics of a car but I do know one of the most important component without which you just can't go here go there is - you need the fuel.

To love yourself first, is like to put a full tank in your car to ensure your passengers have a good ride to their destination. To love yourself first, means to be the best that you can be so that you can give the best of yourself to others. How is that a selfish act? It is not only a win-win situation, because when your tank is full, you are happy. When you help others when you are happy, others are happy too.

I come a really long way in learning how to love myself. 14 years to be exact and I briefly mentioned how I came to realize that in previous post of mine where I talked about my parents. Since, I have been on both sides now (quoting Joni Mitchell's awesome song), I realize I am a better person after my tank is full. Not only I am happier, but others feel better when they are with me. How can they not be? My tank is full, I can bring them here and there to their destinations. Though sometimes my car will breakdown, but after putting myself at rest into a imaginary service center - as long as the fuel is intact, I'm good to go again.

Now, when I look back at all the values I have learned from being in a traditional Chinese family, being from school, from church I used to attend, I can now appreciate them even more. When I do give my respect to my elders, it comes from the utmost sincere place. I respect you because I want to and not because I need to and not because it's customary and tradition to do so. When I do good and serve others, it's not because I have to and not because I need to follow a certain doctrine to prove my worthiness, but because I love to and I genuinely will do it without anybody instructs me to do so.

Loving myself first, is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was a long and winding road but I have arrived, and here/now is better than there/then.

So, love yourself first, why should you?

Because before it's too late for you to realize, you are the only being who has accompanied you at your birth. You are the only person who has made all the choices in life that brought you where you are now. You are the only person who is still standing when others have left. You are the only person who cried yourself to sleep and still woke up the next morning and live your life as it is. You will be the one and only person who take that final breath as you part with this amazing journey called life. Why shouldn't you love yourself when ultimately, you are all that you really have?

The most meaningful lesson I learned from being at death’s door is that unless I love myself, nothing else in my life can function at its best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy I experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love I have for myself. The amount of love, kindness, patience I have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness I have for myself, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. - Anita Moorjani