Thank You, 2012. Come Here You, 2013.

Wow ... without realizing, this is a ritual I have which I also did in 2011 when I said Au Revoir to 2011 and Bonjour to 2012. I shall, ask the same questions again and that will be:

What have you learned?
What will you leave behind?
What will you bring with you to 2013?

2012 has been a wonderful year to me in so many levels. Looking back, 2012 has been my best year ever in my entire life. I thought 2011 was the best then 2012 proves me wrong. For that, I thank you, 2012. Every single moments I had with you was simply splendid and memorable. It was colourful beyond explanations. Some of the experiences are unimaginably precious, which will only come by once in a lifetime. I'm glad I lived through it fully and not missing any of those moments.

What Have I Learned?

• I have learned that living the best life means living, breathing and being your true self no matter what others say.
• I have learned that making sure I am happy at any given moment will bring me to places I've never been.
• I have learned by taking care of myself and making sure I'm at my best in all areas, life will give its best to me too.
• I have learned that after every lessons I learned, I thought I understood, life will change and the lessons are totally renewed and I have to humble myself to learn something new again. There is indeed no absolute.
• I have learned 3 other important lessons which I think will break them into 3 posts and share it in 2013. Wow ... what a learning year 2012 has been for me.

What Will I Leave Behind?

• I will leave behind the thoughts that whatever I do is not good enough. Because I have done enough. I have given enough and I am enough.
• I will leave behind people who are unappreciative of what I have done because there are many others who will, and some I've not met yet.

What Will I Bring with Me to 2013?

• I will bring with me, the precious people who value me, who see me as I am, who accept me, who grow with me, who teach me, who don't give up on me, who bother to let me know how I meant to them, who occasionally popped by to let me know I am being missed (you know who you are SYT), who bothers to include me on special events even though I'm a new addition and who are simply who they are. That took courage, so I bring with me courageous bunch of awesome souls into this wonderful year.
• I will still bring with me, my intuition, my feeling, my heart that beats and senses things better than my mind. They have never failed me.
• I will bring with me my faith in all good things in life.
• I will bring with me my sense of wonder.
• I will bring with me an empty mind so it will be filled with new lessons and experiences. Though I must really thread carefully on what I want to learn next.

2012, really thank you. I could list down how eventful my life from the beginning until the end of the year but that will be such a bore. You know. I know. That's enough. I have to let you go now. I have to enter 2013, another floodgate will open for me. I can feel it. But without you, 2012, I wouldn't be who I am now and I wouldn't be ready to embrace what's in store for me. It was a blast and now it will be part of my precious memory.

Hope you will have a great year ahead too, dear readers!

C.S. Lewis said it best - "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

If you ask me what the most memorable and impactful moment of my life was - it would have been this;
my very own event "Dîner en Noir". Didn't know it was possible, it was merely a stupid idea.
(Thursday, 30th of August 2012)

Image courtesy of Brian Tracy's FB page.

If the World Ends on 21.12.2012

So the Mayans said the world may end on 21/12/2012. How exciting if that's real. There and then whatever you need to do, you don't need to any more. You will be eternally freed - unless you are reincarnated again and you have to serve your Karma which means nothing much has changed. Bummer.

Assuming, it will really end when the clock strikes midnight, what will you be doing? Will you be happy with whatever you are doing then? What if, the world ends in the afternoon, or even at night? Will you be pleased with the people you are spending time with? If not, ever wonder why you are doing it?

Honestly, I don't really know what Mayans were predicting but I don't think the world will just vanish on 21/12. But, one never knows. I mean, it may not be 21/12, it could be 25/12, then what?

Most importantly is to really live as if you are going to die everyday, every single moment. Also to look at people around with such mindset too and you will live differently. All fights don't matter. All flaws don't seem to be as huge any longer. But you can't control if others do though. You can only live your best life and let others be as they are. Even if your best maybe their worst nightmares, then maybe you should look for people who could appreciate your best instead.

Strange isn't it, it takes death to make one knows how to live. But even with death as our final destination, we tend to forget about that one important fact. We live as if we are going to live forever. We still try to prove we are right. We try to justify our wrong deeds. We are all going to die anyway, does it matter? Can't we lighten up a little bit? Have fun a little bit? Spread some joy a little bit? Give a little more. Keep the guard down. Let loose. Be vulnerable and fall and then get back up again then fly then fall then get back up again then breathe and feel free. 

If the Mayans are right this time, I would say, I have lived my best life. It could have been better in certain areas but up to this point, I am very pleased with the way I live. 

How about you?

If it does end, just remember this quote from the movie I'm watching - Pitch Perfect.
"Told you. Endings are the best part."

That may just be right for anything. :) Cause you may not know what beautiful beginnings you will be welcomed with at the other side. 

At My Best, I Chirp

I love birds.
I love looking at birds.
I especially love when they just fly and soar up to the sky.
Or, when they say "hello" by flying right in front of me and catch me by surprise.

The slight sight of them will light up my face.
The slight sound of them will make me join them into nature's acapella group (when I'm alone, of course).

Friends on my FB are pretty used to my love affairs with birds, especially the pigeons. Well, I only recognize pigeons or occasionally Oriole ... the rest, I don't know their names. They never asked me to call them, maybe.

Besides being called a bird face and I do have a bird brain that tends to forget many things, I realize, at my best, I am like a bird. I chirp, I fly around, I mingle and I really chirp non-stop. At my worst, I hide in my nest, refusing to fly anywhere and my chirp subsides.

No birds chirp at all times and no birds hide at all times too.
Guess, that's the lesson I'm learning that I, occasionally, need to rest my chirping.
Though it feels "off", but there's nothing wrong with it.

Like this bird that was spotted by someone who has keen eyes for details, right outside my window, I too, need to rest and be alone. Sometimes, for no logical reasons at all, and that's alright. Because birds do what birds do best. They will chirp again when they feel like it.

“The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”
- Joseph Campbell

 

So, Which 3 Days of Your Life Are You Grateful For?

Happy Belated Thanksgiving, Everyone!

Well, it's not something that's well celebrated in Singapore but I "enforced" it among my best friends since last year and it has been a ritual for us since then. A great ritual I must say. Ok, it has only been 2 years haha! But heck, it's going to be a ritual from now on.

Due to my short-term memory, I don't really remember what I was thankful for in 2011 but my great BFF kept it on her mobile and we were able to have a glimpse of all things we were thankful for. Apparently my cockiness has never changed. I always declare that I have too many things to be thankful for and my list can grow as long as I want them too. No! I was not born this way. Trust me on this. It's a learned process.

Anyway, as I was short of time ... with my tired body that just touched down Singapore from a long trip, I chanced upon this newsletter when my Blackberry was finally able to receive emails. The title of the email is - 20 Questions for Thanksgiving.

So, while my BFFs were thinking about what they were grateful for (since I already did it the night before, yeah yeah ... I'm a snob haha!), I threw them some of the questions from the given list. I didn't ask them all but one of my favourite question was:

 14) Name three days in your life that you feel especially grateful for.

One of my friend said - Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The other one said - 23, 24 and 25 of December.

And here are mine:

1. The day I was aware that I will die
   Don't ask me when I realized this. I don't have the exact date. But maybe, it was sometimes in 2007. When I was so fully aware that my heart is not going to beat here forever, I lived differently. It was a good realization but not as good as when I came to the next realization. Anyway, I was pretty ready with my own eulogy but I think it still can be done better than that. I must thank my MonkeyBro for teaching me the most important phrase on earth "Memento Mori".
2. The day I was aware that people around me will die
   Well, I knew about this in Oct 2012. It was an internally painful process. When I finally realized that my loved ones will just vanish and I won't even know when. This realization is very different compared to #1 and I must say it's so much more powerful. Words couldn't express the essence of this lesson. You really have to live and feel it. I see people differently since then. Not just my loved ones, everyone.
3. The day I was "roughly" aware of my purpose of life
   This is a tough one! It has been a gradual process! I have been asking the question of "purpose of life" for really long! For many years! I never stopped asking myself and even strangers. I asked others because I thought through them I might just see a glimpse of my answer. My friends found me amusing and probably a bit strange, but heck, I kept on asking. Eventually, I slowly unfolded it. I wouldn't say that I know the exact answer to it but I know I am on my way of discovering and I'm in a better place compared to where I was when I asked that question.
4. (To insert my cockiness here, I am adding #4 though only 3 were required) The day I understood my mother's advice.
I don't need to say much. Click the link above and you will get what I mean. If I ever forget all the lessons above, I think by remembering my mom's best words, I am safe in life. It's a great moral compass that took me 14 years to fully grasp it. But once I got it, I have never lived a day without it. Never! Even Shakespeare agrees with it when he said - "to thine own self be true".

Gratitude is heaven itself. – William Blake

So, again, happy thanksgiving! It's a day that I think should be celebrated daily. So, what are the 3 days of your life that you are grateful for? Why not make it everyday since we are all blessed with 365 days per year? Wouldn't that be awesome. :)

What am I thankful for on Friday, 23 November 2012? I am thankful for the new people I met below that have made my day so memorable. It would have never been the same without them. So, thank you George, Heather, Zaki, Haikel and Rhizza (whom I met on the very sad day when my mentor passed away). Didn't know she too experienced the same thing as I did then. Life is an amazing journey, isn't it? You really wouldn't know where it will bring you, so just sail your boat and keep discovering what it has to offer.

Important Message from Dr Richard Teo Keng Siang (1972-2012)

This video that I am about to share is worth watching. I have shared it on my Facebook and it's so good that I really hope those of you who are not my FB friends will also have the chance to view it, hence I decide to blog it.

I first chanced upon the message also on FB, it was a long transcript which can be found in this link. It was a great message but the video has more impact on me (and different from the transcript above). I know I have blogged about my future eulogy and remembering the mortalities of people around us, but actually listening to the message directly from a man who was really dying, made it more real.

Dr Richard Teo was a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer. Towards the end of his life, he realized what really is essential in his life and hence his message is for people to not make the same mistake as him.

I am not able to embed the video, so here's the link once again. I hope you will benefit it as much as I do.

"When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. ... Don't let society tell you how to live. Don't let the media tell you what you're supposed to do okay because that's what happened to me. And I led this life thinking all these things are going to bring me happiness. I hope you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your life. Not according to what other people tell you to do and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself or whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself." 
- Dr Richard Teo

PS.
27 October 2012
I just found out from all the comments given by anonymous people that the video has turned private. :(
As I'm not the owner of the video, I can't make it public.
However a kind stranger has provided me with the updated link and voila hereby I'm sharing it once again. (I can't embed it still). Hope everyone will benefit from this!
Thanks, whoever-you-are to update me on this!

My "Diving" Experience

The first time I saw this image from my friend's Facebook page (I think it was 5th of August 2012), I told myself,"Huah! I want to do that too. I want to dive with the sharks!" Shortly after, I registered and confirmed my trip just like that. 

2.5 months later, I passed my theory test and finally on the 19th of October made my way to Tioman, Malaysia for the rest of the practical training. It was pouring cats and dogs on the first day of my training, but that didn't bother me. We were all going to get wet anyway.

When I was putting on my wet suit... ho boy, I didn't like it at all. I was thinking to myself. This is one troublesome activity ever. I had to wear a full body suit as they didn't have any other in my size. After which, we had to carry all the gears and went into the pool for the first pool training. We were made to swim 20 laps in that wet suit. I thought - the pool is so small, this is going to be easy. But it was not - I was so quickly out of breath due to the weight of the wet suit and super choppy pool water. Urgh. 

We continued with other exercises, they were fine until we had to clear the mask full of water under the water. That was when I simply lost it. I couldn't get used to not being able to use my eyes and nose at the same time. I totally hate the feeling of it. Maybe it's because I have never swum without goggles since 9yo. I simply couldn't swim with eyes opened or closed under water. Just not natural for me. Towards the end of the day, I was also shivering like mad. So cold! The full body suit didn't protect me at all too. I seriously kept asking myself, why on earth did I sign up for this? Geez! So, yeah, I threw in the towel. I called it quit the next day. I simply knew diving is simply not for me despite how many people told me "Oh, you are so going to love it." They are all wrong. I don't love it. It was one of the easiest decision I've ever made in my life. No regrets at all.

While my dive mates were training in the pool, I spent an amazing time on the beach from +/- 1 to 8PM. One of the longest ever for me to do so. Yeah, I got burnt alright. But I also saw "Nemo" when playing around in the beach. I fed the fish and they all swam around me. I had so much fun and geez, I didn't even need to breathe in and breathe out unnaturally from the gas tank! I breathed the air that The Universe has supplied to me for free. Fresh!
  

The rocks that mesmerized me the first time I saw them.

I realize there and then that:

1. What you think is cool for others, doesn't mean it's cool for you.
2. Sometimes, you really do need to try things out to decide if it's for you or not. 
3. As long as you are not having fun, don't bother doing it. Don't waste time. (Of course, some works need to be done whether it's fun or not fun.)
4. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. If you don't like it, quit it. Time is more precious than your pride.

I bet the underwater world must be amazing. Look at the image above with the sharks, splendid and magnificent. I believe my inability to scuba dive means I may have missed out on many amazing sea creatures. But I find diving deeper into other realms above sea level is as fulfilling too. People to be understood. Lessons to be learned. Sunsets to be admired. Miracles to be recognized.

I love my "dive" in the here and now and every moment I am still discovering much more than I could imagine. I say bye to the underwater world while maintaining my "buoyancy" on earth, to discover more "little wonders" to be shared with you. I leave the sea to the people who truly are having fun in it instead. So yeah, I'm D.D. and I chickened out from the diving course. I'm proud of it and love myself for it.

“People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

Image courtesy of someone else. I stole it with permission but without approval yet. But should be okay lah...!

 

Lesson Learned through Friendships Woes

In the last 3.5 years, I have seen a few circles of my friendships are missing a few of their links. Recently, such occurrence happened again. I realize, at all time, I am always the bridge. No, not bridge, I am not connecting anything between the separated worlds. I am simply connected to both parties and have the privilege to see things from both points of view (as much as they are willing to share with me, of course) and to really, not judge who's right, who's wrong. Because ultimately, only the people who are in the situation will know the truth. Words conveyed, to me, are just words conveyed.

It always saddened me to see friendship falls apart.If I can befriend everyone in the world from all walks of life, I will. I will also encourage them to be my friends on Facebook because I really love to share quotes with them. Haha. But, I have learned through life that, everyone really has different lessons to be learned, at their own pace, at their own time. We may not understand it at the moment, like pieces of puzzle, but eventually as time goes by, the picture will form and the grandeur of the image is splendid. Everything will turn out to be for the best for each individual. They will be happier. They will finally find a safe harbour to dock their ships. They will eventually find where they belong. All will be well.
  





To my friends who are affected in the recent curve ball, if you are reading this, I just want to let you know that I love each and everyone dearly. It is a sad fact that things have happened and each time when anything happens, like a pebble dropped into any body of water, it will have its own ripple effect. Things will change. People will be affected. But like that body of water, once the ripple effect subsides, all will look calm again. The pebble will sink and the ripples will simply be part of the serene water. It is still there, but it is at peace and "one" with the water.

If it's meant to be, people will find their way back at their own time, through their own way. If it's not meant to be, people simply have their own paths to walk on. Let them be. Let us be. Let it be. 

Thank you for those great moments together. What we had was precious and forever etched in my heart. In the here and now, let us create our very own new beginnings and let them blossom to whatever The Universe has in store for us. So far, The Universe has never disappointed me. All is eventually well.  

It’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken.  Some relationships and situations just can’t be fixed.  If you try to force them back together, things will only get worse.  Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something better. - Marc and Angel Hack Life

Relationship, It Should Be Easy.

What an interesting night I had ...!

Spending time with 6 French speaking people after my 1 whole month of detox, oh how apt! Not only my ears were having orgasms, I was being spoilt with great food and great wine and most importantly, with my super broken Fransinglais (French+Singlish) I was able to carry a "decent" conversation with a Spanish lady in French.

A little bit of background story on how I ended up where I was:

• I attended a series of wine conferences. Out of 4 of them, I had to spit my wine 3 times. Tonight, finally I got to taste the wine in that fantastic heavenly uniquely Helicium glass which I am going to acquire soon for its magic.
• My friend is in-charge of the event, he was tidying things up and I was helping him. He asked me if I would like to have dinner with "them". I was like ... eh? them who? Them apparently were the organizers, the wine glass seller, the presenter, etc .... so of course I said,"OUI" without a shadow of doubt.

So, we had dinner at Bistro du vin. I had the most pathetic portion compared to all of them. They must have thought I am some kind of pauper for simply eating salad. But seriously, I was not hungry lah. But from what they were eating, I know what to order next.

The highlight of the day for me was when the entire dinner was over. I was so ready to take my direct bus home. One couple (the presenter and the wife whose name I don't even know properly till now!!!! I believe it was Gabriella) talked among themselves then decided to send me home. I was pleasantly surprised and I never said no when the universe has arranged free transport. So, I began my journey with them.

I didn't know they are husband and wife. I thought they are DATING! Why? Because there's this air of sweetness between them. He was driving but he dropped himself at Alliance Francaise as his scooter was there. The wife then drove me back and drove back home. When it was only the wife and I in the car, I started to ask my infamous questions in French.

DD: Wow, so you are husband and wife! I can't tell!
The wife: Haha. Yeah, we've been married for 11 years.
DD: No way! 11 years???
The wife: Yeah. 2 kids. 2 boys.
DD: You know to most people that's considered a miracle right?
The wife: Haha! Maybe!
DD: So how's married life? Heard it's supposed to be hard work.
The wife: No way. To me, it's joie de vivre (joy of living). It's never hard work.
DD: I think it's the first time I hear this. I agree with what you said though. It shouldn't be difficult. It should feel easy.
The wife: Exactly. That's how I feel. It's never difficult.
DD: That's really great because you belong to the minority. But how do you know he's the one?
The wife: Honestly, I didn't know if he was the one or not. Even until the day I have to walk down the isle, I was still not sure and my friends were making sure I was not escaping somewhere.
DD: Seriously? And look how far you've come.
The wife: Ya. I never regret it.
DD: That's life. You'll never know anyway. I'm glad you took the plunge. Nice meeting you. Enchanté et bonne nuit.
The wife: A vous aussi. Ciao.

Many times I've heard that relationship is hard work. Marriage is hard work. Like seriously? Who imparted such beliefs to these people? Well, it may not be incorrect. It does require work, but HARD WORK???? You do know what you believe will become reality right?

No wonder when people around me made that statement, my gut feel disagrees with them in silence. It shouldn't be hard. If it's hard, you need to force it to happen. If you force, then what's the point? It should be easy. It should flow. It should just happens. If it doesn't, it's fine too. Have you ever seen river flows through "hard work"? Or do they simply flow to the sea?

I agree with Gabriella completely. She got it. If they never told me they are husband and wife of 11 years, I really wouldn't have guessed it at all. They were so sweet, gentle, kind and polite to each other as if they were just dating for the first time. How many couples you have witnessed around you are like that? Tell me? For me, they are one of the very few. The rest must be pretty forgettable or "work too hard" that they simply look like the typical husband and wife who believe that marriage is hard work.

I am not a relationship expert but I do know how powerful our minds are. Whatever you think is true, will be true. If you think relationship requires hard work, then it will be for you. Personally, there are certain truths in both perspectives. When others view it as hard work while you are actually feeling happy doing things for your loved one(s), who do you think is right? Both. But which direction you choose to believe and set the course of your life, is entirely up to you.

Thank you, Universe, for letting me meet such wonderful couple. They are truly inspirational.

Love does not dominate; it cultivates.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Morbid Realization of the Day

After "mastering" the art of loving myself and being grateful, recently I have been "introduced" to another lesson in life.

Most of what I've written so far, I realize, are pretty "I" based. I am grateful .... I am putting myself first ... etc .... I feel that I have graduated from the "I" part in life and hence, The Universe is subtly introducing me to the next life lesson, where the "I" has to take a back seat since it's pretty safe and secure now.

For those who know me, I am pretty fascinated with the topic of "Death". Yesh, DD who has the impression of always happy go lucky, actually has her morbid side too. I made a trip down to Ubud, Bali last year not doing what the typical touristy stuff but to visit an island filled with dead bodies unburied. I went to Paris in 2008 with one of the intention to visit Les Catacombs (mass grave) and actually queued 45 minutes for it. I also made a point to visit the Père Lachaise Cemetery. Call me nuts but there's something about death that intrigues me.

Gradually, I understood why the fascination. My monkeybro introduced me to this Latin phrase - Memento Mori which means "Remember you will die". Since then it has been one of my motto. To remember one day I will die. So, most of my actions are based on that principle. When I am confused, I will ask myself,"If today is the last day of my life, will I do what I am going to do? If not, what should I do?" Then I will go ahead and do it or say whatever I need to say. So far, the actions taken and words I have uttered based on this principle have brought me to great places.

But you see, even the above is very "I" based. It's about me. But life apparently has different lesson plan for me now and the realization hit me this morning, morbidly. Sure, if I die now, I will be okay. As in, I have lived my life fully that it's fine for me to leave now. But .... what if, the death is not about me but about people around me. What if they are those of my loved ones? How would I feel then? Will I be okay?

I realize life lesson really has different level and once you have graduated with the "self" you will need to learn about "others". Then you will realize, life is never ever about you anyway.

So, I asked myself - if he/she/it dies now/today/tomorrow/next week, have I done my best for them? If not, what do I need to do here and now knowing how impermanent everything can be.

Honestly, this is one bitter pill to swallow. I, definitely, haven't really grasped the impact of that one question that I posed upon myself. To look at the person in front of you, knowing that they may just *poof* without you knowing, is a pretty heart wrenching experience. Even if it's not real, but even imagining it brought tears to my eyes. I am still learning. Still trying to find peace with this realization.

I'm just glad I'm aware of it and awareness is the key to any changes in life. Moving forward, I don't look at the people in front of me the same way anymore. I will learn, eventually, to be at peace with this realization. Meanwhile, I will do my best at every given moment as if it's the last for me and people around me. This will be a conscious choice I make every single day.

"Life is short, and shortly it will end"

(from Llibre Vermell de Montserrat from 1399)

Love Yourself First - Why Should You?

Try saying to yourself this statement - "I love myself and I put myself first." 
How does it make you feel?

More often than not, if you are not used to this concept, it will bring some shiver down your spine. You will not be at ease in saying that statement and it totally doesn't feel natural. Some people think by saying that, you are automatically a selfish and egoistic person. I used to think that way too but now, I beg to differ.

I really wonder how majority of us are being brought to believe that it is selfish to love ourselves. I wouldn't know many of your stories but I have my own life to look at.

In a traditional Chinese or I believe Asian family, we are so accustomed to put everyone first but ourselves. We have to put our elders first; these include our parents, our elder brothers/sisters, our grandparents, our aunties, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, friends' parents, parent's friends, etc and the list goes on. As long as these people are in front of you, you are taking the second chair.

You have to show "respect" by making sure the people who are older than you are taken care of first. Hence, it's very common in the Asian family, the eldest in the family always take on the most responsibility, especially in the olden days and especially if you are a male. Many have sacrificed their own studies to go out and work early in their lives so that they are able to support their siblings. This trait is really admirable and pretty much rare to be seen in where I'm living now.

I too learned from my school and church that I have to serve. So, we serve for the sake of serving. I served for the sake of "this is how it is supposed to be". I served relentlessly on a weekly basis, if I could. But, there's this fake façade I found in people that at that point of time I couldn't pinpoint what it was. But it didn't feel "real". It felt like some people were there "serving" for a different purpose.

Don't get me wrong! I think ultimately, all our life purpose is not for ourselves, we have our own calling, believe it or not. You don't need to be Oprah or Jesus to have a calling. Your calling may just be for your family or friends and still that's a worthy calling. However, from my own personal experience, serving, giving and everything are so much more fulfilling when I have first to learn how to serve/give/love myself.

Loving yourself, is not a selfish act at all. It's actually the other way round.

Imagine if you are a car, your purpose is to be driven and to bring your passengers from point A to point B. Well, I don't drive well and I don't know the mechanics of a car but I do know one of the most important component without which you just can't go here go there is - you need the fuel.

To love yourself first, is like to put a full tank in your car to ensure your passengers have a good ride to their destination. To love yourself first, means to be the best that you can be so that you can give the best of yourself to others. How is that a selfish act? It is not only a win-win situation, because when your tank is full, you are happy. When you help others when you are happy, others are happy too.

I come a really long way in learning how to love myself. 14 years to be exact and I briefly mentioned how I came to realize that in previous post of mine where I talked about my parents. Since, I have been on both sides now (quoting Joni Mitchell's awesome song), I realize I am a better person after my tank is full. Not only I am happier, but others feel better when they are with me. How can they not be? My tank is full, I can bring them here and there to their destinations. Though sometimes my car will breakdown, but after putting myself at rest into a imaginary service center - as long as the fuel is intact, I'm good to go again.

Now, when I look back at all the values I have learned from being in a traditional Chinese family, being from school, from church I used to attend, I can now appreciate them even more. When I do give my respect to my elders, it comes from the utmost sincere place. I respect you because I want to and not because I need to and not because it's customary and tradition to do so. When I do good and serve others, it's not because I have to and not because I need to follow a certain doctrine to prove my worthiness, but because I love to and I genuinely will do it without anybody instructs me to do so.

Loving myself first, is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was a long and winding road but I have arrived, and here/now is better than there/then.

So, love yourself first, why should you?

Because before it's too late for you to realize, you are the only being who has accompanied you at your birth. You are the only person who has made all the choices in life that brought you where you are now. You are the only person who is still standing when others have left. You are the only person who cried yourself to sleep and still woke up the next morning and live your life as it is. You will be the one and only person who take that final breath as you part with this amazing journey called life. Why shouldn't you love yourself when ultimately, you are all that you really have?

The most meaningful lesson I learned from being at death’s door is that unless I love myself, nothing else in my life can function at its best. The amount of depth, meaning, and joy I experience in my life is in direct proportion to how much love I have for myself. The amount of love, kindness, patience I have for others is also directly proportional to how much love, patience and kindness I have for myself, because we cannot give others what we ourselves do not have. - Anita Moorjani 

How to be Grateful in Life and Why Should You?

Gratitude, I have learned, is one of the simplest thing one can turn to in order to feel better at any given circumstances. Personally and eventually, it was a learned habit with lots of conscious and deliberate actions. Come to think of it, I find it amusing. I was immersed in a Christian school for 14 years of my life. We "gave thanks" almost every single day through prayers but even so, it was not a habit that I carried after I left school. I did pray but for the sake of praying. Words were merely words and they didn't come alive. I didn't really feel that grateful then.

Few months back, a friend asked me,"How to be thankful?" and it kinda bamboozled me a little bit. But I then saw the "old me" through her. We are so focused on what doesn't work, what others have, what others do, what the world is lacking, etc that we forget about the opposite spectrum which are more accessible to us - what works, what we have, what we do and what the world is full of. Once I tune in my mind to this frequency, I have never looked back.

When my friend asked me that question, I told her, if you are unable to find things to be grateful for, I can help you for the first time round. I am very sure to come out with at least 10 items that's all tailor made for you. And I did just that. I could go on with her list. It's very natural for me to spot things to be thankful for in myself and others now. Even for my own, I can easily come out with 50 items right here right now if I need to. What you focus, expands. It's as simple as that.

Why is Being Grateful Important?
Fundamentally, it makes you feel really good. It beats gossiping. It beats wasting your time talking about other trivial matters in life. Eventually, by cultivating the habit of expressing gratitude, your life will transform without you realizing. You will be given more things to be grateful for. True story. 

But seriously, I am miserable. I am still struggling financially. What's there to be grateful for?
Sure, money is really important. But if you want to have money and stay miserable, then stop reading. Go spend your time and find your money. You will find it! Because what you focus does expand. 

But if you think your simple purpose of life is just to be happy, then you have to adopt the attitude of gratitude. I have seen some people who have everything (financially) and ho boy they look miserable and extremely boring! They have great roofs, great families but they still complain and complain. Do you think they are happy? I am not really sure. Of course there are those who are rich but not only they are grateful, they transform to the next level - they see everything as opportunities. Guess what happen to people like that? I don't need to describe much. I guess you already know the answer.


How to Be Grateful? What's There to Be Grateful for?
For a start, look for things that are really obvious. Look for things that you have taken for granted. Look for simple things. They are all around you. Some of the things if they are taken away from you, the consequences may be huge too. 

Let me provide you with a very generic list which may/may not apply to you. But I believe, if you are able to read this, you are one of the fortunate few. Let's start the ball rolling:

1. I am thankful for the air that I breathe. It's free.
2. I am thankful for my working body parts. They serve me well everyday.(If I focus on each and every organs, I will get many more items to be thankful for)
3. I am thankful for the ability to see, without which, I can't be reading this blog.
4. I am thankful for the ability to read, many are still illiterate in this world.
5. I am thankful for understanding, reading and writing in English, being one of the most spoken language on earth.
6. I am thankful for the internet, information comes so much faster to me.
7. I am thankful for the gadgets and technology. I have access to necessary information at any given time.
8. I am thankful for the roof above my head. 
9. I am thankful for my education in whichever way it has been transferred to me.
10. I am thankful for living in a country that is safe. Some people need to runaway everyday for survival. 
11. I am thankful for the variety of food and drinks that are so available for me. 
12. I am thankful for the friends that I have. Even if I only have one, some people have none.
13. I am thankful for the job that gives me income to do what I want to do. Needless to say how many jobless people are out there wishing they could be in my shoes.
14. I am thankful for the library where knowledge is so readily available with no cost. 
15. I am thankful for the transportation system. Some people need to walk 2-3 hours just to get to school.
16. I am thankful for the water I use for drinking and for other purposes. In some countries, water is such a rare commodity and to some they die of drought.
17. I am thankful for the availability of electricity which enables me to perform many more activities.
18. I am thankful for the freedom to read what I want, when I want. 
19. I am thankful for Facebook. It helps me to keep in touch with many of my friends and most importantly to share what I think is awesome.
20. I am thankful for my parents. Through them I have the above 19 items to be thankful for.

Try it out with just 3 things to be grateful for a day. I can guarantee within 1 week, you will see the world differently. And if you are able to make it a habit (which means doing it for at least 21 days), it will come so naturally that you will be at awe at yourself when you look how far you've come. 

To close, I would like to share 2 quotes with all of you. Stay grateful, peeps!

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. 

- Brian Tracy

Be thankful for what you have and you will end up having more. But if you concentrate on what you don't have, you'll never, ever have enough.

- Oprah Winfrey

30/08/2012 - I am grateful that my friends requested "Titanium" to be sung live and dedicated it to me. I wouldn't forget that moment as it was the first time someone dedicated a live performance for me, I think. Unless I forgot. :p

What If They Talk About You?

Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter. - Dr. Seuss

Does the quote above sound familiar to you? It's one of those famous quote that has been repeated so many times that it becomes a cliché. But guess what, cliché can really be a great reminder to life. Sometimes what you need is to really keep it simple. 

A really great friend came to remind me of this quote recently. Though I have heard of it countless of time, but the beauty of pure and simple truth is that ... they speak to you in unexplainable manner. 

I have many friends. Many different groups of people. As I progress through life, I have learned to shed as many skins and masks as possible because carrying them around add weights to my soul. I feel so much lighter to simply be who I am at whatever occasion. I never turn back from such lifestyle anymore. 

As I share my life freely with people who are willing to listen, I hold nothing back because what's there to hold back? If you are willing to listen, I'm willing to tell. Was I naive? Maybe. But it's through my naiveness I put the quote above to the test, then I learn who really do matter. 

You see, I have learned that instinctively you will know who the people worthy of your stories are. Your heart knows. Normally, they may surprise you, because a great heart is never defined by their social status, wealth, intelligence, education level, words they say, things you do together, time you spend with each other and all other superficial matters. Some people simply stuck in the high-school mentality where they are busy observing and commenting on the lives of others without first understanding them. I believe you know one or two of such people, don't be disheartened. If you know people who talk unceasingly behind your back, you can be rest assured that you are on the right track. Your life is so much more colourful, interesting and awesome that they'd rather talk about yours than theirs. 

Eventually, you will discover true gems. Great hearts. Great souls. Once you are able to drop the pretense, disassociate from the negatives and "detox" the unwanted attentions; only then good things flood into your way. True story. 

Rare gems tend to hide underneath the dirts. So, don't mind the dirts, you may be closer to the gems than you know. Let the dirts slide through you, keep uncovering. Eventually, you will know who shine the brightest and naturally you'll be drawn to them too, because you are worthy of that.

My Master Who Cried

I had a master (sifu) who cried.

He cried when a song touched his heart.

He cried when he saw the elderlies were still cleaning the tables.  

He cried when students appreciated his works.

He cried when he knew there was so much to do but so little time left.

My sifu has cried more and more as time went by. He didn't seem to be inhibited by what others might think of him. He just let his emotions poured out. I couldn't understand it in the beginning. "He's a man. He's a public figure. He should be tough." - I thought to myself. 

But apparently, my thoughts were the truths.

"He's a man!"

"He's a public figure!"

"He's tough!"

Hence he cried. 

He had no problems in showing his emotions. 

He had no needs to mask his feelings. 

He was who he was.  

My sifu has passed away. But, as time goes by, I feel that he's more alive than ever. His lessons are never ending. Guess that's what legacy feels like. You don't need to change the world, but when you have touched a few hearts, you already are changing their worlds.

[PBP] Know Your Limits

For all the people who love to drink in this world, like me, I hope nobody ever needs to use TheSobrietySolution (but for those who need help, please do).Sometimes doing too much of something good will not turn out good either. I've never seen anybody around me (Thank God) who is addicted to that extreme, except on TVs. Something about being an addict to anything, not only it's unsightly, it simply proves you have lost control of your ownself - the only thing you should be in control of. They can control many other things in life and yet they let themselves go. How ironic can that be?

I love drinking with all my heart but I am glad I am not that extreme and there's no addiction and attachment to them. Because I've learned that everything is detachable - except for air and water. Think about it, we don't really need much in life except those 2 important elements for us to survive. If we need so little how come people could just lose themselves and be addicted to stuffs?

Ultimately, like anything else, we have to know our limits. We have to be in total control of no one else but our own body, mind and soul. Sure, we need to let ourselves go sometimes to have fun but don't let it down to the extreme path. For all things to function, don't forget to maintain the equilibrium of any elements in our life. Be balanced, my friends.

Are You Sure They Are Your Friends?

Have you ever wondered who your friends really are?

Have you ever tried to define what "friends" really are?

I have people who told me "you are a friend" but never once asked me how I am doing ... will that be a type of friend? -> TRUE STORY. I also have people who only come to me when they have problems ... I swear it's true. No problems, no need to talk to Donna. So, am I really their friends?

Let me check the dictionary based on reference.com:

friend

noun

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

Whatever definitions you want to give, your heart will know. 

My friend, Laura shared this today on her Facebook:

"You just listen to your own heart. That is your teacher." - OSHO

I can relate to that statement strongly. Because no matter how hard I am trying to justify a friendship, my heart ultimately knows who the right ones are:

• They are the ones who pick you up when you are down.
• They are the ones who pop by for no reason and ask - how are you doing? Ca va?
• They are the ones with so much patience that even you behave like an a******, they still tolerate and accept you the way you are. Of course they hate you at that moment but they will come back and give you a hug afterwards.
• They are the ones who don't only look for you when they are down but also share their triumphs and nonsenses with you.
• They are the ones who need you, not because they are lonely and needy but because they just feel good around you. 

In the end, "friend" is just a label. How do you want to define and justify it, it's really up to you. What I know for sure, be very mindful of the people you call "friends". What are they to you? Who are they to you? Will they be there when you really need them the most? If not, are you sure they are your friends? Or are they simply a "label" for easy reference?