Who Are You in Front of the Kids?

"The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from, more than what you tell them. They don't remember what you try to teach them. They remember what you are."
- Jim Henson

In June 2012, will mark the 14th year that I have been living far away from my parents. I simply couldn't believe how time simply flies right through you without you noticing. It felt like not so long ago, my parents came with me to Singapore to make sure I was ready for the university. It was 14 years ago, my parents left me outside the lecture theaters area as I was too occupied and rushing to join back my orientation group. It was 14 years ago when my mom kept repeating actually one of the most important advice one can ever get in life and it really took me almost 14 years to finally understand and implement that simple two words' worth of advice. 

The quote above came to me just few minutes ago and I couldn't help but to reflect on what I have learned from my parents. It's so true. I could hardly remember the things they have told me though I know it's meant for my well-being. Imagine, it took me 14 years to realize how important the one and only thing my mom ever passed down to me knowing I will be away from them for long. I can't imagine how many important gems they have uttered and they simply went in from my right ear and went out through the left one. But I am always grateful for what/how my parents have always been in front of me, because that's where I learned the most.

My parents have been ...
Compassionate and Generous. I always see them helping those in needs. By frequenting their shops, by spreading the words to help their business, by asking them to keep the change, by donating some of the items knowing some family really can make good use of them.

Curious. They never stop learning. Their thirst for knowledge and making sure they are up-to-date amaze me even up until now. My mom reads anything that she can get hold on to. My dad manages to figure out how to use blackberry messenger, iPad, whatsapp, etc by humbly asking others to teach him (including the impatient me, sometimes).

Thoughtful and Prepared. Especially when we travel, whatever they bring will be like the most complete Swiss Knife of the travelers. They bring medicines just in case people fall sick in whatever way may be. They bring extra photocopies of important documents just in case the immigration may need one and we don't need to rush out to find photocopy machine. We never leave house without wet/dry tissues knowing they are not so readily available in my country, especially in the toilets.

Congruent and Consistent. This should be one of the most important essence I have drawn from them. What they say they mean. What they mean they do. This applies to both of them. When one thinks I need to be caned, the other one would really be congruently agreeing and my legs and ass would always be in trouble. *Ouch*

I agree fully with the quote above. We tend to learn by mimicking others. As our parents tend to be the very first people we encountered, we learn the most by mimicking them. I don't think I have graduated learning from them. Nobody will ever be. But I will be forever grateful for their existences in my life. 

This doesn't mean parents should stop telling their kids what to do. They will eventually listen. Like me, some may get the important message, 14 years later. My mom, like most Asian mothers, loves to nag. But the one and only time when she gave a very clear and concise advice was before I came to Singapore and she emphasized it many more times before she went back to Indonesia after I have considered "settled down" in the hostel. 

Her message was - 自愛 (Zì'ài). It means love yourself. 

Every time she said that I would say,"我知道了" (I already knew). Oh, how cocky I was. I didn't know anything at all. What I meant was, I understood the definition of those words but I don't know what they really meant at all. It took me 14 years to realize. 14 years to start practicing it consciously. 14 years to have my A-Ha moment over the very simplistic two-letter word. Mom, I got it now. I don't think I am too late, but I got it now. 

Sometimes, even when the master appears, the student listens, doesn't mean the student is ready. But when the student is ready consciously, his/her world expands to another realm. As adults, we really need to be more mindful and aware of who we are in front of the young ones. You really don't know what they will bring with them as they grow up.